Escape from Bee Island: the Mystery - 13 ...the Mostly Live GRAND FINALE!


I hafta say that I can’t beelieve the Season of “Escape from Bee Island” is over, or that ButterCup actually ended up winning this thing. I mean seriously now. Except for the Primsdales, she didn’t even want to bee there after she found out what a horrible and dangerous Undertaking it would bee. But I’m happy for her, and I can’t wait to talk to her when she finally gets back to the Hive.

So you’re probably wondering what happened in the Season Finale, right? Lemme tell you - you’re gonna love this.

First of all, Clive Beexter (Host and Island Master) is still recovering from his Terrible Wounds, but they wheeled him out of the Clinic and taped a microphone to him so that he could do the Mostly-Live Broadcast.

“Welcome to our Season Finale,” he said in that kind of Voice that sounded super weak and like he just wanted to get back to bed (you know the one). “It is with a Heavy Heart that I must inform our Viewers that there has been another unfortunate loss of a Competitor, and an Unexplained Disappearance.”


Then he went on to tell us that what he was talking about was the fact that after the Final Game of the Parcheesi Tournament beetween Boris and the Screaming Banshee had finished up (Boris won, of course), the Banshee said, “Okay fine. You win. I’ll go get the Jewel. Wait here.”

So he did that, and the Banshee went to get the Much-Desired and Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny.

It wasn’t long, though, beefore the Banshee realised that a Switch had been made, and that the Unquestionably Authentic Jewel of Questionable Destiny had been replaced with a Highly Questionable Fake. Of course, when she figured out that she was guarding a Questionable Jewel, she was furious, and let out that Terrifyingly Terrifying Screech of hers, then she stomped her feet so hard on the ground that the whole Mountain rumbled, and the friction created that Huge Flash of Light that’s popped up every once in awhile during the Season. It was blinding, not to mention highly noisy. (We had to turn the sound down.)

Unfortunately for Boris, he was sitting way too close to her while she was throwing her Temper Tantrum, and was instantly Evaporated. So he’s dead.

As for Jasmine - the only Probably Surviving member of Team A - we’re all hoping she hadn’t gotten close enough to check on how Boris was doing when the Banshee went off on her Tantrum, and that she isn’t dead. Still, she’s Missing, so nobody knows for sure. They did find an empty pair of Red Stilettos sitting by the Pool at the Bee Island Resort, but nobody knows exactly what happened to her, or where she is now. She’s just Missing, and that’s all there is to that.

And as for the Screaming Banshee, after she was finished with her latest Deadly Temper Tantrum, Clive Beexter did a short interview with her while the Crew swept up what was left of Boris into a small paper bag in the background. (We could barely see how gruesome that was.)

“How do you feel about this Competition?” he asked her.

“How do I feel? How do I feel about beeing tricked into losing the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny that I’ve been spending all this time and energy Guarding, you ask?”

“Yes,” Clive repeated.

“Well, now that I think about it,” she said, “I’m actually somewhat relieved. Do you know how long I’ve had to live in this miserable Cave, protecting that Jewel? Too long, that’s how long. I need a break already and, quite frankly, I could use a Shower.” So the Interview ended, and she left to take a Shower. (They didn’t show that part. That would have been an Intensely Inappropriate Invasion of her Privacy.)

But there was some good news in all this. Right about the time Clive Beexter was going to announce that ButterCup had won the Competition, Nigel from Team Bee came stumbling out of some nearby bushes.

“Oh jolly good, I found my way back,” he said. “That was bloody challenging, I must say.” Then his Compound Eyes kind went all glassy, and he collapsed (he’s okay - he was just highly tired after his Ordeal), but at least he’s not Dead. That’s a good thing. We all liked Nigel. He was smiling and waving his Wings at the Camera as they carried him off to the Island Field Hospital.

“I always liked Nigel,” Great Grandma Gee Gee said when we found out he was okay. “He seems like such a dear. Don’t you think he has just the cutest accent? And I love his hat.” Of course, Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) and I both agreed. Bert didn’t have an opinion though, beecause he was unplugged (he was talking through the Show again).

The Episode ended with Clive thanking everybody for watching, then they wheeled him back to his room in the Clinic. After a long Commercial from the Sponsor (Snark Brothers Media, Ltd.), and what seemed like a never-ending list of all the bees that contributed to the Production, the TV Station put up a “Please Stand By” thingy, and they went off the Air.

When the Show was over, I asked, “So, what did you think?”

Great Grandma Gee Gee said, “I just loved it. I was just never sure what might happen next. That was such a delightful Season, even though it was just a touch too violent for my tastes. But my goodness gracious, there were so many Unexpected Twists and Turns along the way, that I couldn’t help but watch, weren’t there, dear?”

Then Kevin said, “Oh pa-leeeeeeease. That whole thing was just too Predictable. I just was not impressed. What a waste of time.” Then he left and went to bed.

Gee Gee and I just kind of looked at each other. What do you even say to something like that?

If you want to know my primarily honest opinion, it seems to me that the older Kevin gets, the less he’s impressed by much of anything. He’s beecome so jaded, ya’ know? Do you think that’s Normal for maturing Illegitimate Nephews?

Anyway, now that this Show’s over, I don’t know what to watch next. I’ve heard there’s an excellent Documentary on the “Risks of SquareDown™-Saturated Pollen Collection” streaming on the Marginally Interesting Facts Channel, but I’ll probably watch that later. In the meantime, I think I’ll just sit here and wait for ButterCup to get back (I hope she has the Jewel with her).

I’ll let you know when she finally shows up. It’s the least I can do, even if she is my Girlfriend.

Until then, then...

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

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