26 April 2015
Welcome to the first "Dear Georgie" Advice Column of the New Warm Season!
01/05/15 09:59
It's Friday ... and time for the New Season of my "Dear Georgie" Advice Column to return!
By the way, I've been directed by my Editor to post the following disclaimer:
"Our Readers (herein after referred to as 'Our Readers') are Hereby Notified that Canfield (aka "Bert"), the World's First Artificially-Intelligent, Robotic Bee, in No Way Approves or Condones the Graphics or Production Credits Employed in and Accompanying the Friday, May 1, 2015 Publication of the 'Dear Georgie' Advice Column. The Bee Times Gazette Journal Record (and Online News) wishes to extend its Most Deeply-Felt and Sincere Apologies to him - and Our Readers - and offer Assurances that these graphics will not bee published again without the Necessary and Appropriate Corrections which Rightfully Acknowledge Canfield's Critical and Indispensable Contributions to the Product of said Advice Column which May or May Not again appear in future, subsequent issues of this Publication. Submitted on this date, May 1, 2015, by the Editor, Staff and Contributors associated with this publication."
Geeeeeze. Now I know why Bert spent most of yesterday with S.O.Bee, the Hive Lawyer.
Anyway. Hope you enjoy our first "Dear Georgie" letter of the New Season! - and that everybody has a sparkly-bright day! I'll see ya' on Monday!
By the way, I've been directed by my Editor to post the following disclaimer:
"Our Readers (herein after referred to as 'Our Readers') are Hereby Notified that Canfield (aka "Bert"), the World's First Artificially-Intelligent, Robotic Bee, in No Way Approves or Condones the Graphics or Production Credits Employed in and Accompanying the Friday, May 1, 2015 Publication of the 'Dear Georgie' Advice Column. The Bee Times Gazette Journal Record (and Online News) wishes to extend its Most Deeply-Felt and Sincere Apologies to him - and Our Readers - and offer Assurances that these graphics will not bee published again without the Necessary and Appropriate Corrections which Rightfully Acknowledge Canfield's Critical and Indispensable Contributions to the Product of said Advice Column which May or May Not again appear in future, subsequent issues of this Publication. Submitted on this date, May 1, 2015, by the Editor, Staff and Contributors associated with this publication."
Geeeeeze. Now I know why Bert spent most of yesterday with S.O.Bee, the Hive Lawyer.
Anyway. Hope you enjoy our first "Dear Georgie" letter of the New Season! - and that everybody has a sparkly-bright day! I'll see ya' on Monday!
Who knew that Artifically-Intelligent, Robotic Bees could bee so temperamental?
30/04/15 10:39
So yesterday afternoon, I got the new artwork for this Season's "Dear Georgie" column from Pablo and got it over to my Editor at the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record (and Online News). I figured what Pablo had come up with would make Bert really happy.
Geeeeeze was I wrong or what?
"I see the new graphics have my picture included, even though it's inappropriately small," he said, "but what's this just above my picture? What does that say? Read that to me, will you?" So I did that.
"It says, 'WITH MINIMAL INPUT AND ASSISTANCE FROM BERT, THE ROBOTIC iBEE"," I said.
Bert just kinda stood there and stared at me in that really blank way he stares at everybody, and said, "Minimal input and assistance?"
"Yeah, that's what it says." I said.
"Minimal input and assistance..." he repeated.
"Right," i said.
Again, Bert just stood there, staring at me, then finally said, "Unacceptable."
"But," I pointed out to him, "it's already going to my Editor. It's gonna bee in the newspaper tommorrow! You should bee excited that everybody will see your picture and know your name!"
"Well, I'm not. First," Bert said, "my contributions to this Season's Advice Column have been more than 'minimal'. Have they not?"
"Well, I..." I started to say.
"HAVE THEY NOT?" Bert said again as he turned the knob on his volume control up a lot higher.
"I guess they have, in a way," I told him.
"But that's not the worst of it," he said. "You refer to me as 'Bert, the Robotic iBee."
"Right," I said.
"Why didn't you use my real name?" he asked in an challenging tone.
"Your real name, Bert? Whadya' mean?"
"My real name," he said. "It's fine that you guys call me 'Bert' around here, but I suppose you forgot that my REAL name is Canfield?"
Yes, I had forgotten that.
"This must bee corrected at the earliest possible opportunity. I realise it's already too late for this week's edition, but starting next week, I want my credits on the Column artwork to be fixed. I want this incorrectly stated 'minimal input' thing changed - and I want you to use my REAL name: CANFIELD, not Bert. I insist."
Then he said, "It is Wednesday, April 29, 2015. The local time is precisely 16:45 p.m. The current outdoor temperature is a balmy 294.9278 degrees Kelvin."
I figured he was done, but then he said, "I'm extremely disappointed. Fix this." Then he walked away and didn't say anything for the rest of the night.
Geeeeeze. I guess it's interesting enough to find out that robots have huge egos, but who knew their feelings could bee hurt? But whatever.
Sometime this weekend, I'm gonna go back to Pablo, our new resident artist in the Hive, and ask him to tweak a few things for the new "Dear Georgie" graphics. I'm sure he'll bee able to make Bert...er, Canfield, happy. Probably.
In the meantime, this is what the first week's Introductory Dear Georgie Advice Column graphics that Bert is so upset about will look like tomorrow (though I won't show you the letter or my reply yet...you hafta wait for that). Personally, I don't think it's THAT bad, but... we'll fix it.
Nothing's ever easy, is it?
Well, it's gonna bee another spectacularly BEEEEAUTIFUL day out today, so I'm gonna go enjoy that. I hope everybody else gets a chance to, too!
I hope everybody has a shockingly festive day! I'll see ya' later!
Geeeeeze was I wrong or what?
"I see the new graphics have my picture included, even though it's inappropriately small," he said, "but what's this just above my picture? What does that say? Read that to me, will you?" So I did that.
"It says, 'WITH MINIMAL INPUT AND ASSISTANCE FROM BERT, THE ROBOTIC iBEE"," I said.
Bert just kinda stood there and stared at me in that really blank way he stares at everybody, and said, "Minimal input and assistance?"
"Yeah, that's what it says." I said.
"Minimal input and assistance..." he repeated.
"Right," i said.
Again, Bert just stood there, staring at me, then finally said, "Unacceptable."
"But," I pointed out to him, "it's already going to my Editor. It's gonna bee in the newspaper tommorrow! You should bee excited that everybody will see your picture and know your name!"
"Well, I'm not. First," Bert said, "my contributions to this Season's Advice Column have been more than 'minimal'. Have they not?"
"Well, I..." I started to say.
"HAVE THEY NOT?" Bert said again as he turned the knob on his volume control up a lot higher.
"I guess they have, in a way," I told him.
"But that's not the worst of it," he said. "You refer to me as 'Bert, the Robotic iBee."
"Right," I said.
"Why didn't you use my real name?" he asked in an challenging tone.
"Your real name, Bert? Whadya' mean?"
"My real name," he said. "It's fine that you guys call me 'Bert' around here, but I suppose you forgot that my REAL name is Canfield?"
Yes, I had forgotten that.
"This must bee corrected at the earliest possible opportunity. I realise it's already too late for this week's edition, but starting next week, I want my credits on the Column artwork to be fixed. I want this incorrectly stated 'minimal input' thing changed - and I want you to use my REAL name: CANFIELD, not Bert. I insist."
Then he said, "It is Wednesday, April 29, 2015. The local time is precisely 16:45 p.m. The current outdoor temperature is a balmy 294.9278 degrees Kelvin."
I figured he was done, but then he said, "I'm extremely disappointed. Fix this." Then he walked away and didn't say anything for the rest of the night.
Geeeeeze. I guess it's interesting enough to find out that robots have huge egos, but who knew their feelings could bee hurt? But whatever.
Sometime this weekend, I'm gonna go back to Pablo, our new resident artist in the Hive, and ask him to tweak a few things for the new "Dear Georgie" graphics. I'm sure he'll bee able to make Bert...er, Canfield, happy. Probably.
In the meantime, this is what the first week's Introductory Dear Georgie Advice Column graphics that Bert is so upset about will look like tomorrow (though I won't show you the letter or my reply yet...you hafta wait for that). Personally, I don't think it's THAT bad, but... we'll fix it.
Nothing's ever easy, is it?
Well, it's gonna bee another spectacularly BEEEEAUTIFUL day out today, so I'm gonna go enjoy that. I hope everybody else gets a chance to, too!
I hope everybody has a shockingly festive day! I'll see ya' later!
Georgie and Bert seem to bee at odds over this Friday's return of the "Dear Georgie" Advice Column ...
29/04/15 11:23
I'm very pleased to report that we're almost ready for Friday's Big Return of my "Dear Georgie" Advice Column! Everything seems to bee going fairly smoothly ... well, it was until yesterday.
What happened, you ask? Let me tell you:
So, we were sitting there, Bert and I, deciding on which letter to answer first, when Bert suddenly pops up with, "ATTENTION: It has been noted that my name does not appear in the Column Title. This oversight must bee corrected."
"Your name?" I asked him. "Are you trying to say that you want my column to include your name?"
"This is correct," Bert said. "My most valuable contributions to this undertaking deserve due recognition."
"SO, you think I should re-name my column, is that it?"
"Correct," Bert said (and I swear I could see a slightly red glow starting to come from his robotic eyes).
"But," I tried to point out, "my column is NOT called 'Dear Georgie and Bert'. It's called 'Dear Georgie'. That's what it's always been and that is what it should always bee."
"Illogical," Bert said. "Now that I am an active and contributive participant in this publication, reason and logic demand that I am also extended the courtesy of proper credit as a significant contributor to the column."
I don't know how long this went on (a long time, for sure), but I'd say we were arguing about this most of the day yesterday. Finally, I'd had enough and was about to tell Bert that my contract with my Editor at the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record (and Online News) specifically states that the name of the column is "Dear Georgie" - not "Dear Georgie and Bert", not "Dear Bert and Georgie" and certainly not just "Dear Bert". Unfortunately, that did not satisfy him at all.
"The Social and Ethical Guidelines that determine policy in instances such as this," he told me, "mandate that credit is given where credit is due. I will settle for nothing less. This inequity must bee resolved immediately. Thank you for your attention." Then he said, "It is Tuesday, April 28, 2015. The local time is precisely 15:45 p.m. The current outdoor temperature is a balmy 282.7611 degrees Kelvin. I expected to bee informed of the resolution of this matter no later than 20:30 p.m. on this date. I will await notification on this matter."
Then he walked away and slammed a door beehind him.
Geeeeeze. I'm almost sorry I asked him to help me out here, but I guess what's done is done and Bert isn't about to take "NO" for an answer.
SO, I buzzed over to the Hive yesterday and tried to find our resident artist, Leonardo. (Unfortunately, I forgot that he didn't make it through the last Cold Season alive, so I had to find one of his protégés, who happens to call himself Pablo for some reason, but seems to have pretty much the same skills and talents as Leo did. That's a good thing.) I talked to him about this whole thing. He just looked at me, smiled and said, "Not to worry. I know just what to do." (He wouldn't tell me what his solution is, but whatever.) So he's doing that.
I'm supposed to see what he comes up with sometime today, just beefore we send our first "Dear Georgie" letter off to the Editor for Friday's edition. I hope it meets with his approval beecause, quite frankly, there won't bee any time to change whatever column graphics Pablo comes up with, ya' know?
Anyway, I'm sure this is all going to work out, somehow, so we're all still looking forward to Friday. I know the rest of the world is, too. I don't mean to sound cocky here, but I'm certain that civilisation itself has come to deeply rely on my consistently excellent advice. I cannot abandon that sacred responsibility - even if Bert is helping me this year.
Okay then. It's a beeeeeautiful Warm Season Day out, so I'm gonna go enjoy that. If you get a chance, you should, too. The flowers are blooming all over the place and there's plenty of pollen and nectar to go around, for now.
I hope everybody has a amazingly superlative day! I'll see ya' later!
What happened, you ask? Let me tell you:
So, we were sitting there, Bert and I, deciding on which letter to answer first, when Bert suddenly pops up with, "ATTENTION: It has been noted that my name does not appear in the Column Title. This oversight must bee corrected."
"Your name?" I asked him. "Are you trying to say that you want my column to include your name?"
"This is correct," Bert said. "My most valuable contributions to this undertaking deserve due recognition."
"SO, you think I should re-name my column, is that it?"
"Correct," Bert said (and I swear I could see a slightly red glow starting to come from his robotic eyes).
"But," I tried to point out, "my column is NOT called 'Dear Georgie and Bert'. It's called 'Dear Georgie'. That's what it's always been and that is what it should always bee."
"Illogical," Bert said. "Now that I am an active and contributive participant in this publication, reason and logic demand that I am also extended the courtesy of proper credit as a significant contributor to the column."
I don't know how long this went on (a long time, for sure), but I'd say we were arguing about this most of the day yesterday. Finally, I'd had enough and was about to tell Bert that my contract with my Editor at the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record (and Online News) specifically states that the name of the column is "Dear Georgie" - not "Dear Georgie and Bert", not "Dear Bert and Georgie" and certainly not just "Dear Bert". Unfortunately, that did not satisfy him at all.
"The Social and Ethical Guidelines that determine policy in instances such as this," he told me, "mandate that credit is given where credit is due. I will settle for nothing less. This inequity must bee resolved immediately. Thank you for your attention." Then he said, "It is Tuesday, April 28, 2015. The local time is precisely 15:45 p.m. The current outdoor temperature is a balmy 282.7611 degrees Kelvin. I expected to bee informed of the resolution of this matter no later than 20:30 p.m. on this date. I will await notification on this matter."
Then he walked away and slammed a door beehind him.
Geeeeeze. I'm almost sorry I asked him to help me out here, but I guess what's done is done and Bert isn't about to take "NO" for an answer.
SO, I buzzed over to the Hive yesterday and tried to find our resident artist, Leonardo. (Unfortunately, I forgot that he didn't make it through the last Cold Season alive, so I had to find one of his protégés, who happens to call himself Pablo for some reason, but seems to have pretty much the same skills and talents as Leo did. That's a good thing.) I talked to him about this whole thing. He just looked at me, smiled and said, "Not to worry. I know just what to do." (He wouldn't tell me what his solution is, but whatever.) So he's doing that.
I'm supposed to see what he comes up with sometime today, just beefore we send our first "Dear Georgie" letter off to the Editor for Friday's edition. I hope it meets with his approval beecause, quite frankly, there won't bee any time to change whatever column graphics Pablo comes up with, ya' know?
Anyway, I'm sure this is all going to work out, somehow, so we're all still looking forward to Friday. I know the rest of the world is, too. I don't mean to sound cocky here, but I'm certain that civilisation itself has come to deeply rely on my consistently excellent advice. I cannot abandon that sacred responsibility - even if Bert is helping me this year.
Okay then. It's a beeeeeautiful Warm Season Day out, so I'm gonna go enjoy that. If you get a chance, you should, too. The flowers are blooming all over the place and there's plenty of pollen and nectar to go around, for now.
I hope everybody has a amazingly superlative day! I'll see ya' later!
The "Dear Georgie" Advice Column returns this Friday! How cool is that?
28/04/15 09:26
Well, Bert, the iBee, and I sat down yesterday for a very long time and beegan the tedious process of sorting through all the cards and letters that had been sent from everybody seeking the always-excellent advice from "Dear Georgie".
We threw away all the ones that were asking silly questions like, "Dear Georgie: How can I bee a bee and still get Humans to like me?" (Everybody already knows the answer to that one... if you're a bee, you're already completely loveable, so there's nothing more you can do than to bee yourself. Geeeeeze. I thought everybody knew that already.) Still, we ended up with quite a pile of questions, so neither one of us is worried about running out of advice. So far, we have about 87 different piles started, ranging from "advice for the lovelorn" to "personal hygiene issues" and everything in-beetween (though, to bee honest, some of the questions we've gotten so far beelong in BOTH of those first, two piles I mentioned, but whatever).
So today, Bert and I are gonna finish getting everything sorted out, then we'll pick one Lucky Respondent to save with my tremedously valuable advice. And, according to my Editor, you'll bee able to read that this coming Friday - and every Friday until the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record (and Online News) closes up operations when the next Cold Season arrives. I know everybody is excited and can't wait until Friday, right?
Bert just walked in and said, "It is Tuesday, April 28, 2015. The local time is precisely 9:15 a.m. The current outdoor temperature is a balmy 281.3167 degrees Kelvin," then he just stood there and stared at me. (I think that's his way of trying to tell me we need to get back to our work here.)
So I'm gonna go do that.
I hope everybody has a brag-ably superior day! I'll see ya' later!
We threw away all the ones that were asking silly questions like, "Dear Georgie: How can I bee a bee and still get Humans to like me?" (Everybody already knows the answer to that one... if you're a bee, you're already completely loveable, so there's nothing more you can do than to bee yourself. Geeeeeze. I thought everybody knew that already.) Still, we ended up with quite a pile of questions, so neither one of us is worried about running out of advice. So far, we have about 87 different piles started, ranging from "advice for the lovelorn" to "personal hygiene issues" and everything in-beetween (though, to bee honest, some of the questions we've gotten so far beelong in BOTH of those first, two piles I mentioned, but whatever).
So today, Bert and I are gonna finish getting everything sorted out, then we'll pick one Lucky Respondent to save with my tremedously valuable advice. And, according to my Editor, you'll bee able to read that this coming Friday - and every Friday until the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record (and Online News) closes up operations when the next Cold Season arrives. I know everybody is excited and can't wait until Friday, right?
Bert just walked in and said, "It is Tuesday, April 28, 2015. The local time is precisely 9:15 a.m. The current outdoor temperature is a balmy 281.3167 degrees Kelvin," then he just stood there and stared at me. (I think that's his way of trying to tell me we need to get back to our work here.)
So I'm gonna go do that.
I hope everybody has a brag-ably superior day! I'll see ya' later!
It looks as if the "Dear Georgie" Advice Column May Bee Returning This Season!
27/04/15 10:04
I thought my head was gonna blow up beefore it would finally beecome Monday again. Geeeeeze. WHY are weekends so LONG? I can't tell ya' how relieved I am that Monday is here at last!
This whole weekend was super grey and wet and rainy and chilly. Usually, during the Warm Season, that's a real problem, but this time it was okay beecause it gave Great Grandma Gee Gee, Kevin, Bert and me plenty of time to stay inside and figure out a solution to this "Dear Georgie" Advice Column Quandary. After a whole bunch of time sitting around talking about it, I think we came up with a perfect solution.
As you already know, my Editor at the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record (and Online News) told me last week that, if I wanted my Advice Column to continue this Season, I'd hafta pay HIM. (Of course, he says he's giving himself a raise and stuff, but from what I've heard, that's beecoming more common practise in buzziness these days; after all, the Head Bees do have a lot of responsibility to make sure the rest of us get all the work done, right?)
Anyway. We came up with a PERFECT solution, which - as soon as the weather clears up a bit and I can get out - I'm gonna present to my editor. But I'm sure he'll accept and my "Dear Georgie" Advice Column can continue for another Season. I'm so excited.
First, to take the pressure off of me a bit, Bert suggested that he will help me answer all those questions that are sent in. As he pointed out to me, he's completely logical, so he can help guarantee that each and every answer and piece of advice I put into my Column will bee 100% correct without any doubt or question whatsoever. So that's a good thing.
But then, after Kevin asked how we could figure out how to pay my Editor to keep everything going, Gee Gee came up with the best idea of all.
"I'll simply bake a batch of my Honeychew Krisp cookies for him every week," she said. "That should bee enough to convince him to let you keep doing you Advice Column. Goodness gracious, I can't imagine anyone turning down such a generous and tasty offer."
"You're brilliant, Gee Gee! Thank you!" I told her, and gave her a real huge hug. "I love you!"
"I know, dear," she said as she hugged me back. "I love you, too."
So, we've figured it out and it's all settled. I think it's safe to say that my Editor will accept our generous offer and that everybody will bee able to look forward to another Season of my heart-warming and highly-reassuring advice. I'm sure you feel as happy and relieved as we do, probably.
Okay then. It looks like the weather might bee clearing up here in a bit, so I'm gonna go get ready to visit my Editor again.
I hope everybody has a wildly gratifying day! I'll see ya' later!
This whole weekend was super grey and wet and rainy and chilly. Usually, during the Warm Season, that's a real problem, but this time it was okay beecause it gave Great Grandma Gee Gee, Kevin, Bert and me plenty of time to stay inside and figure out a solution to this "Dear Georgie" Advice Column Quandary. After a whole bunch of time sitting around talking about it, I think we came up with a perfect solution.
As you already know, my Editor at the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record (and Online News) told me last week that, if I wanted my Advice Column to continue this Season, I'd hafta pay HIM. (Of course, he says he's giving himself a raise and stuff, but from what I've heard, that's beecoming more common practise in buzziness these days; after all, the Head Bees do have a lot of responsibility to make sure the rest of us get all the work done, right?)
Anyway. We came up with a PERFECT solution, which - as soon as the weather clears up a bit and I can get out - I'm gonna present to my editor. But I'm sure he'll accept and my "Dear Georgie" Advice Column can continue for another Season. I'm so excited.
First, to take the pressure off of me a bit, Bert suggested that he will help me answer all those questions that are sent in. As he pointed out to me, he's completely logical, so he can help guarantee that each and every answer and piece of advice I put into my Column will bee 100% correct without any doubt or question whatsoever. So that's a good thing.
But then, after Kevin asked how we could figure out how to pay my Editor to keep everything going, Gee Gee came up with the best idea of all.
"I'll simply bake a batch of my Honeychew Krisp cookies for him every week," she said. "That should bee enough to convince him to let you keep doing you Advice Column. Goodness gracious, I can't imagine anyone turning down such a generous and tasty offer."
"You're brilliant, Gee Gee! Thank you!" I told her, and gave her a real huge hug. "I love you!"
"I know, dear," she said as she hugged me back. "I love you, too."
So, we've figured it out and it's all settled. I think it's safe to say that my Editor will accept our generous offer and that everybody will bee able to look forward to another Season of my heart-warming and highly-reassuring advice. I'm sure you feel as happy and relieved as we do, probably.
Okay then. It looks like the weather might bee clearing up here in a bit, so I'm gonna go get ready to visit my Editor again.
I hope everybody has a wildly gratifying day! I'll see ya' later!