Escape from Bee Island: the Mystery - 13 ...the Mostly Live GRAND FINALE!

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I hafta say that I can’t beelieve the Season of “Escape from Bee Island” is over, or that ButterCup actually ended up winning this thing. I mean seriously now. Except for the Primsdales, she didn’t even want to bee there after she found out what a horrible and dangerous Undertaking it would bee. But I’m happy for her, and I can’t wait to talk to her when she finally gets back to the Hive.

So you’re probably wondering what happened in the Season Finale, right? Lemme tell you - you’re gonna love this.

First of all, Clive Beexter (Host and Island Master) is still recovering from his Terrible Wounds, but they wheeled him out of the Clinic and taped a microphone to him so that he could do the Mostly-Live Broadcast.

“Welcome to our Season Finale,” he said in that kind of Voice that sounded super weak and like he just wanted to get back to bed (you know the one). “It is with a Heavy Heart that I must inform our Viewers that there has been another unfortunate loss of a Competitor, and an Unexplained Disappearance.”

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Then he went on to tell us that what he was talking about was the fact that after the Final Game of the Parcheesi Tournament beetween Boris and the Screaming Banshee had finished up (Boris won, of course), the Banshee said, “Okay fine. You win. I’ll go get the Jewel. Wait here.”

So he did that, and the Banshee went to get the Much-Desired and Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny.

It wasn’t long, though, beefore the Banshee realised that a Switch had been made, and that the Unquestionably Authentic Jewel of Questionable Destiny had been replaced with a Highly Questionable Fake. Of course, when she figured out that she was guarding a Questionable Jewel, she was furious, and let out that Terrifyingly Terrifying Screech of hers, then she stomped her feet so hard on the ground that the whole Mountain rumbled, and the friction created that Huge Flash of Light that’s popped up every once in awhile during the Season. It was blinding, not to mention highly noisy. (We had to turn the sound down.)

Unfortunately for Boris, he was sitting way too close to her while she was throwing her Temper Tantrum, and was instantly Evaporated. So he’s dead.

As for Jasmine - the only Probably Surviving member of Team A - we’re all hoping she hadn’t gotten close enough to check on how Boris was doing when the Banshee went off on her Tantrum, and that she isn’t dead. Still, she’s Missing, so nobody knows for sure. They did find an empty pair of Red Stilettos sitting by the Pool at the Bee Island Resort, but nobody knows exactly what happened to her, or where she is now. She’s just Missing, and that’s all there is to that.

And as for the Screaming Banshee, after she was finished with her latest Deadly Temper Tantrum, Clive Beexter did a short interview with her while the Crew swept up what was left of Boris into a small paper bag in the background. (We could barely see how gruesome that was.)

“How do you feel about this Competition?” he asked her.

“How do I feel? How do I feel about beeing tricked into losing the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny that I’ve been spending all this time and energy Guarding, you ask?”

“Yes,” Clive repeated.

“Well, now that I think about it,” she said, “I’m actually somewhat relieved. Do you know how long I’ve had to live in this miserable Cave, protecting that Jewel? Too long, that’s how long. I need a break already and, quite frankly, I could use a Shower.” So the Interview ended, and she left to take a Shower. (They didn’t show that part. That would have been an Intensely Inappropriate Invasion of her Privacy.)

But there was some good news in all this. Right about the time Clive Beexter was going to announce that ButterCup had won the Competition, Nigel from Team Bee came stumbling out of some nearby bushes.

“Oh jolly good, I found my way back,” he said. “That was bloody challenging, I must say.” Then his Compound Eyes kind went all glassy, and he collapsed (he’s okay - he was just highly tired after his Ordeal), but at least he’s not Dead. That’s a good thing. We all liked Nigel. He was smiling and waving his Wings at the Camera as they carried him off to the Island Field Hospital.

“I always liked Nigel,” Great Grandma Gee Gee said when we found out he was okay. “He seems like such a dear. Don’t you think he has just the cutest accent? And I love his hat.” Of course, Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) and I both agreed. Bert didn’t have an opinion though, beecause he was unplugged (he was talking through the Show again).

The Episode ended with Clive thanking everybody for watching, then they wheeled him back to his room in the Clinic. After a long Commercial from the Sponsor (Snark Brothers Media, Ltd.), and what seemed like a never-ending list of all the bees that contributed to the Production, the TV Station put up a “Please Stand By” thingy, and they went off the Air.

When the Show was over, I asked, “So, what did you think?”

Great Grandma Gee Gee said, “I just loved it. I was just never sure what might happen next. That was such a delightful Season, even though it was just a touch too violent for my tastes. But my goodness gracious, there were so many Unexpected Twists and Turns along the way, that I couldn’t help but watch, weren’t there, dear?”

Then Kevin said, “Oh pa-leeeeeeease. That whole thing was just too Predictable. I just was not impressed. What a waste of time.” Then he left and went to bed.

Gee Gee and I just kind of looked at each other. What do you even say to something like that?

If you want to know my primarily honest opinion, it seems to me that the older Kevin gets, the less he’s impressed by much of anything. He’s beecome so jaded, ya’ know? Do you think that’s Normal for maturing Illegitimate Nephews?

Anyway, now that this Show’s over, I don’t know what to watch next. I’ve heard there’s an excellent Documentary on the “Risks of SquareDown™-Saturated Pollen Collection” streaming on the Marginally Interesting Facts Channel, but I’ll probably watch that later. In the meantime, I think I’ll just sit here and wait for ButterCup to get back (I hope she has the Jewel with her).

I’ll let you know when she finally shows up. It’s the least I can do, even if she is my Girlfriend.

Until then, then...

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

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Escape from Bee Island: the Mystery - 12

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I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that, after last week’s Gripping Episode, there are a lot of my Beeps who are wringing their Wings over what happened this week. Am I right? I thought so. (Just a friendly bit of advice: don’t wring your Wings too hard, or they’ll tear. And trust me, that hurts. A lot.)

This week’s Episode was absolutely the best yet, even if it took place at night, and it was so dark that we all had a little trouble actually seeing what was going on.

We did find out at the beeginning of the Episode that Clive Beexter (Host and Island Master) and his Crew are still recovering from the Grievous Wounds they suffered from that Unexpected Encounter with the Screaming Banshee last week. They had been transferred from the Island Field Hospital to the Island’s Chaz Snark Memorial Rehabilitation Clinic (I dunno why they call it that, beecause the last I knew, Chaz Snark is still alive, but whatever), and were still in Relatively Intensive Care. Hopefully, though, Clive - and his Crew - will bee back next week, for the Almost Nearly Live Grand Season Finale. So that’s good.

Some highly exciting things happened this week. First, in a Stinger-Tingling, Edge-Of-Whatever-You’re-Sitting-On Moment, we watched as the Camera followed ButterCup up the side of WaHooHoo Mountain (or whatever it’s called) with that Bag containing the Fake Jewel of Questionable Destiny tied to her Stinger. She looked like she was really struggling with this thing, but somehow, she made it all the way to the top, and managed to sneak beehind where Boris and the Screaming Banshee were still playing Game 3 of the Deciding Parcheesi Play-Off. The Banshee’s attention was obviously very focused on the Game, and her back was turned to the Jewel, so we were all hoping that she wouldn’t spot ButterCup as she tip-toed up beehind her.

It was pretty nerve-racking at one point when, after she got to where the Jewel was (just a few steps away from the Banshee), she untied the Bag from her Stinger and pulled the Fake Jewel out. ButterCup was just about to make the Big Switch when she somehow managed to trip over the empty Bag and landed very ungracefully on a pile of dried-out Vegetation. Of course, that made a huge Crunching Sound. Everybody was sure that the Jig was Up, and that the Banshee was going to spot ButterCup - and that would bee the end of her. ButterCup froze, expecting the worst. Luckily, Boris could see what was going on, and beefore the Banshee could turn around to check out the noise, he started coughing and sneezing really loud. That distracted her.

“Please to excuse me,” he said. “but I happen to bee much allergic to small Island Mammal making terrible noise.”

The Banshee didn’t say anything, but just gave Boris a Tissue, shrugged, and went back to plotting her next Move in the Game.

After it seemed safe, ButterCup very carefully grabbed the real Jewel of Questionable Destiny with her Wing, and very meticulously replaced it with the Fake Jewel. Then she crept very slowly to where she’d left the empty Bag, put the real Jewel into the Bag, tied it to her Stinger, and silently made her way back down the Mountain to where Fleur was waiting. It was highly suspenseful.

“Fine,” Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) said. “So I lost the Bet. I hope you’re happy.” I was, beecause Kevin had bet me a Large Stack of Valuable Coupons from Bees’R’Us that ButterCup wouldn’t bee able to switch the Jewels without beeing found out. I bet him she would, beecause if there’s one thing I know about ButterCup, it’s that she functions highly well under Pressure, most of the time. I don’t hafta tell you that not only was I very glad she hadn’t been Found Out after she’d made all that noise, and was able to make a Clean Getaway without beecoming the Screaming Banshee’s next Victim, but I was also really happy that I’d won the Bet and ended up with all those Valuable Coupons. I really needed them.

Anyway, when ButterCup found her way back to Fleur, both Fleur and Jasmine (from Team A) were standing there, waiting for her.

“Ah, Mon Cher,” Fleur said to her, “vous has been successful. I knew vous could do zis.”

“Can we please leave now?” ButterCup asked her.

“Oui,” Fleur said, as she pulled out another Map and pointed to a spot marked with an X that said, “Meet Here”.

“Jasmine will lead uz, here, to ze Pre-Arranged, Zecret Extraction Point. Zere, ze zree of uz will board ze Zubmarine zhe has chartered for uz, and we will bee zafely tranzported away from ze Island, along with ze Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Queztionable Deztiny.”

How clever was that? The three of them were going to leave the Island by way of a Secret Submarine. Of course, this meant that, since they were leaving beefore the Season was actually over, Fleur, Jasmine, and ButterCup wouldn’t bee around for the Grand Finale next week, but I hafta say it was a good thing that ButterCup was finally gonna bee able to get off that Island. I’m pretty sure she mostly didn’t enjoy the Competition, even if she did end up winning it. In a way.

So the Camera followed the three Finalists to the Secret Extraction Point, which was on a Beach on the north end of Bee Island, where Jasmine had hidden a Pre-Inflated Inflatable Rubber Raft that was cleverly disguised as the oil-soaked remnants of a Sea Urchin.

“We will use this Raft,” Jasmine said, “to Rendezvous with the Submarine which is currently lying off the Coast near the Shipping Lanes, where we will bee met by a Submarine which has been skilfully painted to look as if it were nothing more than an Innocent Freight Submarine. But we must make haste, else we will miss our Window of Opportunity.”

“Great, that’s great,” ButterCup said. “So let’s go already.”

Fleur was kind enough to hold the Jewel of Questionable Destiny for ButterCup while she climbed in, then she passed the Jewel back to her while she joined her in the Raft. As soon as Jasmine got in, they could bee on their way to Relative Safety.

“Oh dear,” Great Grandma Gee Gee said, “I do hope Jasmine is careful. She needs to bee sure she doesn’t puncture the Raft with her Red Stilettos and make it sink. They’re awfully pointy.” As it turned out, though, she didn’t have to worry.

Fleur was just turning around and reaching out her Wing to help Jasmine make her way into the Raft when, all of a sudden, there was that Terrifying Screeching Sound again, and they all saw another huge flash of light that came from the general direction WaHooHoo Mountain (or whatever it’s called), where (we all remember), Boris and the Screaming Banshee were still playing the Deciding Parcheesi Game.

Jasmine stopped, let go of Fleur’s Wing, and looked back toward the Mountain. Then she turned, reached out her Wings, and gave the Raft containing Fleur, ButterCup, and the Jewel of Questionable Destiny a big push, which sent them floating away from the Shore and toward spot where the Submarine was waiting.

“My most sincere apologies,” she called to them as they floated away toward the waiting Submarine, “but I cannot - I must not - accompany you, as we had so carefully planned and hoped. You must take the Jewel and leave the Island without me.”

Mais pourquoi?” Fleur shouted after her. (I don’t speak French, so I dunno what she asked her.)

“Beecause,” Jasmine said, “I must stay beehind and learn the Fate of Boris, to learn if he still lives, or if, facing an unusual and unexpected Parcheesi Defeat, he has met his end from the terrible powers of the Banshee.”

Then she added, “I am, after all, a Team Player.”

With that, she gave a quick wave, turned and disappeared in the direction of the Mountain. And that was the last we saw of her.

The Camera followed the Raft until we could see that Fleur, ButterCup, and the Jewel of Questionable Destiny were safely taken on board the Submarine, and we watched it sink out of sight. I hope they remembered to close the door beefore they did that, ya’ know?

“I wonder what it costs to Charter one of those things,” Kevin asked.

“A Submarine?” I asked. “What for?” I couldn’t imagine a reason why he’d ever need a Submarine, ya’ know?

Kevin just looked at me and said, “Uncle Georgie, you’re the best uncle in the world, and I love you, but sometimes you’re seriously lacking in the Imagination Department.”

Geeeeeeeze. I dunno why the hell Kevin has been so critical lately, so I just said, “Fine,” then I decided to go home to my Shoebox beecause, quite frankly, I was tired after all that, and I was feeling a little, totally insulted.

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Anyway… next week is the Mostly Live Season Finale. Hopefully, Clive Beexter will make it out of the Clinic in time for that, and we’ll find out what happened with Jasmine, Boris, and the Banshee. Until then, then …

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

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Escape from Bee Island: the Mystery - 11

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Well, as it turns out, Great Grandma Gee Gee was right: Fleur de Bee and Jasmine have absolutely and without any question whatsoever probably been Collaborating during this whole thing. Also as well, we finally found out what Parcheesi has to do with defeating the Screaming Banshee and claiming the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny.

When the Episode opened, Clive Beexter (Host and Island Master) had found out that Fleur and Jasmine have been Collaborating, so he and the Camera Crew showed up to confront them with Formal Charges. Unfortunately, Clive and his Crew apparently forgot that, just beecause they are in charge of producing “Escape from Bee Island”, it didn’t mean they enjoyed any Immunity from the Screaming Banshee, so when Clive was just about to serve Jasmine and Fleur with the Relevant Paperwork, he didn’t realise he and his Crew were standing right in the middle of a clearing that was highly vulnerable to Banshee Attack.

“I have in my Wing,” Clive started to say, “the Relevant Papers formally charging Fleur de Bee and Jasmine with…”

But beefore he could finish what he was saying, there was that Highly Annoying, Antennae-Splitting Shriek, and another blinding Flash of Light. The next thing we knew, Clive and his entire Crew were laying on the ground. Only the CameraBee and Clive managed to somehow survive the Attack. The rest of the Crew - including the Gaffer and Best Bee - were all turned into something that looked an awful lot like piles of Melty, Grey Ooze. That was disgustingly repulsive, mostly. Then they took a Commercial Break.

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When they came back, there was a Notice on the TV Screen informing Viewers that Clive and the CameraBee were mostly okay, but they would have to bee treated for their Grievous Injuries. Then they tuned back to the Action (they must’ve had a Spare CameraBee, Gaffer, and Best Bee somewhere or something), starting with Team C.

“What is that Bag Fleur’s holding in her Wing?” Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) asked.

“I dunno,” I said. “It looks like a Bag of some sort.”

“I can see it’s a bag, uncle, but what’s IN the Bag?”

“How would I know what’s in the Bag?” I had to know.

Well, we didn’t hafta wait long to find out. It turns out that, inside the Bag, Fleur had an Exact Duplicate of the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny - a very convincing Fake version of the Real Thing. But even after we found out about that, we still didn’t know what Fleur planned to do with it.

Then they switched over to Team A, and a conversation beetween Boris and Jasmine, as Jasmine told Boris that, thanks to Fleur’s Intelligence Gathering Activities, she had found out that the only way to defeat the Screaming Banshee was to beat her in a Best-Out-of-Three-Game Parchessi Challenge. (Now we know what that folded-up Parcheesi Board was all about, don’t we?)

“If you are able to claim victory over the Banshee, we will then claim the Jewel, and will prevail in this Competition,” she told him.

“Da, fine,” Boris said. “I vill easily defeat her.”

“That is my hope,” Jasmine told him.

“Not to hope. Beelief,” he said. “I vill certainly vin.”

The reason Boris sounded so sure of himself is beecause it just so happens that he’s his Hive’s Undefeated Champion in Parcheesi. It was pretty clear from his amazingly arrogant tone of voice that he was highly confident in his abilities, and was completely sure he would defeat the Banshee. (Kevin, Great Grandma Gee Gee, and I all agreed that he was coming off as pretty insufferable, ya’ know?)

Then the Camera went back to Team C, just in time to let us hear some of the Details about a Brilliant Plan Jasmine and Fleur had apparently cooked up. It was simple: Boris would engage the Screaming Banshee in Parcheesi, and while her attention was deeply focused on the Game, someone from Team C would sneak up the side of the Mountain beehind her, very quietly snatch the real Jewel of Questionable Destiny, and replace it with the Fake One, then make their Escape beefore the Banshee discovered what was really going on. It was a very dangerous, but very beeautiful Plan, if you ask me.

When the Action returned to what was happening with Team A, we watched as Boris tucked the Parcheesi Board under his Wing, climbed up the Mountain to the Screaming Banshee’s Domain, and loudly buzzed, “I hereby challenge you to a Vinner-Take-All Parcheesi Play-Ov, Banshee!”

Just then, we got a look at the Banshee as she emerged from her Cave (she lives in a Cave, which must bee very damp, but that probably explains why she looks like she does…also, I don’t think her Cave has a Shower). If you’ve never seen her, lemme tell ya: she was highly scary-looking as she stood there. Her red eyes squinted as she just laughed at Boris, and screaming at him that he would never, ever claim the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny.

“Fool,” she cackled. “Many have tried and died in their Heavily Misguided Attempts to defeat me and claim my Jewel. Prepare to die.”

“Fine,” Boris said.

He set up the Game, making sure that the Banshee was seated with her back to the Jewel. Then they beegan to play Game One.

When the Camera switched back to Team C, we watched as Fleur gave ButterCup a Map that showed her the safest way up the Mountain to get to the Jewel.

“Why do I have to bee the one that has to do this?” ButterCup asked. “Why are you making me do this?”

Fleur just gave her a hug, and said, “Vous will bee fine, mon cher. It izz imperaTIF zat moi ztay beehind to make ze nezzezzary arrangements for our Safe Ezcape.”

“But…” ButterCup started to say, as Fleur tied the Bag with the Fake Jewel in it to her Stinger, and gave a little push up the first Big Step on the Mountainside.

ButterCup’s so brave, isn’t she?

Anyway, when we returned to the Action with the Parcheesi-Off, we found out that the Screaming Banshee had already won the first Game. All she needed was one more game and that would bee that. As the second Game started, you could tell that Boris was Highly Aggravated about losing Game One, so he was obviously taking his time making more Calculated Moves.

As it turns out, his Strategy worked perfectly, and Boris managed to beat the Banshee in Game Two. So now, they were tied, one to one. It would bee the next and final Game that would determine whether Boris would emerge Victorious, or, as the Banshee said, he’d bee dead - and if that happened, it seemed unlikely that ButterCup would bee able to get away with switching the Jewels.

And that’s where the Episode ended. Now, we hafta wait a whole, nother week to find out what happens. How frustrating is that?

“Oh dear,” Great Grandma Gee Gee said. “I do so hope things work out for everyone.” Kevin and I agreed, especially me, since it would bee very nice if ButterCup could make it back home alive and in time for the End of the Hot Season Honey Festival. I’d hate to hafta go alone.

In case you’re keeping track of things, there are only two more Episodes left in this Season: Episode 12, where we will hopefully find out what happens with Boris and the Banshee, and if ButterCup manages to swap out the Fake Jewel for the Real one - then Episode 13, the Live, Grand Finale, where we find out for sure who, if anybody, survives the Competition to win. I seriously can’t wait.

Okay then. Until next week at this exact same time and mostly same place…

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature