So just in case you hadn’t heard, which you probably didn’t unless you have a Subscription to the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record…and Online News, I have been Spared the Indignity of beeing sent to that Highly Unpleasant Detention Hive somewhere off the Coast of the Gulf of Mexico. I was just about to bee Forcibly Boarded onto one of Red Eye’s WTF Outbound Flights when my Lawyer, S.O.Bee, showed up with a Restraining Order, a copy of my Hive I.D. (the one with the Daisy in the upper right hand corner), and Proof of Gainful Employment that my Editor was mostly Kind enough to Issue on my Beehalf. Of course, I was a bit Surprised about that one, beecause I was completely pretty sure that I had been Fired by my Editor after I’d failed to Wake Up right away at the beeginning of the new Warm Season. But, as it turns out, my friend, Rudy Bee (who works as an Investigative Reporter) Spoke to my Editor and convinced him that he should Hire me back as an Impartial Editorial Observer for the Paper - something I’m very good at doing sometimes, probably.

Anyway. After filling out some Paperwork, I was allowed to return Home to my ShoeBox, where my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, and Potato, my Sensory-Impaired Certified Emotional Support/Service LadyBug were waiting.

“It is so very good to have you back Safe and Sound,” Kevin said. “I was very concerned about your Well-Beeing beecause, as you know, you’re the Best Uncle in the World, and I love you, and the very Thought of you beeing sent away to that Terrible Place was much more than any of us could stand. So Welcome Home.”

“I, too,” Potato said, “am beeyond Pleased that you Escaped the Clutches of Krunch McKowsky and that we can Resume our Efforts to Bolster your Emotional Health. I am here for you anytime you need to Discuss the Highly Unpleasant Ordeal you’ve just been through.”

“Thank you,” I said, “it’s very good to bee Home again. I plan to spend the rest of the Day just taking it Easy, and enjoying a nice, refreshing Nectar Fizz and munching on some of Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™.”

“About that,” Kevin said. “You should know that Queen Darla has decided to rename Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Cookies - they’re now to bee called ‘Queen Darla’s Magic Biscuits’. Most of us refuse to call them that, and Great Grandma Gee Gee is more than upset about this whole thing, but the Queen has issued a Royal Decree, so some of the bees in the Hive are now using the New Name - but not most of us. We like the old Name.”

“You know,” I said, “it seems as if a Lot has Changed since I’ve been asleep, but I will bee part of the Swarm that continues to call Gee Gee’s Cookies by their real name. So I very much want a Platter full of those, a Nectar Fizz, and to just take off my Shoes and Relax - right after I used the Bathroom.”

“I am afraid that will have to Wait, Uncle,” Kevin informed me. “The fact is that your Editor has demanded to See You as soon as you were Released from Krunch’s Custody - Or Else - which just happens to bee Right Now. So you have to go do that.”

“Fine,” I said. “But I do need to use the Bathroom first.”

“Fine,” Kevin said.

So that’s what I did, then I went to see my Editor who told me that I Owe him Bigtime and that he wanted me to start Reporting on the Fabricated Truth of what’s happening under Queen Darla’s Regime.

So I’m gonna do that.

I'm Highly Happy to let everybody know that my Lawyer, S.O. Bee, was able to Intervene in the Threatened Deportation of my friend, Rudy Bee, to that Highly Unpleasant Off-Shore Punitive Beehive somewhere off the coast of the Gulf of Mexico.  He convinced Krunch McKowsy (Queen Darla's  Enforcer) that Rudy hadn't been Insulting her Insufferable Royal Highness, Queen Darla, and that he was merely Doing His Job as the Investigative Reporter for the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record...and Online News. So Rudy's free. For now.

But I'm Highly Unhappy to announce that Krunch McKowsky decided to take me into Custody beecause he thinks I shouldn't bee able to call Her Insufferable Royal Highness, Queen Darla, "Insufferable", even if (as everybody in the Hive knows) she is. So I'm under arrest and am beeing threatened with beeing Deported to that Highly Unpleasant Off-Shore Punitive Beehive somewhere off the coast of the Gulf of Mexico. I can tell you right now that I don't want to Go There. As I might have mentioned beefore,  I've heard the Nectar there is terrible, and the only thing on the TV in the Commons Area are re-runs of those Annoying Burger Queen Commercials (I'm sure you know the ones). I'm guessing they do  that on purpose, just to make the whole Experience of beeing there all the more Non-Enjoyable.  

Anyway, after Krunch took me into Custody, I was given the Opportunity to send One Buzz-O-Gram™, so I contacted Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) and asked him to ask my Lawyer (S.O.Bee) to come back to Krunch's Temporary Detention Facility that's conveniently located in the Basement of the Hive (you didn't know that Hives have Basements did you? ), so I'm hoping that he shows up pretty Soon and is able to get me out of this mess.

I asked Krunch if I was at least going to get a Hearing about all this.
"No," he said.
"But I'm a Contributive Member of the Swarm in Good Standing, mostly, so shouldn't I at least get a chance to Speak on my Own Beehalf?" I had to know.
"No," he said.
"Well, I think you should know that my Lawyer is on the way, and I think he'll bee able to clear up this Whole Mess."
"He'd better bee here soon," Krunch said, "beecause your Flight will bee leaving soon."
(I found out that Red Eye, Owner and Chief Pilot of WTF Airlines has cut a Deal with Her Insufferable Royal Highness, Queen Darla, to Transport those she considers to bee "Problem Bees" to that Detention Hive. To bee honest, I would have expected better from Red Eye.) 

In the meantime, while I'm waiting for him to Show Up, I've just been informed that I have to Submit to having my Wing Prints taken (no two wings are the same, you know) and get ready to Board my Flight, which I hope I don't hafta' do beefore S.O.Bee gets here and manages to use his Formidable Negotiating Skills to Facilitate my Release and convinces Krunch to let me go back Home to my ShoeBox (I really need to use the Bathroom, and I totally Prefer to use my own), then take a Nap.

So I'm gonna go do that.

So I Know everybody’s anxious to Know what I found out about what it was that I didn’t want to Know about, so I’m here to tell you what I Know, so far.

First, I’m sorry it’s taken me so Long to get back to you on this, but after I started asking around about what it was I didn’t wanna Know, I was taken into Custody by Krunch McKowski on Suspicion of Asking Too Many Questions (which used to bee legal around here, but as I found out, ever since the Hive got a new Queen - Her Insufferable Royal Majesty, Queen Darla - it appears that asking too many Questions can get you into Trouble), and I was just finally Released early this Morning, thanks to the Fine Work of my Lawyer, S.O.Bee. If it weren’t for him, chances are I’d already bee on my way to Highly Unpleasant Off-Shore Punitive BeeHive somewhere off the Gulf of Mexico. I’m glad I’m not there - I’ve heard the Nectar is terrible.

Anyway, I’m still just finding out a few of the things I wanted to Know, and was lucky enough to find the Front Page of yesterday’s Bee Times Gazette Journal Record…and Online News, which I’m Pleased and Proud to bee able to Share with you. Hey - it’s better than nothing, probably.

There are still a whole bunch of things I hafta’ find out about what the hell is Going On around here, and I was just about to go find my friend, Rudy Bee, but rumour has it that yesterday, he was taken into Custody by Krunch McCowsky by Order of the Queen, and that he’s beeing Questioned about the nature of the Investigative Journalism he’s been doing. From the Buzz I heard around the Hive, Krunch is accusing Rudy of Insulting the Queen (which, by the way, didn’t used to bee a Problem, but apparently is now a Punishable Offence that could result in Rudy’s beeing sent to a Highly Unpleasant Off-Shore Punitive Beehive somewhere off the Gulf of Mexico that I mentioned beefore), so I’ve gotta go give S.O.Bee a Buzz and ask if he’ll Intervene and try to arrange for Rudy to bee Released. I hope he can, beecause Rudy is about the only Bee who seems to know what the hell is really Going On around here.

So I’ve gotta go do that.

You know how sometimes you think you wanna Know something that somebody else has said, “You don’t wanna’ Know”, but you DID wanna Know, and the fact that they said that made you want to Know even more, so you keep asking around until you finally find out what it was they said you didn’t wanna Know, but then you start to think that maybee you really don’t want to Know whatever it is you don't wanna' Know, after all? I’m pretty sure that’s happened to all of us, mostly, and I’m here to Inform you that as much as I'd like to Tell you all about what the hell's been Going On since I've been Asleep, I still don’t Know what it is I don’t wanna Know, so I can't. Sorry about that.
But let me Explain:

First, after Potato (my Sensory-Deprived Certified Emotional Support/Service LadyBug) woke me up and got me all Curious about what was Going On that she said I didn’t want to Know, I finished the MegaSlurp-Sized Mug of Morning Nectar, put on a fresh pair of Socks, went to the Bathroom again, then decided to head over to the Hive to find out what the hell is Going On.

The first friend I ran into was ButterCup, my girlfriend.

“It’s nice to see you’re finally Awake, Georgie,” she said. “We were beeginning to think that you’d either fallen into another Coma, or that maybee you Died in your Sleep — after all, you are getting Older by the Day — so I’m glad you’re still with us. I don’t suppose you’re here to wish me a Happy Birthday, are you? I’m sure you remembered that my Birthday was two days ago, right? And I’ll just bet you’ve got a Fabulous Birthday Surprise to give me, right?”

I hafta’ say that I hadn’t had a chance to check my Calendar, so I hadn’t Remembered that it was ButterCup’s Birthday, so of course, I didn’t have a Fabulous Birthday Surprise to give her, but as everybody Knows, I think very Quickly on my Feet (though I hafta bee honest and admit that I think I Think faster when I’m sitting down, but there was no Chair around, so that was that), so I said, “Absolutely. My Gift to you is your Choice of either an All-Expense-Paid Lunch or an Elegantly Romantic Eighteen-Course Supper at Lousy Louie’s - just name the Day you wanna’ go, and we’ll make it a Birthday Date,” I said.

ButterCup kind of looked at me Suspiciously out of the Corner of her Compound Eye, and said, “I suppose if that’s the best you can come up with, that’ll have to do, but I was hoping for something more along the line of a Gift Card from Bees’R’Us, or maybee tickets to Rudy’s ‘Welcome to the New Warm Season’ Classical Bluegrass Concert next month - I heard it’s going to Feature UltraViolet on her Ukulele, and the Ever-Popular Zambeezi. I just love them, you know.”

“Sorry, I was going to get Tickets for us last week,” (so I told her a Harmless Lie), ”but they were all Sold Out, so if we’re gonna’ go to that, I’m gonna’ hafta’ find some Tickets on the Black Market for us.” I was sure I’d Fooled her.

“You’re lying, Georgie. I know that, beecause the Tickets just went on sale this Morning. I can only Hope that you get us Tickets beefore they are all Sold Out…Or Else,” she said.

“Or Else what?” I had to Know.
“You don’t wanna Know,” she said.

Which brings me back to what I was going to Share with you, in a way. Changing the Subject, I told ButterCup about how Potato was Reading the Paper and was Refusing to tell me what’s Going On, and that beesides telling me about the Tariffs, she would only say that I don’t wanna Know. Do you happen to Know what the hell has been Going On while I was Sleeping?” I asked.

“I do,” ButterCup said. “And you Know about the Tariffs?”

“I do,” I said. “So what so what else has been Going On?” I asked her.

“You don’t wanna Know,” was all she said.

Then she told me she’d let me know about the Lunch or Elegantly Romantic Supper at Lousy Louies, but that her Break was Over and that she had to get back to work.
So she did that.

To make what should bee Relatively Short Story just a little bit longer, I started asking everybody I ran into at the Hive if they Knew what the hell had been Going On while I was Asleep. They all said, “Yes, we do,” then I’d say, “What?”, and they’d only say, “You don’t want to Know.”

How frustrating is that? And, of course, when I tried to find a copy of the Latest Edition of the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record…and Online News, they were all Sold Out.

Finally, I decided the best way I could find out about what everybody said I didn’t wanna’ Know that I wanted to Know was to go visit BigFoot. He’s not only Highly Well-Informed (he reads all the time - that’s all he does beecause that’s all he Can Do since he can’t Fly beecause his Feet are too Big, which must bee a Drag), but he always tells the Truth, mostly, so I Knew if anybody could or would tell me what the hell has been Going On, it was BigFoot. I was mostly absolutely Sure that he’d let me Know whatever it was that I supposedly didn’t want to Know.

So I did that.

When I found BigFoot, he was buzzy sorting through the next Pile of Books he plans to Read over the Warm Season. When he saw me coming, he said, “So you finally Woke Up, did you?”

“Yes, I am now Awake. I’m also Highly Curious about what the hell has been Going On while I was sleeping, but…”, he Interrupted me.

“But let me guess: everybody you’ve Asked has told you that you don’t want to Know, am I right?”

“That’s correct,” I was Amazed he Knew that. “And…”, I started to Say, but he Interrupted me again.

“…and you’ve come to visit me beecause you think I’ll bee able to tell you what it is they say you don’t want to Know - right? How am I doing so far?”

“Just great,” I complimented him, “but I’m still trying to find out what the hell it is that everybody says I don’t want to Know that I want to Know.”

“I Know,” BigFoot said, “but I regret to Inform you that, in this Instance, I, uh, I…uh…really can’t help you out, beecause...umm.. I’ve been so Buzzy sorting books that I don’t Know what’s been Going On. Yeah, that’s right. I’ve had to sort all these Books. But to bee Almost Honest with you, I have also heard that whatever it is that’s been Going On, you don’t want to Know, probably.” Then he looked at me funny. Something was Up. I couldn’t bee Sure, but I was totally and without any Question whatsoever Positive that BigFoot was Lying to me. But I couldn’t Prove it, and I could tell he wasn’t in the Mood to bee Questioned any further about any of this.

So I thanked him and left.

I hafta’ say that I’m beeyond Frustrated about all this, so I’ve decided the best thing to do is to get a Table at Lousy Louie’s (or maybee a Booth — Booth’s are more Private, aren’t they? And they’re usually a lot more Comfortable, but if they only have a Table available, I’ll take that. I’m not overly Demanding, usually sometimes), and I’ll order a Tall Nectar Fizz and just wait for the Late Edition of the Paper to show up at my Nearest Convenient News Stand - and then I’m completely sure I’ll finally bee able to find out what the hell it is that I don’t wanna’ Know that I wanna Know.

So I’m gonna go do that.