When I went over to ButterCup’s Cell, she told me to sit down, then pointed to her Nectar Table where the Jewel was sitting.

“You said you wanted to hold that thing. Well, there it is. Go for it.” So I did. I reached over and picked it up.

The very second my wings touched the Jewel, it started getting warm and I could hear a low humming coming from it. Then, there was a hypnotising glow of greenish-blue light that just got brighter the longer I held it. After just a few seconds of staring into its Shimmering Depths, I started feeling unbeelievably dizzy and suddenly wasn’t exactly sure where I was within the Time-Space Continuum, if you know what I mean. Then I started feeling Seriously Uncertain about what my actual Purpose in Life might bee, and that perhaps all the Plans I’d made for myself should bee called into Question as I could feel my Beeing beegin to melt into a Universe that held an existence that was far, far beeyond what I could have ever previously imagined. I’m pretty sure I was just beeginning to beecome One with that thing, when ButterCup knocked it out of my Wings and said, “Enough.”  I passed out.

When I woke up, I was lying on my back on the floor. ButterCup was holding the Jewel with a pair of Industrial Strength Insulated Tongs, looking down at me. I felt an incredible sense of Questionable Significance that I knew only the Jewel could soothe. That was not pleasant. At all. And ButterCup just kept staring at me.

“What?!?” I asked.

“As you’ve just learned,” she said in a language that seemed mostly familiar, “the Jewel is nothing to bee trifled with. I’ve haven’t finished reading the Manual that comes with this thing, but I’m already pretty sure that if this fell into the Wrong Wings, we’d bee in for some deeply serious trouble.

“Everything tells me that I need to keep this thing locked securely in my Closet,” she said. “So that’s what I’m going to do, at least until I can get this thing out of here. Personally, I’ll bee glad when this thing is gone, permanently - away from here, forever and for all time.” 

Geeeeze. Why the hell would anybody want to get rid of something as Disturbingly Delightful as the Jewel? I mean seriously now. I thought she should just give it to me, ya’ know? But beefore I could grab it away from her, she used the Tongs to stuff the Jewel back into the attractive Fuzz-Lined Carry-On Bag she used to bring it from Bee Island, and zipped it closed.

“I’ll take it,” I said. “Give the Bag to me,” I told her. “The Jewel beelongs with me,” I said. “I must possess it,” I said.  But no, she just rolled her Compound Eyes at me and, beefore I could get to it, she quickly stuffed the Bag into back of her Closet and locked the door. And that was that... but I could still feel the Jewel calling to me, beckoning me to reclaim it, but it was not to bee, apparently.

Then ButterCup disappeared around the corner then came back a few seconds later holding a delicious and refreshing Frozen Therapeutic NectarPop in her Wing.

“Suck on that,” she said, “it will help you snap out of it.”  
So I did that.

After about eleven minutes, I stopped feeling so Vague, and everything started to feel mostly normal again, whatever that is.

“The Jewel will bee safe and sound in my Closet until Fleur de Bee arrives to transport it to the Vault in the French Ministry of Dubious Artifacts for Perpetual Safe-Keeping,” ButterCup said.
 
“Fleur’s coming?” I asked.

“Of course she is. Didn’t I mention that? That’s why I couldn’t let you move in with me, beecause I’d already told Fleur she could stay here. There simply isn’t enough room for everybody,” ButterCup told me. “She’ll bee here just as soon as she’s done with her De-Briefing with the French Authorities. She should bee here by Thursday. In the meantime, I need to clean things up around here beefore she gets here, so you need to leave.”

“Fine,” I said, and I left.

Anyway, it’s Thursday, and I think it’s about time to buzz over to the Hive and see if Fleur has arrived yet. So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Meticulously Careful out there.

“1962? You were around in 1962? And you did a Show in Cincinnati?” I had to ask.

“Oh yes, Dear,” Gee Gee said. “I’m no Spring Larva, you know. Hadn’t I ever mentioned that I was once on the Stage?”

Oh geeeeeze. Ya’ think ya’ know somebody, then they turn around and tell you something like this. I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything (which is good, since she kept talking, and if I would have been talking at the same time, I would never have heard what she was saying, and I wouldn’t bee able to tell you any of this stuff).

“Goodness gracious, I haven’t thought about all that for years now. Those were wonderful years. Remind me to tell you about them sometime.”

Then she finished her Nectar, got up, and went back baking her Cookies.

Seriously now. How Suspensefully Rude is that?

So I think tonight, I’m gonna fix a Pitcher of delightfully refreshing Nectartinis, and try to get her talking about all this. I think about two of those things should do the trick (I don’t want her falling asleep on me while I’m trying to find out what the hell this whole Stage Thing is all about, if ya’ know what I mean).

In the meantime, ButterCup said I could visit her in her Cell today.
“But only for a little while. I have to do my Antennae,” she told me. She even promised she’d let me hold the Jewel of Questionable Destiny (“very briefly”, she said). How exciting is that?

So I’m gonna go do that.

I’ll let you know what that thing feels like - and what I manage to pry out of Great Grandma Gee Gee. Until then . . .

Let’s all bee reasonably careful out there!

Anyway. I should probably tell you that, after ButterCup didn’t show up the other when our Suitable Welcoming Committee was there, and beecause I wasn’t sure when - or if - she’d ever get back, I decided to hire a Contractor to re-do my ShoeBox (my kitchen is looking highly dated), and while the work was beeing done, I’d just move into ButterCup’s cell in the Hive. I was sure she wouldn’t mind. Apparently, however, I was amazingly wrong.

When ButterCup got back, she went straight from the Airport to her Cell in the Hive, so when I answered the door, she said, “What the hell are you doing in my Cell?”

So I told her about the whole Remodelling Thing I’m doing in my ShoeBox, and she said, “No. This isn’t happening. You’re not moving in with me. Forget it. You have to leave. Now.”

So I did that.

Of course, I have to go back at some point to get my Things. (I took the liberty of putting some Pictures on the Wall, putting around a display of a few of my Highly Collectible Unusually-Shaped Pollen Grains, so I’ll need those back. And also my Alarm Clock and Pyjamas and Prescription Compound Eye Drops (all this wind we’ve been having lately has been highly irritating - I should wear goggles).

Anyway, I’m thinking of buzzing over to the Hive later today (it’s way nice outside) and try to talk to ButterCup about all this. I have a feeling that, after she’s had a good night’s sleep (as I’m absolutely positively certain she did, mostly), I’m sure she’ll bee more Receptive to letting me just stay with her for awhile.

I’ll letcha’ know what she says.

Until then… let’s bee primarily careful out there!

Then we just stop there and waited. And waited. And waited some more, until it was pretty obvious that ButterCup’s flight on W.T.F. Airways wasn’t going to show up. Unfortunately, that isn’t all that unusual for W.T.F.. By the time it got dark, we were all pretty aggravated, it was getting cold, we were getting hungry, so we all just went home.

The last I checked, ButterCup’s Flight was still missing. But now that I think about it, maybee I should call and ask W.T.F. is going on with her Flight.

So I’m gonna go do that. I’ll letcha know what I find out.

Until then, let’s try to bee careful out there.

Well it's about time. I thought I'd never hear from ButterCup again. Seriously now - how far away IS Bee Island?

I guess this means I'm gonna hafta start putting together a Suitable Reception Committee for tomorrow, or else I'll bee Or Elsed.

Nobody wants that.

Of course, I had to reply, just to let her know that I'd gotten her message, that I was worried about her, and that I missed her . . .

She still didn't tell me when she'll bee back, but I'm sure I have plenty of time to put together that Welcome Home Party she and Fleur de Bee want, so I don't need to hurry up about that.

Anyway. I'll let everybody know what I hear when I hear it.

Until then...Let's all bee Highly Careful out there!

I hafta say that I can’t beelieve the Season of “Escape from Bee Island” is over, or that ButterCup actually ended up winning this thing. I mean seriously now. Except for the Primsdales, she didn’t even want to bee there after she found out what a horrible and dangerous Undertaking it would bee. But I’m happy for her, and I can’t wait to talk to her when she finally gets back to the Hive.

So you’re probably wondering what happened in the Season Finale, right? Lemme tell you - you’re gonna love this.

First of all, Clive Beexter (Host and Island Master) is still recovering from his Terrible Wounds, but they wheeled him out of the Clinic and taped a microphone to him so that he could do the Mostly-Live Broadcast.

“Welcome to our Season Finale,” he said in that kind of Voice that sounded super weak and like he just wanted to get back to bed (you know the one). “It is with a Heavy Heart that I must inform our Viewers that there has been another unfortunate loss of a Competitor, and an Unexplained Disappearance.”

Then he went on to tell us that what he was talking about was the fact that after the Final Game of the Parcheesi Tournament beetween Boris and the Screaming Banshee had finished up (Boris won, of course), the Banshee said, “Okay fine. You win. I’ll go get the Jewel. Wait here.”

So he did that, and the Banshee went to get the Much-Desired and Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny.

It wasn’t long, though, beefore the Banshee realised that a Switch had been made, and that the Unquestionably Authentic Jewel of Questionable Destiny had been replaced with a Highly Questionable Fake. Of course, when she figured out that she was guarding a Questionable Jewel, she was furious, and let out that Terrifyingly Terrifying Screech of hers, then she stomped her feet so hard on the ground that the whole Mountain rumbled, and the friction created that Huge Flash of Light that’s popped up every once in awhile during the Season. It was blinding, not to mention highly noisy. (We had to turn the sound down.)

Unfortunately for Boris, he was sitting way too close to her while she was throwing her Temper Tantrum, and was instantly Evaporated. So he’s dead.

As for Jasmine - the only Probably Surviving member of Team A - we’re all hoping she hadn’t gotten close enough to check on how Boris was doing when the Banshee went off on her Tantrum, and that she isn’t dead. Still, she’s Missing, so nobody knows for sure. They did find an empty pair of Red Stilettos sitting by the Pool at the Bee Island Resort, but nobody knows exactly what happened to her, or where she is now. She’s just Missing, and that’s all there is to that.

And as for the Screaming Banshee, after she was finished with her latest Deadly Temper Tantrum, Clive Beexter did a short interview with her while the Crew swept up what was left of Boris into a small paper bag in the background. (We could barely see how gruesome that was.)

“How do you feel about this Competition?” he asked her.

“How do I feel? How do I feel about beeing tricked into losing the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny that I’ve been spending all this time and energy Guarding, you ask?”

“Yes,” Clive repeated.

“Well, now that I think about it,” she said, “I’m actually somewhat relieved. Do you know how long I’ve had to live in this miserable Cave, protecting that Jewel? Too long, that’s how long. I need a break already and, quite frankly, I could use a Shower.” So the Interview ended, and she left to take a Shower. (They didn’t show that part. That would have been an Intensely Inappropriate Invasion of her Privacy.)

But there was some good news in all this. Right about the time Clive Beexter was going to announce that ButterCup had won the Competition, Nigel from Team Bee came stumbling out of some nearby bushes.

“Oh jolly good, I found my way back,” he said. “That was bloody challenging, I must say.” Then his Compound Eyes kind went all glassy, and he collapsed (he’s okay - he was just highly tired after his Ordeal), but at least he’s not Dead. That’s a good thing. We all liked Nigel. He was smiling and waving his Wings at the Camera as they carried him off to the Island Field Hospital.

“I always liked Nigel,” Great Grandma Gee Gee said when we found out he was okay. “He seems like such a dear. Don’t you think he has just the cutest accent? And I love his hat.” Of course, Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) and I both agreed. Bert didn’t have an opinion though, beecause he was unplugged (he was talking through the Show again).

The Episode ended with Clive thanking everybody for watching, then they wheeled him back to his room in the Clinic. After a long Commercial from the Sponsor (Snark Brothers Media, Ltd.), and what seemed like a never-ending list of all the bees that contributed to the Production, the TV Station put up a “Please Stand By” thingy, and they went off the Air.

When the Show was over, I asked, “So, what did you think?”

Great Grandma Gee Gee said, “I just loved it. I was just never sure what might happen next. That was such a delightful Season, even though it was just a touch too violent for my tastes. But my goodness gracious, there were so many Unexpected Twists and Turns along the way, that I couldn’t help but watch, weren’t there, dear?”

Then Kevin said, “Oh pa-leeeeeeease. That whole thing was just too Predictable. I just was not impressed. What a waste of time.” Then he left and went to bed.

Gee Gee and I just kind of looked at each other. What do you even say to something like that?

If you want to know my primarily honest opinion, it seems to me that the older Kevin gets, the less he’s impressed by much of anything. He’s beecome so jaded, ya’ know? Do you think that’s Normal for maturing Illegitimate Nephews?

Anyway, now that this Show’s over, I don’t know what to watch next. I’ve heard there’s an excellent Documentary on the “Risks of SquareDown™-Saturated Pollen Collection” streaming on the Marginally Interesting Facts Channel, but I’ll probably watch that later. In the meantime, I think I’ll just sit here and wait for ButterCup to get back (I hope she has the Jewel with her).

I’ll let you know when she finally shows up. It’s the least I can do, even if she is my Girlfriend.

Until then, then...

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that, after last week’s Gripping Episode, there are a lot of my Beeps who are wringing their Wings over what happened this week. Am I right? I thought so. (Just a friendly bit of advice: don’t wring your Wings too hard, or they’ll tear. And trust me, that hurts. A lot.)

This week’s Episode was absolutely the best yet, even if it took place at night, and it was so dark that we all had a little trouble actually seeing what was going on.

We did find out at the beeginning of the Episode that Clive Beexter (Host and Island Master) and his Crew are still recovering from the Grievous Wounds they suffered from that Unexpected Encounter with the Screaming Banshee last week. They had been transferred from the Island Field Hospital to the Island’s Chaz Snark Memorial Rehabilitation Clinic (I dunno why they call it that, beecause the last I knew, Chaz Snark is still alive, but whatever), and were still in Relatively Intensive Care. Hopefully, though, Clive - and his Crew - will bee back next week, for the Almost Nearly Live Grand Season Finale. So that’s good.

Some highly exciting things happened this week. First, in a Stinger-Tingling, Edge-Of-Whatever-You’re-Sitting-On Moment, we watched as the Camera followed ButterCup up the side of WaHooHoo Mountain (or whatever it’s called) with that Bag containing the Fake Jewel of Questionable Destiny tied to her Stinger. She looked like she was really struggling with this thing, but somehow, she made it all the way to the top, and managed to sneak beehind where Boris and the Screaming Banshee were still playing Game 3 of the Deciding Parcheesi Play-Off. The Banshee’s attention was obviously very focused on the Game, and her back was turned to the Jewel, so we were all hoping that she wouldn’t spot ButterCup as she tip-toed up beehind her.

It was pretty nerve-racking at one point when, after she got to where the Jewel was (just a few steps away from the Banshee), she untied the Bag from her Stinger and pulled the Fake Jewel out. ButterCup was just about to make the Big Switch when she somehow managed to trip over the empty Bag and landed very ungracefully on a pile of dried-out Vegetation. Of course, that made a huge Crunching Sound. Everybody was sure that the Jig was Up, and that the Banshee was going to spot ButterCup - and that would bee the end of her. ButterCup froze, expecting the worst. Luckily, Boris could see what was going on, and beefore the Banshee could turn around to check out the noise, he started coughing and sneezing really loud. That distracted her.

“Please to excuse me,” he said. “but I happen to bee much allergic to small Island Mammal making terrible noise.”

The Banshee didn’t say anything, but just gave Boris a Tissue, shrugged, and went back to plotting her next Move in the Game.

After it seemed safe, ButterCup very carefully grabbed the real Jewel of Questionable Destiny with her Wing, and very meticulously replaced it with the Fake Jewel. Then she crept very slowly to where she’d left the empty Bag, put the real Jewel into the Bag, tied it to her Stinger, and silently made her way back down the Mountain to where Fleur was waiting. It was highly suspenseful.

“Fine,” Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) said. “So I lost the Bet. I hope you’re happy.” I was, beecause Kevin had bet me a Large Stack of Valuable Coupons from Bees’R’Us that ButterCup wouldn’t bee able to switch the Jewels without beeing found out. I bet him she would, beecause if there’s one thing I know about ButterCup, it’s that she functions highly well under Pressure, most of the time. I don’t hafta tell you that not only was I very glad she hadn’t been Found Out after she’d made all that noise, and was able to make a Clean Getaway without beecoming the Screaming Banshee’s next Victim, but I was also really happy that I’d won the Bet and ended up with all those Valuable Coupons. I really needed them.

Anyway, when ButterCup found her way back to Fleur, both Fleur and Jasmine (from Team A) were standing there, waiting for her.

“Ah, Mon Cher,” Fleur said to her, “vous has been successful. I knew vous could do zis.”

“Can we please leave now?” ButterCup asked her.

“Oui,” Fleur said, as she pulled out another Map and pointed to a spot marked with an X that said, “Meet Here”.

“Jasmine will lead uz, here, to ze Pre-Arranged, Zecret Extraction Point. Zere, ze zree of uz will board ze Zubmarine zhe has chartered for uz, and we will bee zafely tranzported away from ze Island, along with ze Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Queztionable Deztiny.”

How clever was that? The three of them were going to leave the Island by way of a Secret Submarine. Of course, this meant that, since they were leaving beefore the Season was actually over, Fleur, Jasmine, and ButterCup wouldn’t bee around for the Grand Finale next week, but I hafta say it was a good thing that ButterCup was finally gonna bee able to get off that Island. I’m pretty sure she mostly didn’t enjoy the Competition, even if she did end up winning it. In a way.

So the Camera followed the three Finalists to the Secret Extraction Point, which was on a Beach on the north end of Bee Island, where Jasmine had hidden a Pre-Inflated Inflatable Rubber Raft that was cleverly disguised as the oil-soaked remnants of a Sea Urchin.

“We will use this Raft,” Jasmine said, “to Rendezvous with the Submarine which is currently lying off the Coast near the Shipping Lanes, where we will bee met by a Submarine which has been skilfully painted to look as if it were nothing more than an Innocent Freight Submarine. But we must make haste, else we will miss our Window of Opportunity.”

“Great, that’s great,” ButterCup said. “So let’s go already.”

Fleur was kind enough to hold the Jewel of Questionable Destiny for ButterCup while she climbed in, then she passed the Jewel back to her while she joined her in the Raft. As soon as Jasmine got in, they could bee on their way to Relative Safety.

“Oh dear,” Great Grandma Gee Gee said, “I do hope Jasmine is careful. She needs to bee sure she doesn’t puncture the Raft with her Red Stilettos and make it sink. They’re awfully pointy.” As it turned out, though, she didn’t have to worry.

Fleur was just turning around and reaching out her Wing to help Jasmine make her way into the Raft when, all of a sudden, there was that Terrifying Screeching Sound again, and they all saw another huge flash of light that came from the general direction WaHooHoo Mountain (or whatever it’s called), where (we all remember), Boris and the Screaming Banshee were still playing the Deciding Parcheesi Game.

Jasmine stopped, let go of Fleur’s Wing, and looked back toward the Mountain. Then she turned, reached out her Wings, and gave the Raft containing Fleur, ButterCup, and the Jewel of Questionable Destiny a big push, which sent them floating away from the Shore and toward spot where the Submarine was waiting.

“My most sincere apologies,” she called to them as they floated away toward the waiting Submarine, “but I cannot - I must not - accompany you, as we had so carefully planned and hoped. You must take the Jewel and leave the Island without me.”

“Mais pourquoi?” Fleur shouted after her. (I don’t speak French, so I dunno what she asked her.)

“Beecause,” Jasmine said, “I must stay beehind and learn the Fate of Boris, to learn if he still lives, or if, facing an unusual and unexpected Parcheesi Defeat, he has met his end from the terrible powers of the Banshee.”

Then she added, “I am, after all, a Team Player.”

With that, she gave a quick wave, turned and disappeared in the direction of the Mountain. And that was the last we saw of her.

The Camera followed the Raft until we could see that Fleur, ButterCup, and the Jewel of Questionable Destiny were safely taken on board the Submarine, and we watched it sink out of sight. I hope they remembered to close the door beefore they did that, ya’ know?

“I wonder what it costs to Charter one of those things,” Kevin asked.

“A Submarine?” I asked. “What for?” I couldn’t imagine a reason why he’d ever need a Submarine, ya’ know?

Kevin just looked at me and said, “Uncle Georgie, you’re the best uncle in the world, and I love you, but sometimes you’re seriously lacking in the Imagination Department.”

Geeeeeeeze. I dunno why the hell Kevin has been so critical lately, so I just said, “Fine,” then I decided to go home to my Shoebox beecause, quite frankly, I was tired after all that, and I was feeling a little, totally insulted.

Anyway… next week is the Mostly Live Season Finale. Hopefully, Clive Beexter will make it out of the Clinic in time for that, and we’ll find out what happened with Jasmine, Boris, and the Banshee. Until then, then …

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

Well, as it turns out, Great Grandma Gee Gee was right: Fleur de Bee and Jasmine have absolutely and without any question whatsoever probably been Collaborating during this whole thing. Also as well, we finally found out what Parcheesi has to do with defeating the Screaming Banshee and claiming the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny.

When the Episode opened, Clive Beexter (Host and Island Master) had found out that Fleur and Jasmine have been Collaborating, so he and the Camera Crew showed up to confront them with Formal Charges. Unfortunately, Clive and his Crew apparently forgot that, just beecause they are in charge of producing “Escape from Bee Island”, it didn’t mean they enjoyed any Immunity from the Screaming Banshee, so when Clive was just about to serve Jasmine and Fleur with the Relevant Paperwork, he didn’t realise he and his Crew were standing right in the middle of a clearing that was highly vulnerable to Banshee Attack.

“I have in my Wing,” Clive started to say, “the Relevant Papers formally charging Fleur de Bee and Jasmine with…”

But beefore he could finish what he was saying, there was that Highly Annoying, Antennae-Splitting Shriek, and another blinding Flash of Light. The next thing we knew, Clive and his entire Crew were laying on the ground. Only the CameraBee and Clive managed to somehow survive the Attack. The rest of the Crew - including the Gaffer and Best Bee - were all turned into something that looked an awful lot like piles of Melty, Grey Ooze. That was disgustingly repulsive, mostly. Then they took a Commercial Break.

When they came back, there was a Notice on the TV Screen informing Viewers that Clive and the CameraBee were mostly okay, but they would have to bee treated for their Grievous Injuries. Then they tuned back to the Action (they must’ve had a Spare CameraBee, Gaffer, and Best Bee somewhere or something), starting with Team C.

“What is that Bag Fleur’s holding in her Wing?” Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) asked.

“I dunno,” I said. “It looks like a Bag of some sort.”

“I can see it’s a bag, uncle, but what’s IN the Bag?”

“How would I know what’s in the Bag?” I had to know.

Well, we didn’t hafta wait long to find out. It turns out that, inside the Bag, Fleur had an Exact Duplicate of the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny - a very convincing Fake version of the Real Thing. But even after we found out about that, we still didn’t know what Fleur planned to do with it.

Then they switched over to Team A, and a conversation beetween Boris and Jasmine, as Jasmine told Boris that, thanks to Fleur’s Intelligence Gathering Activities, she had found out that the only way to defeat the Screaming Banshee was to beat her in a Best-Out-of-Three-Game Parchessi Challenge. (Now we know what that folded-up Parcheesi Board was all about, don’t we?)

“If you are able to claim victory over the Banshee, we will then claim the Jewel, and will prevail in this Competition,” she told him.

“Da, fine,” Boris said. “I vill easily defeat her.”

“That is my hope,” Jasmine told him.

“Not to hope. Beelief,” he said. “I vill certainly vin.”

The reason Boris sounded so sure of himself is beecause it just so happens that he’s his Hive’s Undefeated Champion in Parcheesi. It was pretty clear from his amazingly arrogant tone of voice that he was highly confident in his abilities, and was completely sure he would defeat the Banshee. (Kevin, Great Grandma Gee Gee, and I all agreed that he was coming off as pretty insufferable, ya’ know?)

Then the Camera went back to Team C, just in time to let us hear some of the Details about a Brilliant Plan Jasmine and Fleur had apparently cooked up. It was simple: Boris would engage the Screaming Banshee in Parcheesi, and while her attention was deeply focused on the Game, someone from Team C would sneak up the side of the Mountain beehind her, very quietly snatch the real Jewel of Questionable Destiny, and replace it with the Fake One, then make their Escape beefore the Banshee discovered what was really going on. It was a very dangerous, but very beeautiful Plan, if you ask me.

When the Action returned to what was happening with Team A, we watched as Boris tucked the Parcheesi Board under his Wing, climbed up the Mountain to the Screaming Banshee’s Domain, and loudly buzzed, “I hereby challenge you to a Vinner-Take-All Parcheesi Play-Ov, Banshee!”

Just then, we got a look at the Banshee as she emerged from her Cave (she lives in a Cave, which must bee very damp, but that probably explains why she looks like she does…also, I don’t think her Cave has a Shower). If you’ve never seen her, lemme tell ya: she was highly scary-looking as she stood there. Her red eyes squinted as she just laughed at Boris, and screaming at him that he would never, ever claim the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny.

“Fool,” she cackled. “Many have tried and died in their Heavily Misguided Attempts to defeat me and claim my Jewel. Prepare to die.”

“Fine,” Boris said.

He set up the Game, making sure that the Banshee was seated with her back to the Jewel. Then they beegan to play Game One.

When the Camera switched back to Team C, we watched as Fleur gave ButterCup a Map that showed her the safest way up the Mountain to get to the Jewel.

“Why do I have to bee the one that has to do this?” ButterCup asked. “Why are you making me do this?”

Fleur just gave her a hug, and said, “Vous will bee fine, mon cher. It izz imperaTIF zat moi ztay beehind to make ze nezzezzary arrangements for our Safe Ezcape.”

“But…” ButterCup started to say, as Fleur tied the Bag with the Fake Jewel in it to her Stinger, and gave a little push up the first Big Step on the Mountainside.

ButterCup’s so brave, isn’t she?

Anyway, when we returned to the Action with the Parcheesi-Off, we found out that the Screaming Banshee had already won the first Game. All she needed was one more game and that would bee that. As the second Game started, you could tell that Boris was Highly Aggravated about losing Game One, so he was obviously taking his time making more Calculated Moves.

As it turns out, his Strategy worked perfectly, and Boris managed to beat the Banshee in Game Two. So now, they were tied, one to one. It would bee the next and final Game that would determine whether Boris would emerge Victorious, or, as the Banshee said, he’d bee dead - and if that happened, it seemed unlikely that ButterCup would bee able to get away with switching the Jewels.

And that’s where the Episode ended. Now, we hafta wait a whole, nother week to find out what happens. How frustrating is that?

“Oh dear,” Great Grandma Gee Gee said. “I do so hope things work out for everyone.” Kevin and I agreed, especially me, since it would bee very nice if ButterCup could make it back home alive and in time for the End of the Hot Season Honey Festival. I’d hate to hafta go alone.

In case you’re keeping track of things, there are only two more Episodes left in this Season: Episode 12, where we will hopefully find out what happens with Boris and the Banshee, and if ButterCup manages to swap out the Fake Jewel for the Real one - then Episode 13, the Live, Grand Finale, where we find out for sure who, if anybody, survives the Competition to win. I seriously can’t wait.

Okay then. Until next week at this exact same time and mostly same place…

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

I hafta say that, after watching Episode 10, this Competition is not only getting Ruthless, but the Intrigue Factor just went up in a major way. I’m highly intrigued.

First of all, and in case you aren’t aware (which you’re probably not), all three Teams have closed in on WaHaHoo Mountain. When we left Team Bee (or what was left of it), Nigel was beeing as Stealthy as possible while he tried to get to the Jewel of Questionable Destiny by going up the Backside of the Mountain. And that’s pretty much all we know about him, other than there was another one of those Hugely Large flashes of Light that seemed to come from beehind the Mountain, so there’s a suspicion that Nigel may have met the same Fate as Tang, and if that’s true, there might bee only two Teams left in this thing: Team A, with Boris and Jasmine, and Team C, with ButterCup and Fleur de Bee - and all of them managed to find their way to a safe spot at the foot of WaHaHoo Mountain.

So that’s a good thing. Though, it would bee nice to know what happened to Nigel. 

Anyway, while we were watching this week’s Episode, Great Grandma Gee Gee said, “Maybee I’m just a silly old Worker with an Over-Active Imagination, but I still don’t trust those two.”

“Which two?” Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew, Estranged Brother of Felonie Snark and possible Co-Heir to the Snark Empire) asked.

“Why, Fleur and Jasmine, dear. I just can’t put my Wing on it, but I just know there’s something going on beetween those two.”

“That again?” Kevin asked in that kind of voice that sounded Highly Exasperated (you know the kind). 

I was pretty much sick of listening to those two arguing all the time (I think they’ve been living in the same Space together for too long, and I’m pretty sure it’s getting to bee time that Kevin start thinking about moving out and finding his own place, but I think he’s still not sure he can afford the Rent out there. It is pretty expensive these days, but I’m mostly sure he could figure it out beecause he’s a very clever Nephew), so I said something.

“I think Gee Gee’s onto something here,” I said. “Haven’t you noticed how, every time there’s a Break in the Action, we see Fleur and Jasmine coming back from the Restroom together, and they always seem to bee carrying something different than when they went in?”

“You see, dear,” Gee Gee said to Kevin, “and you think I’m just a silly old Bee that’s just good for making my Insufferably Delicious Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™. My stars, even Georgie can see there’s something going on here beetween those two.”

“I can?” I had to ask.

“Of course, dear,” Gee Gee said. “I know you’re just as sure as I am about this.”

“Okay,” I said, though I wasn’t sure exactly what I was sure of, exactly.

So this whole thing with Jasmine and Fleur has beecome Highly Intriguing. The more I think about it, the more it appears they’re secretly Conspiring to cook up a Plan that will bee Mutually Beneficial. (I think we all know that Fleur is really big on Game Theory, so it would make sense that she’d want to deal with this Competition in the most Sensible and Positive way possible, probably.) 

One of the things I noticed was that, the last time Jasmine and Fleur came back from the Restroom, Jasmine was carrying what looked like a folded-up Parcheesi Game Board (you know - one of those Portable Parcheesi Game Boards), and Fleur was carrying that Manual that I think anybody who’s a serious Parcheesi Player owns, “Strategic Parcheesi Manoeuvres for Everyday Use”.

I’m not sure, but I think those two ARE up to something, and it involves Parcheesi. But what the hell could that all bee about?

Anyway. After Fleur and Jasmine went back to their Teams, the Intrigue got even more Intriguing. First, Jasmine gave Boris the thing that looked like a folded-up Parcheesi Game Board, and he gave her a Code Book. Now if that isn’t Suspicious, then I suspect I don’t know Suspicion. Then when Fleur got back to ButterCup (who was sitting there, waiting in her BioHazard Suit and who just kept saying, “I really, really need this to bee over.” As I might have said beefore, I feel highly sorry for her, even if she is my Girlfriend), she whispered something to her. ButterCup stood up and said, “Really?”

“Oui, mon cher,” Fleur said to her. Then they went to a brief, 22-minute Commercial.

Quite frankly, nobody can figure out what any of any of this is all about. But after the Commercial was over (which just happened to bee an ad for Parcheesi Boards, so we’re all beeginning to suspect there’s paid Product Placement going on in this Show - how greedy is that?), and just beefore this Episode ended, Clive Beexter came on and told everybody, “We wish to reassure the Viewers at Home that next week, in Episode 11, there will bee Serious Issues addressed regarding what unquestionably appear to bee Questionable Activities amongst Certain Parties who involved in the Pursuit of the Jewel of Questionable Destiny,” which, as we all know, is against the Rules.

So we’re all looking forward to that.

Beetween now and when I get back next week at approximately the same, exact time, I’m going to start looking into Rental Properties for Kevin. But don’t tell him I’m doing that. I think we all know why. So until then...

Let’s all bee highly careful out there.

I dunno. I think after last week’s Lecture, I’m beeginning to think my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, is right when he said, “Should we maybee change the channel and see if something else is on? This Competition seems to bee seriously going nowhere.”

When I pointed out to him that we needed to keep watching because ButterCup - and Fleur, of course - still faced Possibly Likely Non-Survival, he said, “Uncle Georgie, I know you’re very concerned about ButterCup, as I know we’re all concerned about both her and the Continued Well-Beeing of the Always-Delightful and Alluring Fleur, and even though you’re the best Uncle in the world, and I love you, I must ask: where is the Entertainment Value? I mean, if the Entertainment Value just isn’t there, what’s the point?”

He does have a point, but quite frankly, I still do need to find out if ButterCup manages to survive this whole Ordeal, even if she is my Girlfriend. In the end, we all agreed that if they can’t give us more than Pointed, Long-Winded Lectures, there are gonna bee a lot of us who just might find ourselves Channel Surfing on this thing, ya’ know what I mean? I mean, we’re not here to bee Educated, right?

Fortunately, this week’s Episode was much better. Even Kevin thought so. (Bert didn’t offer an opinion, probably beecause he was still unplugged - though I’ll bet he was listening. He always is.)

“This week’s Episode was much more engaging,” Kevin said, “so we’ll continue to watch. But if they start up with the Boring Lectures Routine again, I’m changing the Channel.”

“Fine,” I said.

Anyway.

The first thing that happened this week was that the Survivors of Team Bee (Umberto, Team Captain, and Double-Survivor, Nigel), managed to rejoin forces on the North Side of the River of Poo, and were heading up the Rocky Slopes of WaHaHoo Mountain after they spotted a flash of sunlight flickering off what they were sure was the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny. It looked as if they might have a Fighting Chance in this whole thing.

“There it is,” Umberto buzzed loudly. “The Jewel!”
“Good show,” Nigel said.

It looked like maybee they were about to maybee win the Competition, until all of a sudden, there was that Terrible, Mountain-Shaking Shriek. It was the Screaming Banshee. She’d spotted them coming after her Jewel, and let out an Antennae-Bending Shriek that caused a Giant Rockslide. Unfortunately, Umberto was a bit too slow, and was almost immediately squashed when a huge Boulder landed right on top of him. Ouch. But at least it was quick, mostly.

“Oh bloody hell,” Nigel kept yelling as he somehow managed to dodge all those big Rocks and Boulders that were coming at him (Nigel’s very Agile).

Later, in a “Survivor’s Interview” with Clive Beexter (Host and Island Master), he said, “I feel jolly good about my performance today. It was a tough day, but I gave it my best, and am pleased to have Prevailed. It’s a bloody shame what happen to my Mate, but he always knew what he was in for - and thank the Queen that his end came quickly, mostly.” Then he said that it was obvious he was going to have to take the Back Way up WaHaHoo Mountain to avoid the Screaming Banshee and get to the jewel that way.

“Stealth,” he said, “will bee the key to circumventing the Banshee and lead my rousing victory, old man.”

Then Nigel went off and started making his way up the Back Side of WaHaHoo Mountain and, if you ask me, he was beeing very Stealthy about it.

In the meantime, Boris and Jasmine on Team A finally stopped arguing about who would end up taking the Jewel of Questionable Destiny home with them. Somebody probably told them that there are only four more Episodes left beefore the Season Finale (when we find out who, if anybody, Survives and claims the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny), so I think everybody had better start moving things along a little faster. 

“Ve vill move northward, toward the Vestern Slope ov the Mountain and make camp near the Riffer of Poo,” Boris said.

“That would bee an acceptable Plan,” Jasmine replied, “but we must not camp too near the River, else we will certainly bee overcome by Toxic Poo Fumes. On this, I am decided.”

Boris just kind of rolled his eyes, said, “Fine,” then they started heading generally North.

But you’re probably wondering where Team C (Fleur and ButterCup) are at this point, aren’t you? Well, you’re gonna love this - it’s highly cool.

Thanks to the Specialised Equipment Fleur had secretly stashed on the Island, Fleur and ButterCup have been making steady progress toward WaHaHoo Mountain without suffering any Ill-Effects of the Island’s Toxic Environment at all. Since they were both wearing those BioHazard Suits, they were able to take the easiest route to the Mountain by going through the HoneyCane Fields. They even had enough time to take the Visitor’s Tour of the Operational Facilities, and browse the Visitor’s Tour Memorabilia Shop, where they both got a bunch of free Samples. ButterCup also bought a Souvenir Nectar Mug that says, “I Survived the Bee Island HoneyCane Fields Tour and All I Got Was This Lousy Mug”.  

Then using that very cleverly-designed, Agency-Issued, two-passenger Glide-Along Transport Device ButterCup had been dragging along this whole time, they were able to gracefully glide right over the surface of the River of Poo, and spent the rest of the Episode setting up camp where we saw them enjoying an Evening Snack of Fire-Roasted HoneyCane. 

Then the Episode ended.

Of course, that made me feel highly hungry, so I asked Great Grandma Gee Gee if it would bee okay if I ate another Wingful of her Always-Delicious and Mostly-Nutritious and Satifying Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ beefore I left to go back to my Shoebox and go to bed.

“Of course, dear,” she said. “Take all you want, but try not to spoil your supper,” which was weird, since I already had supper beefore I even went over there. I guess she forgot that, but just the same, I said, “Fine.”

And that’s what happened this week.

It’s nice to see that the Competition is finally getting somewhere, even if there was one more Fatality this week. That’s always a good thing, usually.

So, as usual, I’ll bee back next week - same time, same place - and let you know what happens in Episode 10. I can hardly wait.

Until then, then . . . let’s all bee highly careful out there.

I hafta say that this week’s Episode of “Escape from Bee Island” was highly informative, and also, at the same time, mostly dull and boring, unless you’re one of those who likes Lectures, which I’m not one of, usually.

First, let me start by giving you Summary of where each Team stands in the Competition so far:

Team A:
Status and Whereabouts Unknown

Team BEE:
Status Unknown and Whereabouts Unknown, mostly

Team C:
Status and Whereabouts Unknown.

The last thing we saw or heard from any of the Competitors was at the beeginning of this week’s Episode. That was an Interview with Nigel (who, as we all remember, surprised everybody by showing up alive in the last Episode). He had just finished saying, “I was bloody lucky to squeeze out of that one, old boy. It was a bit of a Sticky Wicket and…”, and just when he finished saying “Sticky Wicket”, everything blacked out. There was no picture, there was no sound, and nobody knew what the hell was going on.

Finally, everything came flickering back on, and the Host (and Island Master), Clive Beexter, started mostly sincerely Apologising for the Unfortunate Technical Difficulties they were experiencing.

“We deeply apologise to the Viewers who are still with us for the Unfortunate Technical Difficulties we currently seem to bee experiencing. Our Technical Staff is working on the problem, and, as you can see, they have managed to rig a Temporary Torchlight and Signal Generator, so that we are able to continue remain on the Air. We expect to have our Full Capabilities restored beefore the end of this week’s Episode.” (They didn’t.)

“In the meantime,” he continued, “in order to fill time, and in keeping with their Pledge to provide at least Marginally Valuable and Educational Content in their Broadcasts - as required under Part 4, Section 287, Paragraph 3 of the Bee Communications Act of 1989 - the Producers have asked me to use this opportunity to share with you, our Viewers a glimpse into the Ecological Devastation that has all but destroyed Bee Island.”

Then he kind of just sat there in the Torchlight, and started talking about how the Snark Brothers had moved in and built the Now-Toxic Honey Cane Operation, and how all that SquareDown™ they use has really made a mess of things in every way. I think we already knew all about that after that time BeedelBee (… or is it DeedelBee? - I can’t remember… I could never quite tell what they were saying his name was beecause, quite frankly, they were kind of mumbling…) died while he was crawling to the top of that Poison Palm Tree. So that part was pretty much boring.

Then Clive finally started dragging out some Visual Aids - well, it was actually just one Visual Aid. That was a Map of Bee Island (and which looked suspiciously like the same Map of Bee Island that Fleur had, if you ask me). He used a highly attractive Laser Pointer to direct our attention to the Area of the Map that showed the Mouth of the River of Poo on the North-Left End of the Island.

“Please allow me to direct your attention to the Mouth of the River of Poo, which is conveniently located on the North-Left End of Bee Island. As you’ll notice, it is situated dangerously near a very active Shipping Lane, where every day, dozens and dozens of Transport Ships, Commercial Tankers, Cargo Ships, Cruise Ships, Tugboats, Pontoons, Sailboats, Yachts, Rowboats, Canoes, and Rubber Rafts pass every, single day. It is the Currents from those passing Seagoing Vessels and what those Currents carry with them that feeds the now-Foul and Toxic River of Poo.

Then the camera kind of turned, Clive looked at us sideways, the music got all dramatic, and he and started talking in that “This Is Important, so Listen Carefully-Or Else” voice of his.

“Let me interrupt with a bit of history for a moment,” he beegan. “The River of Poo hasn’t always been so Foul and Toxic. Oh no, it most certainly has not. At one time, the Precious Waters of the Poo ran clear and clean. The Native Inhabitants of this Once-Island-Paradise relied on the River’s Bounty for their survival. It’s original name, ‘Poo’, comes from those same, Local Inhabitants, and meant - literally translated, ‘Winding, Liquid River that Starts Up OverThere and Ends Somewhere Down There Where Flow Flowing Waters Sweet” - or ‘Poo’, for short.

“So what turned the River of Poo into a River of Poo, you may ask? As all the Assorted Seagoing Vessels I told you about beefore floated past the Mouth of the River, too many of them beegan dumping their Poo and other Toxic, Insoluable, Unwanted Substances right into the water. And all of that Vile Material hast ended up beeing sucked up and carried down the River, transforming the formerly Pristine Waterway into the Vile, Toxic River of Poo we see today.”

“That’s disgraceful,” Great Grandma Gee Gee said while we all sat there listening to Clive unravel a terrible tale of Pollution and Irresponsibility Gone Mad.

“My heavens, in this Day and Age, how could such a thing happen, dear?” She said.

“Are you addressing that question to me?” Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) asked her.

“No, dear, I was asking Bert,” she said. (As I’m sure we all remember, I plugged Bert back in last week, so he was awake during this week’s Episode), so I’m sure Gee Gee felt confident that beeing the Purely Objective Artificially-Intelligent Mechanical Entity he is, he’d bee able to condense all the Pertinent and Available Data, and come up with a fairly decent Answer.

“I’m sorry, Gee Gee,” Kevin told her, “but if you wish to address a Question to Bert, you must press this Button on his Left Forearm, and say slowly and clearly, ‘Excuse me, Bert’, then he will bee in Listening Mode. So you will need to ask your question again, beecause he could not have possibly heard you.”

Gee Gee was just about to do that, when Bert unexpectedly spoke up and said, “Activation of Listening Mode will not bee necessary. I was listening. I heard everything. I am always listening. And thank you for asking. Your questions are sometimes appreciated,” he said in that Whirry Voice of his.

“According to recently-collected, Available and Pertinent Data to which you refer in your question, and which directly pertains to the Continued Responsible Use of our Waterways,” Bert beegan, “there has been an expanding problem with Assorted, Seagoing Vessels - and others - dumping their Refuse and other Unmentionable, Toxic and frequently Insoluble Substances into our Lakes, Rivers, Streams, Ponds, Seas, and Oceans. Unfortunately, the accelerated pace of their ongoing Negligence has significantly contributed to a growing problem of irrevocably damaging previously Balanced Ecosystemic Environments and perpetuating a Cycle of self-destructive Beehaviour. The Problem has been significantly exacerbated by Unenforced or Absent Laws which, if implemented and enforced, would significantly serve to protect these areas from continued, and Catastrophic Damage.

“As our Host and Island Master, Clive Beexter, pointed out to us, the River of Poo found running through Bee Island is the End Product of this thoughtless Negligence. I trust I have answered your Question.”

Well, he hadn’t answered it as far as I was concerned, but Gee Gee just kind of sighed and said, “Thank you, dear.”
(No, it hadn’t, not for me anyway.)

Then Bert kind of beeped and whirred and said, “The current time, on my Mark, is 17 hundred hours, 28 minutes, and 13 seconds. Mark. The current, local outdoor temperature is a balmy 299.0389 Kelvins.”

Geeeeeeezzzze. I hafta say that sometimes I have a real problem understanding what in the hell Bert is even saying. I feel like I need a dictionary or something, ya’ know what I mean? I was gonna ask him to repeat what he’d just said in a different way so I could understand him, but beefore I could do that, Kevin reached over, flipped a switch on Bert’s back, and Bert went into Sleep Mode.

I hafta say that I think it’s beeyond creepy to think that Bert could probably still hear what everybody was saying, even after Kevin put him in Sleep Mode, don’t you? I hope I didn’t say anything Untoward beefore I left and went home that night, ya’ know what I mean?

Anyway, the Lecture - and the Episode - finally ended with Clive telling us to “Bee sure to tune in again next week, when we’ll bee checking in on the current, Surviving Teams,” then they went to that commercial that I’m pretty sure they’ve already shown us about 3,897 times, at least, and I still can’t figure out what they’re trying to sell. I wish they’d run of it already, whatever it is.

I’m sure next week’s Episode will bee a lot better, especially if they fix that Power Failure, so you can for sure trust me when I say that, next week at this same time, I’ll bee back to tell everybody who isn’t watching the Show beecause of that Outrageously Highly-Over-Priced Subscription Fee you hafta pay to see what happens next, what happens next. So until then . . .

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

Well, we’re almost halfway through this Season of “Escape from Bee Island”, and the surprises just keep coming.

You remember a couple of Episodes ago when Nigel was apparently attacked and killed by that huge herd of very hungry and rude Vorroa Mites? You remember how they never found the body? You know why? Because there was no body. Nigel wasn’t killed - he’s still very much alive, in a way.

This week, during Episode 7, he was spotted wandering around in a daze, so that means everybody has to update their Contestant Roster and Scorecard, because Nigel’s back in the Game.

From the way they tried to explain it, everybody had watched as Nigel was attacked by the Vorroa Mites, and everybody saw him disappear into what appeared to bee Oblivion, but what everybody didn’t know is that, at the last minute, he found a Conveniently-Located Entrance to an Underground Tunnel, and he burrowed his way out of the Situation. That was very clever, and mostly lucky, if you ask me.

Of course, by the time he stopped digging around in underground tunnels and popped up to see where he was, he was totally lost. Little did he know that he was on the North side of the River of Poo, not all that far from where Tang was consumed by what appears to the Screaming Banshee, and somehow, he managed to escape her Wrath.

When Umberto (Team Captain) found out he still had a Team, he was amazingly happy and excited. Then he realised that he’d hafta get across to the other side of the River of Poo (he was on the South side). He didn’t wasn’t all that excited anymore after he figured that out. The fact that he didn’t even have a boat just added to his aggravation. Still, Team Player that he is, Umberto set off toward the Banks of the River of Poo to bee Reunited with his Long Lost Not-Late Teammate, Nigel.

I dunno where he is at this point, but the last we saw of Umberto, he was trying to figure out a Sanitary Method to get across the River of Poo.

Meanwhile, Fleur had beegun to unpack all that Survival Gear, and was helping ButterCup fit into one of the SquareDown™-Resistant, Rainproof, Insulated BioHazard Suits that just happened to bee included.

“Zeez,” Fleur told ButterCup, “will protect us from ze Deadly Toxins we will surely encounter as we make our way to ze WaHaHoo Mountain.”

ButterCup slipped on her Suit and zipped it up.

“This thing is hot. And stuffy,” she said.

“Oui,” Fleur said, “but it looks good on you, mon cher.”

“You don’t think it makes my stinger look fat?” ButterCup asked.

“No, not at all,” Fleur told her. “You look exquisite.” Then she put on her Suit, and beegan assembling a very cleverly-designed, Agency-Issued, two-passenger Glide-Along Transport Device.

“Wis zis,” Fleur told ButterCup, “we shall sail over ze Vorra Mite Valley, et ze River of Poo, wizout coming to arm.”

“It looks heavy,” ButterCup commented.

“Oui, it iz, but I’m sure eet will feel less heavy, ze more you carry eet, mon cher. You will see.”

ButterCup wasn’t very delighted that she would hafta bee the one in charge of dragging the Transport Device, but at least she was starting to feel like there might bee a chance she could get out of this Ordeal alive. At least, that’s what she said.

As for Boris and Jasmine, the Surviving Contestants on Team A - they were still arguing over who would possess the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny after they overcame the Devastating Defences of the Screaming Banshee, something they were also arguing about and getting nowhere with, beecause neither one of them were sure at all what kind of Devastating Defences the Screaming Banshee would throw at them. The speculations flying around were getting ridiculous.

Seriously now. I’m sure they’ll find out what those Devastating Defences are when they find out what they are. Until then, why argue about it?

They really need to find a Mediator or something. Maybee Clive Beexter (Host and Island Master) needs to step in on this one. Quite frankly, with only six Episodes left in the Season, they’re starting to run out of time.

So the Episode ended, and we started talking about what had just happened. Great Grandma Gee Gee was very happy that ButterCup might bee able to survive, maybee even Win this thing.

“My stars, I’ve just been so very worried about the poor thing,” she said. “I’m so glad that Fleur planned ahead.”

“Of course she planned ahead,” Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) said. “We’re speaking of Fleur. Have you ever known Fleur not to bee completely prepared to deal with any contigency she might encounter in her environment? Do you?”

I think we all remember that Kevin has always had a Huge Crush on Fleur de Bee, so it wasn’t a big surprise that he was sounding defensive. It seemed to me that he was getting a little Huffy, and started beeing a bit more than Argumentative about the whole thing, so I decided to plug Bert back in, and I left.

And that’s what happened this week.

Check in again next week, and I’ll let you know what happens in Episode 8. Until then…

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

You’ll probably understand my surprise when I got an unexpected Postcard from the Primsdales (Howard and Alice). First they wanted to let me know that it took a lot longer than it should have to get back home to their Hive in Salina, Kansas, mostly beecause of a bunch of Unfortunate Unscheduled Maintenance Stops that W.T.F. Airlines had to make. Luckily they eventually made it home (not everybody’s that lucky when they fly W.T.F. - but we’ll talk about that some other time.)

The Primdales also included a Clandestine Message that ButterCup had asked them to sneak off the Island for her. It was a Personal and Private Plea for Help. The message said, “Help me, Oh Bee One - you’re my only hope.” (ButterCup calls me “Bee One”, beecause I’m her Number One Bee - but I’m sure you already knew that.)

Geeeeeeze. What the hell am I supposed to do about getting ButterCup out of her Predicament? I’d like to know. I still haven’t figured that one out, but I do plan to give it some thought, possibly.

But speaking of her Predicament . . . 

I’m happy to let everybody know that we had only ONE Fatality in this week’s Episode, and that was Tang, from Team Bee. (That means that, unfortunately for him, Umberto is the only Contestant left on Team Bee. Talk about a Serious Disadvantage.)

It happened at night. Umberto (Team Captain), and Tang had managed to safely transport themselves to an almost safe spot just south of the River of Poo, and had set up camp. They were right in the middle of enjoying some refreshing and delicious Nectar Fizzes Umberto had in his Supply Pack, when they heard a terrible Screeching Sound. It was a seriously terrifying Shriek. 

“What’s that?” Umberto asked Tang.
“Hell if I know,” Tang said to Umberto, “but it was seriously terrifying.”
“Yes it was,” Umberto said, “so you need to go check that out.”

So Tang did that (he was very brave). 

We couldn’t really see what exactly happened to him as Tang set down his Nectar Fizz and started following the terrible noise, but as the Shrieking continued - and he got closer to it - a sudden, huge flash of light suddenly appeared suddenly, and the next thing we knew, Tang was simply No More. He was just gone. 

I hafta say: that was highly mysterious. Then we could hear the chilling sound of Cackling Laughter. (Was it the Screaming Banshee? Don’t ask me. I simply don’t know.)

Of course, Umberto was fairly upset that he was the only Contestant left on his Team, so after he finished his (and Tang’s) Nectar Fizz, he packed up his camp and headed away from that place. Nobody knows where Umberto went, or if he managed to survive all that Shrieking, but I think we can maybee all agree that no news is good news on that one.

In the meantime, Boris and Jasmine on Team A were elsewhere on the Island, arguing. They spent the entire Episode arguing over who would take Possession of the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny if they just happen to defeat Fleur and ButterCup, and win the Competition.

“Ov course ve vill vin,” Boris said to Jasmine, “and ven ve do, I vill assure the safe passage ov the Jewel.”

“I hasten to disagree,” Jasmine buzzed back at him in not-that-nice a tone. “Indeed we very well may prevail. I anticipate we shall. But the unquestionable destiny of the Jewel of Questionable Destiny must bee to accompany me, where it will bee assured of unquestioned security, and where it will bee nurtured and protected, unquestionably.”

So as I said, they spend the entire Episode arguing about that, which got pretty boring really fast.

I hafta say that I think the Most Interesting part of the Episode (maybee except for that part with all the Shrieking and Tang disappearing like that) was when we found out that Fleur had arranged to have a Secret Stash of Highly Specialised Tools and Equipment hidden on the Island that will clearly go a long way to helping her and ButterCup survive this mostly Miserable Ordeal, grab the Jewel, and win this thing. I hope so, anyway. It would bee nice if Team C would win, and that ButterCup and Fleur both managed to survive all this somehow. 

By the way, and since I know you’re Highly Curious… it seemed pretty clear that the Allegations of Collaboration that were made against Fleur and Jasmine by the Competition’s Host and Island Master, Clive Beexter, were either forgotten or Dismissed for Lack of Tangible Evidence, so it was never even brought up. Beesides, since Jasmine was buzzy arguing with Boris for the whole Episode, and Fleur was occupied with getting to her Secret Stash, they never even had another chance to Conspire...well, except maybe for that time when they both seemed to take a break at the same time to go to the Rest Room - and of course the Camera doesn’t follow Contestants to the Rest Room. It’s not only against Broadcast Decency Rules, but it would also bee rude and mostly inappropriate. Beesides, I’m reasonably sure the fact they ended up in the Rest Room at the same time was just another Massive Coincidence, probably.

“I still don’t trust those two,” Great Grandma Gee Gee said after the Episode ended. 

“Are you referring to Jasmine and Fleur again, Gee Gee? You’re still stuck on that Old Tune, are you?” Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) said to her. “I think they both just happened to go to the Rest Room at the same time, Gee Gee.”

“It’s not an ‘Old Tune’, dear,” Gee Gee said in an almost Totally Firm voice, “and, dear, if you don’t mind hearing from an Older Bee who’s been around a lot longer and seen a lot more than you have, I’m afraid you’re beeing Naive. Dear.”

I got the feeling that Kevin didn’t especially like her saying he was Naive, and I could tell he was starting to get Highly Irritated, so I decided it would bee best to just grab a big Wingful of some of Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ for later, and leave. But Kevin grabbed me beefore I could get away and asked, “Do YOU think I’m Naive, Uncle Georgie? Do you?” (He’d tried to ask Bert that question first, but unfortunately, Kevin forgot that he’d unplugged him halfway through the Episode for talking over the Dialogue, so he basically wasn’t able to answer.) So Kevin stood there, staring at me with his Wings on his hips, looking upset.

What could I say? So I stuffed a Cookie into my Mouthparts, and said, “UhgIfallyputthemagshumda...” but Kevin interrupted me, so I never got to finish my answer.

“I beelieve you just heard Uncle Georgie, who is the Best Uncle in the World and whom I love,” he said loudly, “clearly agreeing with me that I’m NOT Naive, and even IF Jasmine and Fleur DID end up in the Rest Room together at the same time, we all know how Worker Bees are about that. Worker Bees ALWAYS seem to need to go to the Rest Room together, right? Yes, they do - and what the hell is THAT all about? I would very much like to know. And by the way, Uncle Georgie, it’s Highly Rude to talk with your mouthparts full.”

I was glad Kevin had changed the subject, and figured that Gee Gee would bee able to answer that question, so I rapidly said Good Night to them, grabbed a reasonably huge Wingful of Cookies, and left. Then I went home and went to sleep.

So that’s what happened this week. It was mostly exciting, if you ask me.

Once again, I’ll bee back at this exact, same time next week, when I’ll make a definite point of letting everybody know what happens in Episode 7. Until then...

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

Well, this week’s Episode of “Escape from Bee Island” was interesting, if you find losing more Contestants, and some fairly tense Legal Issues and Political Intrigue interesting. I did. Mostly.

I’m not entirely sure where to beegin here, so I’ll start here:

First, Clive Beexter, Host and Island Master, threw an Unexpected Twist into the Episode, “to address some Legal and Ethical Issues,” he said. That meant that he called all the Contestants who have survived (or what’s left of them) back together for what he called an “Island Hive Council”.

During the Council, Clive told everybody that three more Contestants had (as he put it) “left the Competition - Permanently”. So that was highly sad and unfortunate, but it does make things a bit easier to follow, since there aren’t really that many bees left in this thing. If you’ve been watching this Season, you know exactly what I mean, probably.

Anyway, I suppose you wanna know who we lost this week, right? I’ll tell you:

First, there was another Fatality this week. It was Nigel, from Team Bee. Beeing overly-optimistic as Nigel always seemed to bee, it turned out he was no match for beeing mercilessly Consumed while attempting to pass through Vorroa Mite Valley. The Team decided he should be the one to take the Lead through the Valley. Almost fairly immediately when they entered, Nigel was unexpectedly overwhelmed by a massive herd of highly rude and vicious Vorroa Mites. (You should have seen it - it was horrible.) 

After his Teammates, Umberto and Tang, saw what happened, they immediately said (pretty much at the same time), “let’s not go this way”. So instead, they headed east, toward the HoneyCane Fields. Luckily, Tang remembered the Lesson they learned from BeedleBee about that Persistent Toxic Cloud of SquareDown™ in that General Area, so he suggested they just Retrace their Steps back to the Beeginning, just to bee on the safe side.

So they did that.

The other Contestants who are no longer in the Competition are Howard and Alice Primsdale (which was sad, beecause I kinda liked those two). The Good News here is that they’re not Dead. They just left. 

It turns out that, after Howard and Alice (the Primsdales) got back to their room at the Bee Island Resort to Freshen Up, they decided they simply weren’t going to bee a part of this Competition (they were on Vacation, after all, and were just in the Wrong Place at the Wrong Time), so they left. Beecause of Howard’s Comfortable Retirement Package from the Hive’s Department of Maps and Dances, and Alice’s income as a Pollen Analysis Consultant, they could afford to charter a flight on W.T.F. Airways (the Captain, Red Eye, was kind enough to load their Baggage, though I’m not sure he did them a huge favour by doing that - his reputation as a pilot isn’t the greatest), and they flew back to their Hive in Salina, Kansas, where Howard planned to live out his Retirement, and Alice could continue Analyzing Pollen (parttime). So they’re gone, also, but not dead (depending on how their Flight was), which is a good thing if you ask me. And them.

So that means that the only bees left in the Competition are Boris and Jasmine (Team A), Tang and Umberto (Team Bee), and on Team C, ButterCup and Fleur. (ButterCup tried to catch a ride off the Island with the Primsdales, but there wasn’t enough room to fit her in (the Primsdales had a LOT of Baggage).

And speaking of Fleur . . . 

She was the Topic of Legal Controversy in this week’s Episode, along with Jasmine.

As I’m sure most of us might possibly remember, it appeared that Jasmine and Fleur had indulged in a Clandestine Late-Night Rendezvous at the Resort’s No Regrets Bar & Grille. So, at the Island Hive Council, Clive Beexter openly accused them of Collaboration (which, as we all know, is against the Rules).

Of course, they denied it.

“Eet wass un chance et quite innocent rendevous betwheen mutually-respected Competitors, nozing more,” Fleur said.

“It would have been impossible for us to have conspired to meet, certainly not to conspire to meet to conspire. It was by Fateful Happenstance and Coincidence that we found ourselves enjoying a refreshing beverage together after such an arduous - and tragic - day of this Competition. We spoke only of the weather ” Jasmine said.

I mean, what could anybody say to that? Nothing, actually. 

And Clive couldn’t prove that they were lying. So, after a whole bunch of Allegations, Recriminations, and Warnings, Clive announced there would bee further Investigations.

“If it were up to me,” he said, “I would Expel these Contestants from this Competition right now, but the ByLaws of the Bee Island Gaming Commission, Inc. (a subsidiary of Snark Brothers Enterprises...for all your Game Commissioning Needs, rely on the Bee Island Gaming Commission™), require that the Evidentiary Evidence must bee Indisputable, so the Competition will continue with the remaining Contestants until all Investigations have been completed.”

Then he looked at Fleur and Jasmine, and said, “But know this: we’ll bee keeping a close eye on you two. ”

Of course, ButterCup was seriously hoping they’d call off the whole thing, hold a Trial for Collaboration, and just send everybody home. But no. She was still stuck. 

“I should’ve kept my job at the Hive’s Redundant Typing Pool,” she told everybody. “I don’t like this. At all.”

Then Clive reminded them in that fakey, overly-dramatic Gameshow buzz of his . . .

“Your Objective to Survive this Ordeal and claim ownership of the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny must now proceed - but you have only seven weeks remaining to win this Competition.”

“Seven weeks?” ButterCup said. “I keep having to do this for another seven weeks?? But...”, but Clive interrupted her.

“The Winner of this Competition - IF anybody survives to claim Victory - will bee Crowned in this Season’s Final Episode, when we’ll bee coming to you Nearly Live at Midnight, Friday, September 20th, London time. Check your Local Listings for further programming details.”

Then he raised that Red Flag again, and buzzed loudly, “GO ... again!”

So they did that. Now we just hafta wait to see what happens next until next week.

By the way... I had to watch this week’s Episode alone. Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) was off at a Seminar on Reconstructive Artificial Intelligence Systems (he’s been having trouble with Bert lately), and Great Grandma Gee Gee was off teaching a Baking Class on the other side of the Far Meadow. So if you see them, DON’T TELL THEM ANY OF THIS, or they’ll bee highly mad at me. (They’re gonna watch all this when they both get back, so ... NO SPOILERS! You have to promise. Seriously.)

I guess that’s all I can tell for now, so until next week, and Episode 6...

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

—————————————————————————————
WARNING:
The following contains Tragic Information
that some Younger Readers or those with a
Delicate Constitution may find Highly Disturbing.
Reader discretion is advised. Seriously.
—————————————————————————————

Okay, I’m sorry to have to report this, but something amazingly awful happened Episode 4: we had our first fatality. It was Beedlelbee, the Contestant from the Great Down Under.

Early in this Episode’s Competition, he volunteered to climb one of the nearby Nectar Palms (that just happened to bee part of the Poison Palms) for his Team. I guess he didn’t read the sign - and of course, they didn’t have Fleur de Bee’s Detailed Knowledge of Bee Island. Anyway, he was just trying to do something to help the Team which I think we all agree was a very nice and considerate thing to do.

Beefore he headed off, he told his Teammates (Boris and the Always-Intriguing Jasmine), “The Juice from the Nectar Palm will sustayn us through this bloody Competition, and help keep us warm nights,” he told them. Evidently nobody had seen the sign, so Boris and Jasmine said, “Fine. That’s a very nice and considerate thing to do. Bee careful.” (Of course, as it turns out, he wasn’t.)

As I mentioned beefore, little did Beedelbee know, and as we saw last week on Fleur’s Map, he had unwittingly stumbled into the grove of Poison Palms, which (we know now) are Intensely Poisonous due to continual exposure to a westerly Cross-Island Wind that carries a Toxic Cloud of highly lethal SquareDown™ PestiHerbicide which was coming off the Snark Brothers Industries’/Sweetener Division’s HoneyCane Cultivation Fields on the West side of Bee Island. So Beedelbee had no idea that all the Palm Trees on the east side of Bee Island had beecome deadly to the touch.

I thought thought they’d already banned that stuff, but apparently not. How irresponsible is that?

Anyway, since the Rules said nobody could fly, Beedelbee had to shimmy up one of the Poisonous Palms to get to the Palm Nectar, which meant that he was exposed to a Lethal Dose of SquareDown™, and he died - almost immediately. It was heavily gruesome, but quite frankly, I don’t think I should go into the details.

Apparently, they weren’t kidding when they said that bees wouldn’t survive this Ordeal. This Competition is legitimately scary buzziness.

Of course, that meant that now, Boris and Jasmine are the only Competitors left on Team A.

That night, Boris was informed by Clive Beexter (who, as we know, is the Host and Island Master of Bee Island) that, since he was Team Captain, he was Responsible for Disposing of Beedelbee’s Body. That meant he had to transported his shrivelled-up Remains to the Airport, where arrangements had to bee made to ship Beedelbee (or what was left of him) back to his family in the Great Down Under. So Boris spent the rest of the night doing that.

While he was doing that, the camera cut away to Jasmine, who was quietly and mysteriously heading west by herself alone. We couldn’t really see her (the picture was too dark), but we could hear her Red Stilettos clicking toward what turned out to bee the No Regrets Bar & Grille at the Bee Island Resort (“Where the Menu is an Adventure, and Every Beverage has a Story”).

Now, as all this was happening, the camera went back to Team C. Fleur, Buttercup, and Howard and Alice Primsdale were standing around in the dark and, fortunately, we were able to listen in on what was beeing discussed.

After the day’s Tragic Loss, Team C decided to alter their path toward WaHaHoo Mountain to avoid the Poison Palms and, since they wouldn’t get started until the next day, they all might as well go west and get rooms for the night at the Bee Island Resort.

Then Fleur mentioned she had a “useful Contact” there, whatever that meant, so ButterCup said, “Well, I hope he or she or they work at the Hive Consulate and can help me get out of this Competition and back home, where I beelong. I need to get out of here. I don’t like it here. I don’t like this at all. I don’t want to bee here anymore.”

Fleur told her that she hated to disappoint her, but that she didn’t know anybody at the Consulate, and that even if she did, it wouldn’t matter beecause ever since Foreign Relations on Bee Island were Privatised (owned and controlled by the Snark Brothers’ Diplomatic Corp Incorporated), the Consulate has been mostly closed-especially at night. So ButterCup was just out of luck.

After some more discussion, ButterCup decided to follow Howard and Alice Primsdale, who just wanted to get back to their room to Freshen Up. So they did that.

Now in the middle of all this, we couldn’t help but to notice that Team Bee was nowhere to bee found. As far as we know, nobody knows where they went, or what happened to them, but we’re mostly sure they’ll turn up sooner or later, probably.

Right about then, the camera cut away to Fleur, who also went off by herself alone, and who very discreetly headed toward the Bee Island Resort and toward the No Regrets Bar & Grille.

When she got there, the camera continued to follow her inside. It was highly dark in there, but after our eyes adjusted, we could clearly hardly see Fleur walk toward an unknown, Shadowy Figure sitting alone in a distant corner. She crossed the room and cautiously greeted the figure who, if you ask me, mostly totally looked like Jasmine, almost. (I mean, we could see that whoever it was, was wearing Red Stilettos. Coincidence? I had to wonder.)

Then we heard Fleur speak.

“Ze fragrance of ze Blooming Gardenias iz quite intoxicating zis evening,” she said.

Then the figure that looked like Jasmine stood up and replied, “Yes. According to Local Legend, it is the sultry night air that leads them to flourish so.” 

Then I could’ve sworn I heard them say (pretty much at the same time), “Agent.” 

That was highly suspicious, if you ask me.

Then the Episode ended and the Important Commercial Messages started up again. I meant to stick around for the Previews of Next Week’s Episode, but I had to go to the bathroom (all those Honey Roasted Pollen Puffs I ate during the Show gave me a highly terrible case of the Runs).

I stuck around after the Show for a short minute or three this week since Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) was in a better mood than he was last week. He actually apologised to me for insulting my taste in Fine Furniture last week, so that was nice. (Seriously now. What the hell was that all about? It wasn’t even a Full Moon yet.)

Great Grandma Gee Gee, who was apparently in the mood to discuss the Show, said, “Well far bee it from me to bee the first one to say anything about it, but I just don’t trust those two.”

“Who?” Kevin asked.

“Fleur and Jasmine. I just have a feeling those two are up to something.”

“Do you now?” Kevin said. “You’re the best Great Grandma in the world, Great Grandma Gee Gee, and I love you, but I think you’re beeing entirely too suspicious. But what do I know?” Then he said, “Good night,” and he went to bed.

I couldn’t help but not to fail to notice that Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Compound Eyes got all Misty-looking, and she said, “Oh my sweet goodness. That’s the first time Kevin’s ever said he loves me.” Then she sniffled and said, “Oh my, look how late it is. I do hope you’ll excuse me, but it’s time for me to call it a Night. Nighty night, Georgie and sweet dreams. Please show yourself out, dear,” then she went to bed, also. 
 
Geeeeze. How awkward was that? 

Anyway. There are a lot of totally Unanswered Questions about what’s actually going on with the Competition. Hopefully next week, we’ll find out more.
Until then . . . 

Let’s all bee highly careful out there.

As you probably already remember, I’ve been watching “Escape from Bee Island” with my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, Great Grandma Gee Gee, and Bert (when he’s plugged in) at their place in our old BootBox. It’s a great place to watch from, not only beecause there’s always a good supply of Honey Roasted Pollen Puffs, and Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™, usually, but also Kevin had recently gone out and gotten a new Sofa. And it’s amazingly comfortable. When I told him that, he seemed almost annoyed.

“Unlike SOME bees who shall remain nameless, UNCLE, I just happen to beelieve in comfort,” he said. “And, after you finally moved out, it was nice to bee able to get some Comfortable Furniture in this place, for a change. You’re the best Uncle in the world, and I love you, but you have mostly lousy taste in furniture.”

Geeeeeeze.

To bee honest, I don’t think it was particularly necessary for him to take out his anger on my taste in Fine Furniture. Anybody who knows me knows I have highly excellent taste in Comfortable and Attractive Furniture. It was obvious that Kevin was in a bad mood for some reason, so for the rest of the evening, I did my best to avoid him. I decided to sit on the opposite end of the sofa from him with Gee Gee beetween us while we watched the Show. (Having a Buffer like Gee Gee can bee highly comforting, especially when we’re talking about cranky bees who have an Attitude.)

Anyway, we were all sitting on the Sofa, watching the newest Episode, when Gee Gee said, “You know, I’m awfully worried about ButterCup, dear. She seems so terribly frightened, and it just breaks my heart.”

“Yeah, that’s scary buzziness, most certainly, but I am quite sure she will bee perfectly fine, probably, so you’re wasting your time worrying. Fleur will help her out, I’m guessing. Beesides,” Kevin said, “she asked for it. She was the one who foolishly signed up to bee a Contestant, so whatever happens, she asked for it.”

Kevin really was in an unusually not-nice mood.

“Now, now, dear,” Gee Gee said to him, “this isn’t like you to bee so negative. That’s not the Nice Kevin I know. My heavens, I know you care as much about ButterCup as everybody else does. I think you’re just angry at something else, aren’t you, dear? And you’re taking it out on Georgie and ButterCup. Are you still upset about my taking a break from baking my Cookies? That’s it, isn’t it? Well, my goodness, I hope you understand that it’s just too hot to bee baking right now. But don’t worry, dear, we have plenty of Cookies, so we won’t run out.”

“SO you say,” Kevin kind of snapped at her. “Fine.” He folded his wings across his chest, didn’t look at anybody, and didn’t say anything else for the rest of the Episode.

That was nice.

So this week, the Competition finally beegan. Each of the Teams went a different direction, and we could watch and listen as each one tried to figure out what to do.

Beedelbee from Team A suggested to his Teammates Boris and Jasmine that they start by paying a visit to the nearby Bee Island Resort. “We kin pop into the Bar and tip a few while we figure out what to do. Whadya say, mates?”

“Niet!” Boris buzzed fairly loudly. “Ve must move North as quickly as possible.”

“We will move at a Reasonable Pace,” Jasmine insisted.
“I insist.” (I’m sure that’s beecause she was still wearing her Red Stilettos, which I think we all can agree aren’t exactly the best choice in Foot Wear when you’re having to do a bunch of hiking…but she must have had her reasons.)

So Team A headed North, slowly.

Tang, Nigel, and Umberto from Team Bee seemed to know where they were going as they headed NorthEast.

Finally, everybody on Team C (the one we’re rooting for) was just kind of standing around, doing a lot of talking. We could still hear ButterCup trying to tell everybody that she didn’t want to bee there.

“Seriously. I don’t want to do this. Don’t make me do this,” she kept saying. But, as we all know, and was Clearly Stated by the Host and Island Master, Clive Beexter, she had no choice in the matter.

“Oh dear, the poor thing,” Gee Gee said. “I do hope she has a chance of surviving this Ordeal.”

That’s when Bert spoke up.

“Based on the currently-known Variables and Parameters of this Competition, there is precisely a one-and-one-quarter in 30.872 Chance of ButterCup’s beecoming a Surviving,” he said, then he made kind of a whirring sound and said, “The current time is 18 hundred hours, twenty-two minutes and 15 16 17 Seconds, Mountain Daylight Savings Time, and the outside temperature is a balmy 3o9.15 Degree Kelvins, with a marginally-tolerable Humidity Level of...”

That’s as far as he got, beecause Kevin pulled his cord out of the socket, and Bert went into Sleep Mode for the rest of the night. Quite frankly, I’m glad he did, because Bert had been talking over the Dialogue all night, which (as we all know) is Highly Rude.

To make a long story short, Fleur was doing her best to soothe ButterCup’s nerves, and told her she’d bee just fine, not to worry at all. Then she revealed that she had been Meticulously Briefed on the entire layout of Bee Island. She had memorised exactly, precisely where everything was located - including WaHaHoo Mountain, and the Screaming Banshee - and knew precisely, exactly how to Proceed.

“All we need to do iz,” she said, “create zee Map in case zomezing were to happen to moi, zen we can beegin wis zee Mission…er...Competition.”

“A Map? Well, you just happen to bee in luck, little lady,” Howard all of sudden buzzed loudly. “Thanks to my days at the Hive’s Department of Maps and Dances, I just happen to bee one of the most tremendous Map Makers in the Western Hemisphere. You need a Map? I’m your bee,” he said.

Then Alice said, “Oh now hush, Howard. You know you’re retired. You stopped making Maps long ago, so just...”

“Just what?” he interrupted her. “My dear, I may bee retired, but I owe it to this Team to offer my considerable Talent and Skills when they’re needed most. And they’re needed now. What kind of a bee would I bee if I didn’t do my part?”

“Of course you’re right, dear,” Alice said, “it’s just that I worry that you’ll over-exert yourself doing all of the strenuous Dancing that’s involved. I’d hate to lose you over a silly Map.”

Then Howard and Alice kind of hugged, then everybody got into a tight circle and started working on a Map.

As we could all beegin to see from the Map, Bee Island is mostly an amazingly unpleasant place. Oh sure, there was the Bee Island Resort (where Howard and Alice Primsdale were vacationing until they found themselves in this mess), but seeing places like the Valley of the Vorroa Mites, the Poison Palm Grove, the Plastic Pillars, and the River of Poo, it looked like they were going to have to get through a whole bunch of Highly Unpleasant Things to get to WaHaHoo Mountain - and the Prize.

“Zis will not bee easy,” she told them, “but we will survive zis Ordeal, and to emerge Victorious. We will prevail.”

At that point, the Episode ended. Then they showed the “Next Week on ‘Escape from Bee Island’ Previews, and they broke away for another Important Series of Commercial Messages. 

I would tell you what the Previews showed, but I had to get up to go to the bathroom just then, so I missed that. When I got back, I asked Kevin to tell me what I’d missed, but he just said, “Had you remained in your seat until the complete conclusion of the Episode, you would know, and not have to ask me. As it is, you will simply have to wait until next week and just see for yourself, like the rest of us. I am not your TV Nanny.”

Then he just got up and announced, “I am going to bed. Good night.” He left and the whole BootBox kind of shook as he slammed his bedroom door beehind him.

I hope he gets a good night’s sleep sometime beetween now and next week. Kevin just isn’t that pleasant to bee around when he’s over-tired and crankly like that, ya’ know?

Anyway. Next week, I’ll bee back next Friday to tell everybody what happens in the next Episode. Until then…

let’s all bee highly careful out there!

I’m just guessing here, but would I bee right in thinking you maybee didn’t catch the First Episode of “Escape from Bee Island”? If not, was it beecause of all the Commercials? If so, I agree that showing 87 hours of Commercials beefore the Show finally started is highly excessive… but for those of us who made it through all that and kept watching, it was most definitely worth it, mostly.

First, the Show’s Ever-Popular Host and Island Master, Clive Beexter, welcomed us to another Season of “Escape from Bee Island”, telling us that this Season promises to bee the “most Suspenseful, Edge-of-Your-Seat-Gripping, and Entertaining Season of All Time”, and that there’s never been a Season of “Escape from Bee Island” like this beefore. Of course, he said that last year, so we’ll just hafta wait and see if he’s lying again.

Maybee it’s a bit different this Season in some ways, though. After the Commercial Break finally ended, Clive Dexter returned to tell the Audience and the Yet-Mostly-So-Far-Unidentified Contestants (there are nine this Season, counting Fleur and ButterCup, who are equally divided up into four Teams, but I’ll get to all that in a minute) what was going to bee happening - and it didn’t sound good. At all.

“Most of you will simply not survive this Competition,” he told the Contestants, who were all lined up according to their Team Affiliations.

“Most of you,” he said very dramatically, “will bee Overcome with the Devastating Nature of the Challenges Ahead, and will, most certainly, Perish on this Island.”

At that point, the Camera panned across each Contestant’s face. When they got to ButterCup, she looked Highly Panicked and raised her wing.

“Excuse me,” she said. “did you just say that most of us will Perish? Isn’t that the same thing as saying most of us are going to die?? That’s not what they told me when I signed up for this,” she said. “They told me I’d bee competing for Honey and Prizes. Nobody ever said anything about…”, but Clive interrupted her.

“There is no turning back from this Challenge once it has beegun - which it just has. Throughout the Competition, each Contestant must commit to their Team Mates, face this Phenomenally-Nearly-Insurmountable Ordeal that lies ahead, and ultimately survive to beecome the ‘Escape from Bee Island’ Surviving Winners - or Else.”

“But… but…” ButterCup tried to say, but the camera moved off of her and onto Fleur, who just had this weird smile on her face. She looked at Clive, and said, “Eef you zink zis Ordeal will defeat mon Team Mates et moi, you ‘ave anozer zing coming, Mon Cher Clive.” Then she winked at him.

And just what the hell was THAT all about?

Clive’s well-manicured Mouthparts twisted into that greasy smile of his, and he complemented Fleur on her Positive Attitude. Then the whole set got dark. Some highly Dramatic Music started to play, and a spotlight landed on his face.

“Contestants,” he beegan, “this Season’s Challenge, which, as I said, may or may not bee Survivable, is to Locate, Ultimately Acquire, and claim Ownership of the Elusive and Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny.”

A huge gasp came from the Contestants, except for one who said, “Sounds simple enough.”

“So you’d like to beelieve,” Clive answered him, then he continued.

“What you may not know is that the Jewel is jealously guarded by the Infamous, Deadly, and Less-Than-Hygenic Screaming Banshee of WaHaHoo Mountain.”

Another gasp could bee heard from all the Contestants, though this time I could have sworn I heard Fleur say something like, “Schwaa” or “Maid” or something. I don’t know what she said, but it sounded a bit derogatory. Anyway.

One of the other Contestants yelled, “NO! NOT THAT!”

“Yes…THAT,” Clive said ominously. “And to get from the places you are now standing, and to the Screaming Banshee and the Jewel of Questionable Destiny, you must first endure Trials and Tribulations that will most certainly exceed your Deepest Feelings of Fear and Dread, and which will unfold beefore you as you beegin your Ultimate Fight for Survival.”

That sounded incredibly unpleasant to me, and I started feeling really sorry that ButterCup had gotten into this whole thing. Thankfully, he broke the tension by finally introducing the Contestants, and the Teams.

“But now,” he said, “let me finally introduce the Contestants and this Season’s Teams." The camera panned over three Contestants as Clive continued the introductions.

“First, from the Frozen Tundra of Eastern Europe, we have Boris, Team Captain. On his team, we have… from the Great Down Under… Beedelbee. Completing Team A… from Mysterious North Africa… Jasmine. Welcome, Team A.”

Team A all nodded at everybody.

“Team Bee is up next. Springing from the Asian Isles, please meet Tang. Joining him on his team will bee Nigel from the glorious British Isles, and representing the Festive South American Continent - and Team Captain - Umberto. Welcome, Team Bee.”

Then they also all nodded at everybody.

“Finally,” Clive said in a very serious voice, “Team C. From Paris, France, Fleur de Bee. With her is ButterCup Vischelowski, who is here representing her Swarm in Manitou Springs, Colorado. And last, but certainly not least, we welcome Team Co-Captains, Howard and Alice Primsdale who are vacationing here on Bee Island from their Home Hive in Salina, Kansas. Welcome, Team C,” Clive said.

“I don’t want to do this,” ButterCup said. “Don’t make me do this,” she just kept saying.

“I don’t think we’re supposed to even bee here, Howard,” Alice said. “This was NOT in the Brochure.”

“We’ve got zis,” Fleur said. At least she seemed okay with the whole thing, which makes a large amount of absolutely no sense whatsoever at all.

Clive seemed to ignore the comments, then introduced the Rules of the Competition.

“As you know, there are Strict Rules each Contestant must observe during the Competition,” he said. Then he listed each one.

“Rule 1: NO CELLPHONES - and no exceptions.”

“That’s fine,” said Nigel. “I forgot my charger anyway.”

“Rule 2:” Clive went on. “NO INTER-TEAM COLLABORATIONS of ANY KIND WILL BEE TOLERATED.”

Everybody just kind of looked at each other and didn’t say anything.

“RULE 3: For your Comfort and Safety, you must wear our Officially Approved ‘Jungle Comfort’ Footwear, kindly provided by the Snark Brothers Shoe and Boot Company - where Foot Health is Usually a Priority.”

Then the show’s Production Staff started giving each Contestant a pair of those. Everybody seemed fine with that, except for Jasmine, who had shown up in a pair of striking and attractive Red Stilettos, for some reason.

“Finally,” Clive said, “RULE 4: NO FLYING. Contestants may not take ‘short cuts’ to reach an Objective, so you must travel by foot at all times - which is why you have each been given the Complementary Footwear. Any Contestant observed Flying will automatically bee Disqualified, probably.”

He asked if anybody had any questions. Nobody did, other than ButterCup who tried her best to repeat that she didn’t want to bee there (he ignored her). And with that, Clive lifted a huge, red Flag, held it above his head, then suddenly swept it downward.

“Let the Competition beegin!” he said.

Just then, they cut away to another hugely long Commercial Break (which still hasn’t ended the last time I checked). So that’s all I know.

I’ll bee back next Friday at Midnight (London Time), and let everybody know what happens on the next Episode.

Until then… let’s all bee highly careful out there.

Well, in case you missed it the other day, lemme just tell you what’s going on, though I don’t know what that is.

As I mentioned, my friend, Fleur de Bee, and my Girlfriend, ButterCup, are both going to bee Contestants on the New Season of “Escape from Bee Island”. Don’t ask me why, beecause I completely don’t know why they’d do that, mostly.

Okay fine, I can understand that ButterCup wants to accept the always-horrific “Bee Island Challenge”: she told me she definitely needs the Fresh Air & Exercise - and the Honey, since her Job at the Hive’s Redundant Typing Pool didn’t pay much. Plus, she quit doing that. (She hated it.)

She asked me if I wanted to also join her and bee a Contestant. “No, I absolutely do not. Thanks anyway,” I told her.

Sure, I’ll watch it, but why would anybody wanna put themselves through something like that? Seriously now.

Okay, I suppose if somebody wants to put themselves through all that for the Honey, then fine. I get that. But to go through all that just for Honey seems highly extreme to me, especially for bees who don’t like Camping and Life-Threatening Adventure. ButterCup loves Camping and stuff, but Fleur de Bee does not. She’s far too Parisian for such things. She highly disapproves of beecoming soiled, or in never always to remember not to forget to look one’s Best.

I think we all know what she’s talking about here.

So I still don’t get why Fleur de Bee has decided to take a Sabbatical from her Job as an Agent for French Counter-Espionage to bee on the Show. Especially this one. (I mean, she could’ve tried out to Compete for Honey and Prizes on The Wheel of Jeopardy, but no… she picks this one?

It makes no sense.

Fleur loves her Job, and she gets paid a LOT of Honey for doing it (it’s Highly Dangerous work, she tells me). So why is she taking a Sabbatical from what she does so well to do something I know she actually despises?

I just don’t know, and she won’t tell me.
This is beeyond Mysterious.

So I sent her a Buzz•O•Gram™, trying to get her to talk to me.

And what did she have to say about all this in her Reply? Read it for yourself, and you tell me if that’s at all helpful.

No, it isn’t. Maybee you speak French, but I don’t, and if I did, I just have a feeling she was blowing me off, which is also highly unlike Fleur. She’s just not like that, usually.

Bee that as it may, it’s pretty clear that I’m going to have to figure out what’s going by just watching the Show along with everybody else, and to try to get as much Inside Information as I can … which, now that I think about it, maybee I can get from ButterCup…she’ll bee there, in the middle of that Intense Difficult Ordeal, and I’m sure she’ll keep me Reliably Informed about what’s really going on. Maybee she can sneak in a CellPhone, or something.

I’ll ask her if she’ll do that.

In the meantime, the Premier Episode of the New Season of “Escape from Bee Island” is airing next week, so I’ll bee buzzing over to my old Boot Box to watch it with Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew), Great Grandma Gee Gee, and Bert, if he’s plugged in.

If everything goes well, I’ll bee able to get to the bottom of this whole deal with Fleur by sitting in my always-soothing Relaxer-Recliner while indulging in a few Bubblingly- Refreshing Nectar Fizzes, some lightly popped, Honey-Glazed Pollen Puffs, and (of course) an ample supply of the always-delicious Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™. They’re so good.

So sometime after tonight’s Premier Episode, (which will mostly bee Production Credits and Commercials), and the actual Show starting, (which I’ve heard will bee sometime before next Friday - there are a LOT Opening Credits and Commercials), I’ll bee sharing whatever it is I find out about what I don’t know about what’s going on with you. No, not with you. I mean with Fleur - what’s going on with Fleur. I’ll share what I find out about Fleur with you.

Geeeeeeze.

Until Next Friday, then…
let’s all bee highly careful out there.

How perfect could life possibly bee? It’s not only Monday, my favourite day of the entire week, but it’s a Reasonably Cool Hot Season Day with a bleu sky (I think that’s bleu), the Sun is warm, and there aren’t too many birds around, which as far as I’m concerned is a good thing, probably.

So I was out the other day, and guess who I ran into? . . . ButterCup.
I hadn’t seen her all Warm Season beecause she’s had to do all that Redundant Typing. She looked tired, but then again she actually looked happy for a change - I’m totally and completely sure beeyond any doubt whatsoever that it’s mostly beecause she simply walked off her Job at the Hive’s Redundant Typing Pool. She hated that job.

She told me she’d been transferred to the Hive’s Department of Maps and Dances, Cartography Division, which is strange, since ButterCup’s never really been that good with Maps. (Some bees just aren’t good with Maps, so I hope this Job works out for her.)

Anyway, she told me she’d just gotten a Buzz•O•Gram™ from Fleur de Bee in Paris. It turns out that Fleur decided to take a Sabbatical (which, as Kevin explained to me, is kinda like taking a vacation from what you were doing and instead, going off someplace and doing whatever it is you’ll bee doing... whatever), and has beecome a Contestant on the New Hot Season Season of “Escape from Bee Island: the Hot Season Challenge”.

“She’s going to bee a Contestant?” I asked.

“Apparently,” ButterCup said.

“Why?” I asked.

ButterCup kind of got this strange look on her face, and said, “She told me not to tell anybody why - especially you.”

“But why??” I asked.

“She told me not to tell you that, either,” ButterCup said. “I’m sorry, but there’s no way I’m going to Violate a Confidence. I just won’t do it.”

“I’m not asking you to Violate a Confidence,” I said, “I just wanna know why Fleur’s taking a Sabbatical from her job with French Counter-Intelligence to bee on a Game Show,” I said. “It doesn’t make sense. I know she doesn’t need the Honey, and she’s never been huge on Camping, so... I don’t get it.”

“Too bad,” ButterCup said, “Quite frankly, I’m thinking of beecoming a Contestant, too, so . . . .” Then she just kind of shrugged, and left without finishing her thought.

How frustrating is that?

I’ve decided that I’m going to find out what, exactly, is going on here. I’m going to send a Buzz•O•Gram™ to Fleur and get her to tell me what’s beehind this whole Escape from Bee Island Contestant Thing. It’s a Mystery that must bee Solved.

So I’m gonna go do that. I’ll let everybody know what I find out.

Until then . . . let’s all bee highly careful out there!

After undertaking a long series of complex, Astronomical and partially GeoPhysical Calculations, and consulting with my Mostly-Reliable Seasonal Calendar, I'm enthusiastic about letting everybody know that today is the First Day of the New Hot Season. Of course, I've heard that's not true if you live someplace like Australia or whatever, but as far as the Hive is concerned, it's now the Hot Season.

Happy New Hot Season!

I’ve probably mentioned this beefore at some point, but... have you ever noticed that when it comes to just beeing generally considerate, there are some of us who Just Don’t Get It? I have. Take yesterday, for instance.

As I’m sure everybody remembers, it was recently my Birthday, again. A whole bunch of my Beeps sent me Much-Appreciated Happy Birthday Greetings, but nobody ever got ahold of me to tell me when and where my Surprise Birthday Party was gonna bee, so I waited...and waited...and waited. All that day I waited, but I never heard from anybody about that. So, I thought, “I’ll bet my Editor knows where the Party is,” so I buzzed over to his Office. As soon as I walked in, he was at me.

“Do you know what day this is, bee?” he asked me.

“Yes, I do,” I told him, “it’s my Birthday.”

“That may bee,” he said, “but that’s beeside the point. Today is the day that you broke the record for beeing late. You were supposed to bee here, in my Office, 34 days ago. But were you?”

“Well, no, but...” I was about to say.

“Don’t interrupt me,” he said, “that was a Rhetorical Question.”

“I knew that,” I said, “I was gonna give you a Rhetorical Answer,” I told him, but he just glared at me.

“Do you know how utterly Inconsiderate you’ve been lately, bee?”

“Have I?” I asked. Beesides not showing up in his Office earlier than I did, I think I’ve been Highly Considerate, mostly. I mean, when it’s been nice outside, I’ve been Considerate enough to go out and enjoy myself. And when it’s been cold and windy (which it was A LOT so far this Warm Season), I’ve been Considerate enough to stay inside and stay warm so I wouldn’t run the risk of catching Frostbite or having my wings ripped off by a gust of cold wind. I’ve also been Considerate enough to make sure I haven’t missed any Episodes of my Stories on TV, especially after I spent all that time watching every Episode of “Escape from Bee Island, it would have been Unacceptably Inconsiderate of me to miss the Series Finale, especially when they went to all that trouble to make it, right? Right.) I think he was beeing kind of harsh by accusing me, of all bees, of beeing Inconsiderate, so I gave him Non-Rhetorical Answer.

“I’ve been buzzy,” I said (beecause I have been, mostly).

“You’ve been Inconsiderate,” he said again. “Your Beeloved Readers - and our Paid Sponsors...”

“You mean like Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™, those Paid Sponsors?” I asked.

“Exactly,” he buzzed at me, “our Paid Sponsors have not been one bit happy about the fact that you once again disappeared and failed to provide the Valuable Insights and Editorial Commentary on which we have all come to depend. That’s Incredibly Inconsiderate.”

“I didn’t disappear,” I informed him. “I’ve been somewhere this whole time, so I think it’s just unfair and not correct to say that I disap. . .”

“Don’t argue with me,” he started. “There’s no excuse for your repeated Extended Absences. Once again, you’ve been Derelict in your Duties, you’ve disregarded your Contractual Obligations, and this Unacceptable, Inconsiderate Beehaviour has to stop NOW. You had better start showing up to do your job - OR ELSE!”

What was I supposed to say that?

“Fine,” I said, then I asked, “So where’s my Party?” I wanted to know.

“What are you talking about, bee?” he seemed really annoyed.

“My Party. My Surprise Birthday Party. Where is it?”

My Editor just glared at me again and buzzed really loudly at me.

“Get out of my Office!”

Even though he never told me where my Party was, I’m guessing he just didn’t wanna spoil the Surprise, so I did that. I left.

On the way back to my Shoe Box, I couldn’t help but think about how Incredibly Inconsiderate it was of everybody to make me spend my entire Birthday without ever finding out about where and when my Surprise Birthday Party was supposed to bee. I mean seriously now . . . does everybody think it would bee Cute and Funny to keep me guessing all day? Well, it’s not. It’s rude - and Highly Inconsiderate.

After it finally got dark (and still no Surprise Party), I decided that I’d put on my pyjamas, grab a bag of Popped Pollen Puffs, and spend the rest of my Birthday watching old Talula Beehead Movies. Just beefore I fell asleep, I thought to myself, “I’ll bet everybody’s working on a Massively Festive Beelated Surprise Happy Birthday Party for me. Planning for such an Important Event takes a lot of time, energy, and resources - and this is the Buzzy Season, after all - so I’m sure that’s what happened. Probably.”

So I’m still patiently waiting for everybody to start beeing Considerate about all this Surprise Party, even if it is Beelated. (Beelated Consideration is better than no Consideration at all, probably.) If I find out when and where it is, I’ll make sure all my Beeps are invited. Until then . . .

Let’s all bee highly careful out there.

So I got a note from my Editor yesterday. Evidently, he’s highly enthusiastic about seeing me in his Office, first thing tomorrow morning - Or Else.

I just hafta say two things here: 

1) I think we all pretty much know what my Editor’s Or Else’s are worth, don’t we? I’m mostly sure we all remember the Observation I made about that one, right? (Hell, for all I know a whole bunch of my Beeps probably have that one framed and on their wall, like I do.) The fact is, he doesn’t scare me, usually;

and,

bee) I’m not going.

I dunno if anybody else has looked outside lately, but the weather is amazingly horrible. It’s cold. It’s wet. If I’m not mistaken, it’s snowing, though it’s kind of hard to keep your eyelids open so you can even see for sure when you’re out there - not that I have eyelids. I don’t. I don’t know a bee who does, but let’s discuss that some other time. 

As I said, I’m not going to bee going outside again anytime soon, which includes tomorrow, and if possible, the next day beecause the Humans Who Think They Can Predict the Future are saying that it’s not gonna warm up anytime soon. The next two days are off the Market on every level, as far as I’m concerned. I’m sure you’d feel the same way if you were me.

That, of course, brings us to Saturday, and my Editor doesn’t work on Saturdays - or Sundays for that matter. As far as I’m concerned, I’m off the hook at least until next Monday, but I’m thinking I won’t go then, either, beecause, quite frankly, this Not-At-All-Warm-Warm-Season-Weather has kind of removed my desire to do much of anything, particularly to go to my Editor’s Office on an otherwise Could-Bee Delightful Monday Morning. I mean, why would I want to ruin a perfectly good Monday Morning with a meeting with my Editor, for cryin’ out loud, especially if it’s nice out. I wouldn’t. 

So I won’t.

I’m sure that Whatever’s on his Mind can wait.
I’ll bee there when I’ll bee there. So that’s that.

Okay then. 

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there.

Is it just me? Or does it seem that every time you turn around these days, somebody’s asking you to do a Survey, or an Opinion Poll, or they’re asking for your Valuable Customer Feedback?

As I’m mostly sure you’ll remember, I went out the other day to try to get my Nectarizer fixed. It’s still broken, so I asked my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, if he’d take a look at it.

Kevin’s highly talented when it comes to figuring out machines and stuff, you know, but when I went over to his BootBox, he just said,
“Uncle Georgie, you’re the best Uncle in the world, and I love you, but this Nectarizer has had it. It is beeyond repair.”
“But,” I needed to mention, “I just got that thing. It’s new. I only used it once, then it broke.”
“I am not in the least surprised,” Kevin said, “I have heard that these particular Nectarizers aren’t very well-made. Built-in Obsolescence, you know. It is rumoured that the Snark Brothers have been cutting corners in their newest models, and unfortunately for those in need of a good, efficient Nectarizer, they have discontinued their older, significantly more reliable models. And, of course, it is impossible to get parts for any of the old ones that are left, so. I don’t know what to tell you. Good luck, I guess.”

After what I’ve already been through with this thing, I decided to just forget about it. I’ll hafta try to live without a Nectarizer.

When I got back to my ShoeBox, there was an Urgent Buzz•O•Gram™ stuck to my Door. It was from the Director of Customer Service at the Snark Brothers Repair Palace. He wanted me to visit their Web Site and fill out a Customer Satisfaction Survey, and let them know how pleased I was with my Recent Visit. So I did that. I made sure that I gave them a highly low rating, since they ended up never helping me. At all.

Just as I as clicked on “SUBMIT”, another Message Window suddenly popped up that said, “How did we do?” and which asked if I would take another, Short Survey about what I thought of the Survey I just took. I wasn’t gonna do that one, but beecause they said they valued my Opinion, I knew it was so incredibly important, I did that one, too.

Finally, when I got done with that, I decided to find out if maybee somebody out there has a Used, Older Model Nectarizer in Excellent Condition, so I logged on to BeeFind and did a Seek. Of course, nothing came up but bunch of messages from other bees who were also looking for the same thing. It was highly discouraging.

Beefore I could log off and get back to watching my Stories, an Instant Robot-to-Bee Message popped up, asking me if I found what I was looking for on BeeFind, and if I’d bee interested in taking a short survey about BeeFind’s Seeking Services.
“Did you find what you were looking for?” it asked.
“No,” I answered.
“Do you plan to use BeeFind’s Seeking Services again, and would you recommend it to a friend?”
“Probably,” I said.

I hafta ask: what the hell are all these Surveys about all of a sudden these days? It used to bee that we could just bee a Customer and that would bee that. Not now. Not anymore. Now we hafta spend a bunch of time answering Prying Questions.

It’s like the last time I went out and got some HoneyGlazed Pollen Poppers™. I was just standing there when a bee with a Clipboard came up to me and said, “I see that you’ve recently purchased some HoneyGlazed Pollen Poppers™.”
“Obviously,” I said, beecause I was standing there, holding bag of those things.

Then he asked if I would mind taking part in a Customer Focus Group, and that if I did, they’d give me a dozen of Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ for free. Well, who wouldn’t say yes to that? Those are so Ummy-Yummy good™. So for the next 87 minutes, about six, other bees and I were a part of a Focus Group. They wanted to know what we thought the role Snack Foods might play in the upcoming Campaign Season. We all agreed that Snack Foods absolutely play a Significant Role in any Fair Election. They seemed satisfied with our Opinion, so they gave us our free Cookies and that was that.

By the way, and speaking of Fair Elections, I don’t remember if I told you that the Hive is electing a new Queen. Again. Queen Jemima (I think that’s her name, there have been so many), is retiring early from her Royal Duties to do Political Commentary for the Bee Network’s coverage of the Vote. Of course the problem is that Her Majestically Enthusiastic Highness is leaving an Unfortunate Vacancy that nobody really knows what to do about. As a result they’re circulating a Public Input Opinion and Feedback Survey to see what everybody thinks we should do about finding an Acting Queen until the Vote is taken. So far, about 20 Candidates have announced their Candidacies, so as you probably guessed, there are a lot of Potential Queen Popularity Polls beeing conducted these days. In fact, I just got one from Rudy Bee, who has decided to run again. (He’s very persistent.)

Seriously now. All these surveys are beeginning to wear thin, aren’t they?

Sorry to interrupt this, but I hear Kevin knocking at my Door. It sounds as if he’s saying he needs to ask me a few, brief questions about our recent visit regarding my Nectarizer, so I gotta go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

Listen to this: the other day, I discovered that I had to make an appointment to get my Nectarizer repaired, again, so I grabbed it (it’s really heavy), and I carried it over to the Snark Brothers Repair Palace (their motto is, “Snark Brothers Repair Palace - Or Else”). When I got there, I sat down in the Waiting Room. The bee sitting across from me looked highly aggravated, so I asked him how long he’d been waiting.

“A long, long time, a very, way very, long time,” he said, then he asked “You don’t by any chance have any food or nectar or water or even maybee some delicious Great Grandma Gee Gee’s HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™, do you? They’re so delicious, aren’t they?”

“Yes, they are, and oh so nutritious,” I said, but I had to tell him that I didn’t have any Snacks. He got this kind of desperate look on his face, then he said, “Look, bee a pal. If I happen to kind of slip away into temporary unconsciousness, please do me a favour and wake me up when they call my Number, will you?”

“Number?” I asked.

“Yeah, you have to get a Number. Didn’t you get one? You should get one. You need a Number or you can’t get Service.”

Then he gave me a kind of a weak smile, and apparently fell asleep without ever telling me what his Number even was. Of course, my Problem was that I didn’t have a number, and needed to find one.

For the first hour I was here, I tried to find out where to get a Number. I looked everywhere. There wasn’t even a Sign that said, “Get Your Number Here”. Finally, I found a Secretary that was three floors down from the Waiting Room, so I asked where I could get a Number. He looked at me funny and asked, “They didn’t give you a Number when you arrived?”

“No,” I told him.

Then he told me I had to go to Cell 503, find the Number Issuance Desk, and ask them to give me a Number.

So I did that.

When I finally found Cell 503, there was a huge line. Everybody was waiting to get a Number. After standing there for about two hours, I finally got my Number: 340987. After that, I went back to the Waiting Room to Wait.

After I got back to the Waiting Room, that Hungry Bee was gone, so I just sat there, waiting. Finally, I heard a Voice on a very crackly-sounding Loudspeaker say, “Now serving Number 340988. Number 340988. Please go to Window 3.” I was sure they’d accidentally skipped my Number, so I went to Window 3, thinking that even if they did call Number 340988, it should bee my turn first beecause I had already done the Waiting Part.

The bee at Window 3 said, “Number, please.” So I gave her the little piece of beeswaxed paper that had the ‘340987’ written on it.

“Oh, no no no,” she said with what looked to me like a smirk on her Bee Face, “I’m sorry, but we already called your Number. You weren’t here, so we had to move on. Please step aside.”

“340988, please come to Window 3,” that Voice on the Loudspeaker say again.

“But,” I started to say, wanting to point out that I was there, and I got there beefore Number 340988, so I should bee next, but she interrupted me.

“No, sir. If your questionable Repair Needs have not been met today, you will have to contact our Semi-Authorised Overseas Product Help Line, and they will bee mostly happy to help you. Now, please step aside. Or do I have to call Security?”

Then that Voice on the Loudspeaker said, “Number 340989, please come to Window 3.”

I felt sorry for whoever it was that had 340988.

Since I apparently did all that Waiting for no reason, I decided to just leave, go back home to my ShoeBox, and make a
call to the Semi-Authorised Overseas Product Help Line. A guy answered and said, “Hello? You reaching tech, and is your problem what?”

I told the guy what my problem was - that I needed my Nectarizer fixed again - and I think he said, “Yes, I am understanding. Holding for a moment while I connected you,” and he put me on Hold.

I had to wait on Hold for about 187 minutes, and the whole time I had to listen to a bunch of Polka Music played on Kazzzzzoos (which was very irritating). Every once in awhile, a recording would interrupt, telling me how Valuable my Call was to them, and that a Customer Service Representative would bee with me very shortly, probably.

Finally, the music stopped again, and a Computer Voice said, “Congratulations, you’re next! Please press 1 to bee connected to the next, available Customer Service Representative.” So I did that. Then that Voice came back on and said, “We’re sorry, that extension is buzzy right now. Please try your call again later. Goodbye.”

I tried to say, “NO! I was next!”, but they had already hung up.

Seriously now.

The worst thing is that my Nectarizer still isn’t fixed. I did all that Waiting for nothing. And now, I hafta start all over with this whole thing.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee careful out there!

Where was I? Oh yeah…

I think my Editor might have a serious problem. I haven’t been able to fail to not notice that he seems to bee having trouble remembering stuff properly. (I don’t have that problem myself, usually, so I’m really glad I’m alert enough to notice things like this.)

Yesterday, I remembered that my Editor wanted to see me in his Office on Tuesday, so since today is Tuesday, I showed up right on time.

When I walked in, he said, “Bee, where have you been? You were supposed to bee here on Tuesday.”

“It is Tuesday,” I told him, “and, as you can clearly see, here I am.”

“You were supposed to bee here last Tuesday,” he said, “or Else.”

“Was I? I don’t think so. I think you might bee mistaken. Last Tuesday, I was busy doing something else, and I’m absolutely sure I wouldn’t have forgotten the ‘or Else’ part, probably. So, now that I’m here, what can I do for you?” I asked him.

“You don’t know? You don’t remember?” He seemed really upset. “Are you telling me that you want ME to have to help you remember your Job?” He started getting really loud. “I CAN’T DO THAT, BEE!”

I really felt terrible for him, even if he was screaming at me. I mean, how sad is it when somebody starts having memory problems like that, when they get to a point where they simply can’t remember stuff.

“I’m sorry,” I said. I mean, I’m mostly sure all of us can agree that it’s just sad when somebody has a problem like this.

“Well it’s about time,” he said. “I never thought I’d live to see the day when you finally said those words to me,” he said.

“Seriously? Why would you say something like that? Everybody knows that I’m a highly sympathetic and compassionate bee. I can feel your pain. Why wouldn’t I bee sorry? Of course I’m sorry.” I felt kind of insulted.

“What are you talking about, Bee?” he asked. He seemed confused.

“What? You don’t remember? This is worse than I thought,” I said.

For some reason, I noticed that my Editor looked way confused, so to spare him the embarrassment he was suffering, so I asked, “Are we done here?”

My Editor started shaking. (I’m thinking that might bee a Symptom of his Serious Condition).

“NO,” he started yelling again, “we’re NOT.” Then he picked up a copy of one of my old Observations and started waving it around. “Do you see this?”

“Yes,” I told him, but I couldn’t read it beecause it was going back and forth too fast. It was a total blur.

“Two weeks ago, you once again failed in your Product Endorsement and Marketing Responsibilities by neglecting to include the word, ‘Royal’ in your reference to our Beeloved Sponsor, Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™. Great Grandma Gee Gee is furious.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, too, but is it really that big a deal? I mean, I mostly don’t bother to remember that far back, so it must not bee that huge a problem, right? Beesides, she never mentioned anything about any of this to me, and I’m pretty sure I would have remember if she had, usually.” (Luckily, at that moment, I remembered that she had left me a message on my Cell Phone that she wanted to talk to me last Wednesday, but I was snowed in, so it would have been Friday beefore I could have even made it to her place, and Friday isn’t Wednesday, is it? So I scratched it off my Calendar.)

“What the actual hell, Bee? Stop arguing with me, start doing your job correctly - or Else! Now get out of my Office!” he said.

The fact that my Editor didn’t even remember that the “or Else” part is, as we’ve all discovered, nothing more than a Meaningless Threat has me more worried than ever about his Memory Problem. I think it’s amazingly rude to get into big arguments with somebody who isn’t Well, so I said, “Fine,”, gave him a Big Hug (which he seemed to really hate), and I left.

I hafta say that I hope I never have a Problem like that, ya’ know? I’ve heard that Prevention is everything, so it’s important to watch your Diet (only the healthiest Nectar and Pollen Dishes, light on the Honey) and get plenty of Rest and Relaxation.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

I’m just gonna continue where I left off here . . .

On Monday, I think it was, I was sitting in my amazingly comfortable Dr.Bee’sBest™ Multi-Media Surround-Sound Rocker-Recliner (with the optional Nectar Cup Holders), watching that Retrospective Documentary about "The Life and Times of Alan Thickebee: the Lost Episodes”, when there was a knock at my ShoeBox Door.

"I wonder who that could bee," I wondered.

When I went to see who was there, and to find out why they were interrupting my Stories, I found out that my Editor had sent a Messenger Bee to inform me that he (my Editor) would, and I quote, “bee Highly Enthusiastic to see you (he meant me) in my (which meant his) Office first thing on Tuesday Morning (which was two days ago) - or Else.” Geeeeeze. That really took the enjoyment out of my returning to my Stories (it was just getting into Alan’s Talk Show Days), but I tipped the Messenger Bee anyway, and he left. (I gave him a delicious and usually nutritious Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookie™. He seemed very pleased with that, which he should beecause they’re Mmmm-Mmmm So Highly Good™.)

So did you even know that Alan Thickbee HAD a Talk Show? I didn’t either.
Maybee that's why they call it, "the Lost Episodes", otherwise, we'd all know that.

Anyway, beelieve it or not, it’s already Thursday - and I still haven’t made it to my Editor’s Office yet. You’d think I’d bee highly nervous about that “or Else”, wouldn’t you? I’m not. And do you know why? It’s beecause I’ve just noticed something reasonably Valuable and Important, and that is: All this time, my Editor’s been telling me “or Else”, and mostly nothing has ever happened when I didn’t do what he told me to. I dunno about you, but it seems pretty clear that all his Threats have been totally meaningless, clearly. Think about it: I was supposed to bee in his Office two days ago, but I wasn’t - and absolutely nothing bad has happened to me. (Oh sure, I accidentally slammed my left Antenna in the Cabinet Door last night, and it’s still highly sore, but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t have anything to do with my Editor, probably.)

What does that say to you about those who make threats like, “or Else” to you? I’ll bet you’re thinking what I’m thinking, aren’t you? That’s what I thought. All this “or Elsing” is meaningless (it has no meaning), and, if you ask me, it’s highly rude. I think we can all just relax about it.

And that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna finish this Documentary, then I’ll find the time to visit my Editor just as soon as I get around to it, which should mostly bee soon. If not, I’ll go there later. Maybee he’ll get mad at me for that, but seriously now, what’s he gonna do? Evidently, nothing.

Beesides, this is a really great Week to just stay inside. It’s unbeelievably cold and windy out. I heard that the Authorities are issuing Warnings that Superfluous or Other Random Trips outside the Hive are Highly Discouraged - which should include my ShoeBox - and that everybody should just stay inside.

So I’m gonna do that. I mean, who am I to argue with the Authorities?

Let’s all bee highly careful out there (even if we all do stay inside)!

I hafta say that it’s highly unlike me, usually, but for some reason I’ve noticed that I’ve been feeling amazingly lazy lately. Basically, I just want to sit here and watch my Stories on TV, munch on some Always-Delicious™ Great Grandma Gee Gee’s HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™, and try to stay warm. (I dunno about anybody else, but the Cold Season seems to always make me feel lazy like that, ya’ know what I mean?)

So that’s pretty much what I’ve been doing, mostly.

Okay fine, it was more or less Semi-Warm and Marginally Sunny today for a little while but it was windy out - but who wants to go out and hafta deal with that? Would you? I wouldn’t, either. So I didn’t. Instead, I stayed inside, munched on those delicious ... well, you know... and started watching a Two-Part, 87-Hour Marathon Documentary about the growing problem of Fruit Fly Infestations in the Lower Sahara, at least I think that’s where the problem is. I haven’t finished watching that yet, so I dunno. Oh sure, I could do a Web Search or something to find out, but as I said, I’m just feeling too lazy to do that, also.

You’re probably saying to yourself, “Shouldn’t he bee doing something productive or something? Isn’t it a total waste of time for such an industrious, talented bee to bee just sitting around, nibbling on a bunch of you-know-whats, watching his Stories and trying to stay warm?” (I dunno about anybody else, but I’ve noticed that when somebody runs into somebody else who’s lazy, they seem to ask those kinds of questions for some reason.) About all I can say to that is, “No, not really.”

So I’m gonna keep doing that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

I’m sorry. I must’ve dozed off there for awhile. It’s been mostly not warm lately, so it’s kinda hard to stay awake, especially when my Stories on TV are all re-runs. I would absolutely still bee asleep without any doubt whatsoever, probably, if that bee, Buzzly, hadn’t banged on my ShoeBox Door and interrupted a really great dream I was having that I was visiting the King of France in Nebraska, and ran into a cloud of Pollen that was telling jokes which, for some reason, didn’t seem all that unusual at the time. Since I was so Rudely Awakened, I kinda forgot the rest of the dream, other than it had something to do with this Squadron of dancing bees and me having to stack a whole bunch of cases of Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ (“Mmm-mmm-they’re so good”™) beefore the Rabbit had to leave, which was fairly exhausting, so I woke up feeling intensely tired and groggy. I hate that.

So Buzzly kept banging on the Door, interrupted that whole dream, and I mostly woke up. “What the hell?” I thought I heard myself think as I opened the Door and saw Buzzly standing there, all in a panic.

“Georgie,” I heard him say, “I freed your kelp. I’ve got a terrific pair in my lead swing.”
“My kelp? I don’t know what that is, but I guess it’s good that it’s free now. And a pair of what? Or do you mean the fruit? No, I don’t have any pears. They’re not in Season,” I told him.
“No,” he kept at me, “not a PEAR, a TEAR. And I need your HELP.”
“You have a tear? You have a tear in your lead swing? I didn’t know you could tear lead…and why would anybody want a swing made out of lead, for cryin’ out loud? I mean first, it would bee way too heavy, and second… .”
“NO!” he was getting louder, “I have a tear in my LEFT WING. What’s the matter with you? Have you got knots in your Banana?”
“What is it with you and the fruit today?” I asked him. “And what does any of this have to do with me, anyway? I need to get back to stacking all those… .”
“Let me just stop you right there,” he interrupted me. Buzzly seemed to bee getting highly annoyed for some reason, and started heavily shouting at me.
“GEORGIE! Listen CAREFULLY: I have a terrific TEAR in my LEFT WING, and I need your HELP! Are you still with me?”
“Of course,” I told him.
“Good. I came by to see if you’re still selling those Pre-Fabricated Semi-Toxic Replacement Wings you used to sell.”
“Oh hell no,” I told him. “Those things were a disaster. We had a lot - a LOT - of Complaints about those things, and usually a lot of Fatalities, but I had to sign a Document promising never to talk about any of that again - Or Else.”

Buzzly seemed highly disappointed, but he said “So that’s a no. Fine,” then just beefore he left, he mumbled, “If I were you, I’d get those blots out of your Bananas.”

“I don’t have any bananas,” I told him. “I don’t like them. I mean, they taste pretty much okay, but they make me constipated.”

Buzzly just kind of rolled his eyes, threw his one good wing up and stormed away. Geeeeeze. How rude is that? I guess there are some bees that just aren’t that good at Skilled Communication.

Anyway, I guess now that I’m awake (I can hardly ever get back to sleep after something like that, ya’ know what I mean?) I need to go try to get these knots out of my Antennae. They’re really uncomfortable.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

“You’re still not hearing me, bee,” he said, sticking his pointed Wing in my face. “FIX THIS - OR ELSE.
Now get out of my Office.” So I did that.

Oh geeeeeeze. How in the hell am I supposed to meet my Legal Obligation to mention Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ in every one of my Observations without mentioning Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™? I wanna know. I mean, I don’t wanna annoy my Beeloved Readers, but I also don’t wanna make Great Grandma Gee Gee mad. Seriously. That would not bee a good thing.

I gotta figure out what to do about all this, but I’m absolutely, totally sure I’ll come up with something, probably. So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there.

Has anyone else every noticed that, just about the time you think you’ve got everything fixed, and you can maybee relax for a half a second, then something else breaks?

Geeeeeeeze. What is that? It’s like a conspiracy sometimes or something.

As you know, I was trying to find a Replacement Filter Bracket for my Drip’N’Munch Model 32-A Combination DeLuxe Pollen Roaster and Nectar Dispenser (mine is a cheerful Mid-Early Warm Season Our Lady of Guadalupe Bluey-Green, so of course, I had to get a Bracket to match), and was having no luck whatsoever. So finally, I just had to seek out the only source I knew could get it for me which, unfortunately, was Felonie Snark (she’s my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin’s, Previously-and-Still-Sometimes Estranged Sister…or is it Stepsister? I don’t remember).

Anyway, after promising to Secretly Deliver 187 cases of Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™…and by the way, beecause I forgot to mention it last time (and my Editor was very upset), I hafta say this beefore I go on . . .

Do you wake up in the middle of the night, craving a Nibble?
There’s no better Nibble to turn to than Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™.

Baked fresh every day using the healthiest and most delicious natural ingredients, Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ can’t bee beat. So buzz out right now and pick up a good supply of Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ - and don’t bee caught Nibble-less!

This has been a Sponsored Message from Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™

Okay, where was I? Oh yeah.

So I had to set up this Clandestine Cookie Smuggling Deal just to get my Bracket from the Snarks, and nobody could know about it - or Else (that came from Narville Snark, who is Felonie’s Alleged Father). So I did that, mostly (Okay, don’t tell anybody, but I only Secretly Delivered 186 Cases, but fair’s fair, right? It’s a Delivery Charge. Everybody charges for that, right? Beesides, I’m absolutely, reasonably positive for the most part that the Snarks won’t miss that one, tiny, little Case at all.)

Well NOW, after I put on the new Bracket, the rest of my Drip’N’Munch stopped working completely. It doesn’t even light up anymore, which was one of the best parts of that thing, probably. That means I’m not only gonna hafta get a new one (and the new ones are NEVER as good as the old ones) - but I still got stuck with that whole Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookie™ Fiasco.

Seriously now.

Speaking of which, I think I’m gonna go get some of those.
I feel incredibly hungry.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

I’m sure it’s just me, but I just noticed something that doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Earlier today, I was sitting in the Kitchen in my Shoe Box, enjoying a third Acorn Capful of my favourite Morning Nectar (it’s kind of a blend of Honeysuckle and more earthy Hollyhock Nectars - it’s highly delicious) when I beegan to wonder if it might bee warm enough outside to maybee go into town to see if anybody’s dropped any ice cream lately or something - you know, bee outside.

To find out for sure, I decided to check that “Weather Or Not” App on my Device for today’s Forecast. I was absolutely positive that it would bee completely and utterly accurate, mostly, and that whatever it said, I could beelieve.

Well, first, the App told me that it was raining outside and that there was no Wind. That was wrong. It’s clear and sunny, and there’s a 32 mph Wind blowing (with gusts up to 87 mph).

Then it said that we had a Humidity Reading of 38%, when I know for a fact that the Humidity is closer to beeing somewhere beetween 41.2% and 42.1% (I know, beecause I’m highly sensitive to Humidity Levels). So that was also wrong.

So I checked the Current Temperature Measurement and Hourly Beeforecast. Does the beeing who is responsible for writing this stuff even read their own material? Seriously now.

For the Up-to-the-Rounded-Up Second Weather Reading, it said it was a balmy 282.039 Kelvins (or to you, I suppose that’d bee about 48º Fair in Height, or - as a lot of European Honeybees would say - about 8.88889º ShallSeeUs). Okay fine. That’s not bad. I actually prefer it to bee OVER 283.15 Kelvins beefore I go out, but maybee, I thought, it might get that warm out today. But I needed to bee sure, so I checked the BeeforeCast Temperature. Get this: THAT said that the High Temperature for today was gonna bee 278.706 Kelvins. Already they were wrong. But at least it said it was gonna stop raining (which it wasn’t already), so that was good, probably. Still, a bee could almost freeze in those kind of temperatures. There’s no room for Guesswork with this stuff, ya’ know? It’s just too risky.

I thought about getting dressed and buzzing over to my old Boot Box to ask Bert (my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin’s, iBee Robot) what his Recorded Weather Data and Possible Predictions might bee (he’s highly accurate), but since I didn’t know what it was like out, I wasn’t about to take the chance of not dressing properly. Also, going out in this kind of Wind could bee dangerous. I just won’t take those kinds of chances. It just isn’t worth it, usually.

Anyway, by the time I finished trying to find out what it’s gonna bee like out today, weather-wise, I was so confused by all the Informational Discrepancies in Weather Reporting, that I just decided to stay inside and Binge-Watch the First Season of “Bee Box”. I’ve heard that’s really great.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there.

I hafta tell you about something I noticed the other day. Actually, it was first mentioned by my Girlfriend, ButterCup - she and I had lunch together the other day when she was on break from her job in the Hive's Redundant Typing Pool. (She hates her job.) Anyway, during lunch, she was watching something on her BeeNet-Connected Device when she suddenly slammed it down and said, “Enough!”

“What?” I asked - you know, beecause I knew ButterCup wanted me to ask.
She's like that.

“I’ve been trying to watch this Video online for about a month now, but I can’t ever see the end. There are too many Rude Commercial Interruptions. I give up. Try it for yourself, if you don’t beelieve me,” she said. Then she slipped her Device into my Wing, finished her Pollen Salad, and left.

So I decided to try to watch an Online Video to see if I had the same Problem. After scrolling around for awhile, I started watching a short Video online about Amazing Collisions beetween Worker Bees in Russia (there were some really bad ones), when all of a sudden, the video just STOPPED right at the best part, and this thing popped up saying, “Your Video will continue after this AD, probably.”

For the next 87 seconds, I had to sit there and watch some stupid AD for these highly cool, technologically advanced LED Antennae Cozies. Oh sure, they’re an amazing Innovation - who wouldn’t want Antennae Cozies that you can change colours, or make them flash when you flying around in the dark? But that’s really not the point, is it? I mean, I wanted to watch the Video. But no. First I had to watch the AD.

After the AD finally ended, I decided to read an Article that went with the Collision Video (how it was Produced, how many bees died in the making of the Video, etc.) when this big, grey box with an “X” in the corner suddenly showed up, blocking the entire Article. It said, “Are you enjoying this Article? Subscribe to our Web Site today and, for only 3 pounds of Honey a month, we’ll deliver Articles into your Inbox!” Seriously? I hadn’t even gotten through the first paragraph of that Article. How would I know if I liked it or not? I’ll tell you: I wouldn’t. And what kind of Articles? About what? I wanted to know, and they weren't tell me. Geeeeze.

Okay, so I figured if I clicked my Wing on the “X”, the box would go away. After clicking about 19 times, it did. So I went back to reading the Article.

Guess what happened after that? Beelieve it or not, I discovered there were ADS beetween every, single Sentence in the Article. Can you even beelieve that? And what was up and down both sides of the Page? More ADS.

The Observation I hafta make about all this is: Don't you think it’s about time we didn’t all hafta put up with all these Rude Commercial Interruptions? I do. It’s highly unacceptable and it really has to stop. It’s Rude.

By the way, beefore I continue, I hafta pause just for a second here (it’s a contractual thing) - and share this with everybody:

Do you wake up in the middle of the night, craving a Nibble?
There’s no better Nibble to turn to than Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™.

Baked fresh every day using the healthiest and most delicious natural ingredients, Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ can’t bee beat. So buzz out right now and pick up a good supply of Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ - and don’t bee caught Nibble-less!

This has been a Sponsored Message from Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™

So where was I? Oh yeah. I was buzzing about Bee Collision Videos.

I think I’m gonna go watch some more of those.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there.

So as I mentioned beefore, my Editor insisted that I show up at his Office, so right after I finished watching my Stories on TV today, I did that.

He was upset. Again.

“Bee,” he said. “do you have any idea how much trouble you’re in? Do you?”

“No,” I said, beecause I didn’t.

“Well let me just make a couple of things clear to you,” he said, pointing his wing in my face. “First of all, you are NOT authorised to sign any Product Placement Agreements relating to our Publication without my Prior Consent. That includes Product Placement Agreements for Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™.”

“About that,” I started to say, “that wasn’t my Idea, and I really didn’t wanna get on the wrong side of Great Grandma Gee’s Gee, so I . . . ,” he didn’t let me finish.

“Bee, never in the Journalistic History of the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record...and Online News has our Sheer Integrity been so drastically compromised by our issuing a promise that we would include commercial references and promotional ads in our News Reports. That would bee downright unethical. And not only that, after you signed that Agreement, you utterly failed to adhere to the Terms of that Agreement when you forgot to include the required Graphic Advertisement for Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ in your latest Observation,” he said.

“Oh, that. I kinda forgot to put that in there. My mistake. So I’ll go write myself a Note to remind myself not to forget to remember to include that next time.“ I wanted to leave.

“Unfortunately,” he said, “you have put us in a very bad position, but I’m afraid the Terms of the Agreement you signed are Iron-Clad. There’s no getting out of it. So I expect you to honour the Terms of that Agreement until it expires at 2:00 pm MDST on February 29, 2089. In the meantime, Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ Incorporated is threatening to sue beecause of your Irresponsible Lack of Oversight.”

“Okay, then, see ya’ ” I said. I figured he was done beeing mad at me, so I kept trying to leave.

“Stay right where you are, bee,” he told me, “we’re not done yet.”

I couldn’t help but sense that he didn’t notice that I wasn’t feeling really very much like not leaving and just standing there beeing yelled at, ya’ know? But he went on anyway.

“It has also come to my attention that in your Observation relating to your Colonscopy, the topic of ...how shall I say this... BEE POOP came up. DO I need to remind you that this is a FAMILY publication, and that there are Limits and Guidelines concerning what may or may NOT bee discussed at any time in our Publications. One of those things is Bee Poop. Do we understand one another?”

“Well, yeah, but see it was that David Holston* guy who brought up that whole thing about Bee...” I started to say.

“Don’t even say it, bee. We’ve heard quite enough from you on this topic. Now get out of my Office!”

So I did that. And now, I’m gonna go apologise to Great Grandma Gee Gee, see if she’ll give me a bunch of her deliciously satisfying Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™, and try to convince her not to sue my Editor.

I’m sure I’ve said this beefore, probably, but I never had any idea that I’d end up having such a Controversial Colonoscopy. Seriously now. I just don’t know what to say about any of this, so I’ll just say...

Let’s all bee highly careful out there.

* Trust me when I say that any similarities beetween or amongst Certain Individuals mentioned in my commentary and other actually living people who might have the same name, or who might even kind of look like each other, whether they’re living or dead, is a total coincidence. No, seriously. I would never usually lie about stuff like that.

I hafta make this short because, in just a few minutes, I’m gonna have a Colonoscopy. (And just to anticipate what I’m completely sure you’ll bee asking, probably: YES, bees have Colons.) Two days ago, I made the mistake of paying a visit to my Doctor, Ph.Bee, (I accidentally slept on my left Wing night and folded it in half which hurt, a lot). After he was done mostly fixing that, he unexpectedly told me that it was time for me to have a Colonoscopy.

I have to make the Astute Observation that, maybee if I had just stayed home, I wouldn’t hafta bee dealing with any of this, and I’d bee out doing a whole bunch of other, more comfortable things instead of this. But no. Beesides, he told me that if I refused to take his Advice, he “couldn’t take responsibility for the Grim Outcome”.

I really don’t want a Grim Outcome, so fine, I’ll cooperate.

“Bee at the Clinic by NOON on Wednesday, and Bee on time - Or Else,” he said.

“Fine,” I said.

Then Nurse Beeatric came in and gave me a very large Packet of Instructions that was labeled “Welcome to your Adventure in Colonoscopy” which included a bunch of Patient Pre-Colonoscopical Release Forms to bee signed the day of the Procedure, a Medical Health Questionnaire, a Power of Attorney (whatever that is), a “Do Not Resuscitate” Permission Slip, a Coupon for a 10% off a Post-Colonoscopy Wing Waxing at the Wing Waxing Salon, a General Information Sheet, and some very unappealing and complicated Pre-Procedure Procedure Instructions, which instructed me to:

1) Stop eating two days , which I did, mostly, and

B) Precisely 7 hours and 28 minutes beefore the Procedure, drink 128 Fluid Quarts of this awful, nasty-tasting Special Medicinally-Modified Gastro-Intestinal Cleansing Nectar (which was provided). So at mostly exactly at 4:32 this morning, I did that.

Geeeeeeeeze.

I’m not gonna tell you what that stuff does to you. You don’t wanna know. I’m just gonna say that I never want to drink that stuff again. Ever. It does things to you, terrible things I’m just not gonna discuss. At all.

Anyway, I did that, then I showed up right on time. So far, I’ve been waiting over three hours and 73 minutes already (they seem to bee running ahead of the normal schedule), bit I’m still sitting here, doing my best to bee a mostly patient Patient, patiently waiting in the Pre-Procedural Waiting Chamber deep inside the Hive Clinic, and trying not to think about what’s about to happen. (My Stinger Area is already highly sore - and again, I don’t wanna talk about that.)

At the moment, about nine other bees (who also hafta have Colonoscopies) and I are all just waiting, trying not to look at each other like everybody always does when they’re patients patiently waiting in a Waiting Chamber. We’re all hoping that Nurse Beeatrice will finally appear from beehind that large, scary-looking door where all that screaming was coming from, and call our Number, which I hope she does amazingly soon.

The last time any of us saw her, which was about an hour ago, she came out carrying a large platter of Cookies and asked, “Would anyone here like to enjoy a warm, delicious, freshly-baked Complementary HoneyChew Krisp Cookie while you’re waiting?” They smelled so good. Of course, everybody raised their wings beecause everybody’s highly hungry. Nurse Beeatrice just kind of laughed and said, “Well that’s just too bad, beecause if you had read your Informational Packet, you’d know you cannot eat until after your Procedure. Shame on you for asking. In the meantime, your number will bee called shortly, probably.” Then she took all the Cookies and disappeared beehind that large, scary-looking door again.

That’s so mean, isn’t it?

I dunno if anybody else has had to have a Colonoscopy, but I can’t help but notice that it’s not even slightly pleasant, and playing little jokes like that doesn’t make it any better, now does it? Seriously now.

Oh lucky me! Can this bee? Nurse Beeatrice just called my Number and told me (in a not-all-that-nice way) to “get off the Device and Hurry Up”, or I’d lose my turn to bee Oscopied. So I gotta go. I’d let you know how everything comes out with all this, but I already said, I don’t wanna get into that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there.

24

So there I was, watching the final moments of the Pan-Hive Pollen-Hurling Semi-Quarter Nationals (it was a great Game, even if Detroit did lose, again), getting all excited to watch the next Episode of “The Misadventures of Bimini Fatswaggle: A Tale of Woe” that was supposed to start at 8. (I was anxious to find out if Bimini was going to get away with his ruse to convince the Priest that he is not the Bimini Fatswaggle from Bavaria as suspected, but the Bimini Fatswaggle who is the world-renown Nectar Aficionado). But did it start at 8? No, it did not. Instead, somebody decided that it would bee a really great idea to broadcast a bunch of Post-Game Player Interviews. Personally, I think that was a really not good idea.

Have you ever listened to these Interviews? Have you?

First, we all have just finished watching the Game, so we already know what happened, probably, right? Right. So why would anybody think we need to listen to a bunch of Interviews and spend a bunch more time with the whole thing again? It was highly unnecessary.

The On-Field Interviewer asked the first Player she interviewed, “It looked like you were struggling a bit during the First Half, but you came on strong later in the Game to win. Congratulations. How do you feel about tonight’s face-off? ” 

The Player said, “I feel good. I feel real good. I think we struggled during the First Half, but things came together for us in the Second Half. We had some Challenges going into tonight - the Pollen was a bit more sticky than normal - but we all worked hard and pulled together as a Team. It was a tough game, but we’ve got a real good Team, a real good Team, and I know we all feel real good about our win.”

Okay, fine. It was time for my Stories to come on, and this guy just kept talking. He wasn’t even really saying anything all that Informative, but the On-Field Interviewer just wouldn’t stop. For some reason, she decided she needed to interview the Coach, who wasn’t even playing, by the way, the same Question. 

“I feel good. I feel real good,” the Coach said. “I think we struggled during the First Half, but things came together for us in the Second Half. We had some Challenges going into tonight - the Pollen was a bit more sticky than normal - but we all worked hard and pulled together as a Team. It was a tough game, but we’ve got a real good Team, a real good Team, and I know we all feel real good about our win.”

So this went on. And on. And on. The On-Field Interviewer interviewed almost every one of 287 Players who had stuck around, and every, single one of them said the same thing: “I feel good. I feel real good. I think we struggled during the First Half, but things came together for us in the Second Half… .” (You know the rest already, I’m guessing.)

If all that hadn’t been bad enough, then they went to the Commentators in the Control Booth for some Post-Game Analysis. I mean, what’s to analyze? We all know who won the Game and who lost it, so why can’t we just leave it at that? But no. Those guys ended up saying the exact, same things as the Coach and Players did. That was aggravating.

Anyway, by the time the Broadcast ended, it was way too late to show the next Episode I’d been waiting to see, and instead, they showed an old Documentary on the “The Historic Role of Beeswax in Erotic Sculpture”. I’m sure you guessed that I fell asleep during that, and ended up having to go to bed and never finding out whether or not the Priest rats out Bimini. Geeeeeeze.

Luckily, I still have Streaming Services, so I can watch the next Episode any time after 3 this afternoon.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

Have you ever run into somebody you know who just talks too much? You know, those semi-quasi-partially-casually-friendly acquaintances you kinda know who just don’t know when to stop talking? I think we all have.

Isn’t it annoying?

So that happened to me just the other day. There I was, mostly minding my own buzziness, when this little bee named Buzzly (who lives with his Step-Aunt in the Hive) came buzzing up to me and started talking to me like he hadn’t seen me since Queen Jemima’s Post-Inaugural Fizzy Nectar Reception and Mandatory New Leadership Orientation Seminar - and that was an amazingly long time ago. (I think we’ve gone through several Queens since her Reign, but right now, I can’t remember who any of them were.)

“What’s up?” I shouldn’t have asked him, as he smiled at me.

“Funny you should ask,” he said, then he proceeded to buzz on and on for something like an hour and 43 minutes about way, way too many different and Highly Personal Topics beefore he finally stopped and said, “I thought you were dead. I haven’t seen you around for such a very long time.”

How rude is that?

“No, I’m not dead,” I said. “I’ve just been doing a lot of Binge-Watching.”

Of course, that just got him started on the fact that he had also been Binge-Watching the first Season of “The Misadventures of Bimini Fatswaggle: A Tale of Woe”, and how excited he was that they have a character with the same name as his, and how wasn’t it sad that Bimini had refused to heed his, Buzzly’s, advice about not running off to War to avoid facing up to his Terrible Crime, but that if Zelda, Bimini’s Niece, managed to get the Letter to him through the Underground Resistance, maybee he’d change his mind, or not.”

“I dunno,” I said. “I haven’t seen that Episode yet, but that I was sure that the Writers have it all figured out already, probably”, then I told him that he should have a Nice Day.
(My feet were hurting from standing there like that, and I needed to move and go somewhere else but not there.)

“So you should watch that Episode,” Buzzly told me, “and then we should get together for Nectar and talk about it.”

“Well, I…it’s…but, uh, you see I think, uh…” I tried to get out of that.

“Well good. You watch that tonight, and we’ll get together tomorrow over Nectar and that’ll bee great,” he interrupted me. “Okay then.”

Then he just kind of disappeared back into the Hive.

Geeeeeeze.

Of course, I can’t make it tomorrow. First off, tonight, I hafta go to a Meeting of my Hyper-Chronic Awareness of Personal Deficiencies Support Group, which means I’m gonna bee up late, which means I won’t bee getting much sleep and that I’ll already bee tired by the time tomorrow gets here. That’s when the Snark Brothers Window Company is coming over to replace my windows, again. They said they’d bee showing up sometime beetween 6 a.m. and 5:15 p.m., and that they’d call when they’re on their way, or if they can’t make it for some reason. I’m absolutely sure they’ll bee right on time. Hopefully, I won’t fall asleep and miss them, like I did last time. I’m sure I won’t.

Anyway, I can’t leave. I have to stay at home tomorrow, awake, and that’s all there is to that.

I just hope Buzzly doesn’t try to come looking for me, or show up here at my Shoebox. I think, just in case, I need to make a “Please, unless you’re here to repair my windows, do not under any circumstances whatsoever disturb me. Thank You.”-sign.

SO I’m gonna go do that. 

Let’s all remember to bee Highly Careful out there!

Where was I? Oh yeah…

I think it’s completely and 100% safe to say that absolutely everybody can agree that Binge-Watching has beecome an absolute Life Necessity, probably. Oh sure, after you’ve Binge-Watched about 262 Episodes non-stop, you mostly feel like you’ve been dipped in grease, and your Stinger is bent & sore, but it’s usually worth it.

Now, since we all agree on all this, I just hafta point out a few things that need to bee seriously addressed.

As I’m sure everybody already knows already, The Bee Network has just started offering my area Streaming Services. It’s really great, mostly. One of the truly great things about it is that I’ve been able to watch all 87 Seasons of “The Hive Has a Great Deal of Talent”. (SPOILER ALERT: in Season 83, the Ladybug from Brazil who does the Quick-Change Act won. Sadly, though, somebody in the Audience accidentally ate her while she was Backstage, so the Grand Prize went to that Cricket who can hit High A above Middle C. I figured it would bee one or the other, so I guessed right.) After I finished doing that, I started Binge-Watching a new, Limited Production and Budget Series, “The Misadventures of Bimini Fatswaggle: A Tale of Woe”. I’m on Episode 3. I guess it’s okay, but I do have a few problems here with it.

First, is it just me, are my antennae just stuffed up, or is it just really, really hard to hear some of the Dialogue sometimes? I dunno why, but too much of the time I simply can’t HEAR what the Actors are saying. At all. They might as well bee speaking Esperanto or something, and then whisper their lines and mumble so we can’t hear what they’re saying. Do they just not want us to hear what they’re saying, is that it? Are they simply forgetting their lines, so they figure if they mumble and whisper, we won’t notice or something? I want some answers.

So, of course, in order to hear what the Actors are saying, I hafta turn my sound way, way up. Just when it seems I can hear what’s being said, some Unexpected and Borderline Rude Sound Effect suddenly pops up, or the Music kicks in in a highly huge way, and the windows in my Shoebox all shatter, it’s so loud. So far, I’ve had to replace my windows 32 times, which isn’t cheap. I should write the Sponsor, Snark Bros. Windows, and complain. They should stop buying advertising for these Shows until they fix that problem, ya’ know?

And here’s another thing: Why is it that the Camera Crew shoots Night Scenes in the dark and make it impossible to see what’s actually going on? Seriously now. Couldn’t they light a candle, at least, so we don’t just sit there, looking at this black screen? What is THAT all about?

Sometimes it just feels like we’re not supposed to bee able to see or hear things on TV anymore, ya’ know what I mean? And if that’s the case, what’s the point, even?

On top of all of this, sometimes I’m sitting there, Binge-Watching, and everything just stops. Completely. It’s like an Intermission but it’s not an Intermission. And usually, that happens just about when you’re ready to find out if Bimini Fatswaggle is going to run off to the War to escape his Terrible Crime or if his Step Cousin, Buzzly, will convince him to do the right thing and not go along with the Plan to have the Underground Resistance smuggle him out of the country inside a fake piece of amber. But no, we hafta wait until that stupid little Spinny Thing goes away, and even then I end up having to go to bed not knowing what in the hell is about to happen with all this. It’s very rude. It’s like the Streaming Service also doesn’t want you to know what’s going on or what’s going to happen next, ya’ know what I mean? And do they care that you’re losing sleep over the whole mess?
No, they don’t.

The whole thing is highly aggravating, isn’t it?

Still, I suppose that Binge-Watching is better than having to shovel a bunch of snow, or hanging around outside where your wings get all cold and stiff (or maybee even freeze and break off . . . and nobody wants that).

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all remember to bee Highly Careful out there!

So I heard from my Editor yesterday. He was amazingly upset for some reason, so he told me to be in his Office “whenever it pleases you, or by 7 A.M. Sharp, whichever comes first, Or Else”. So I did that.

Once again, when I walked in, he was standing there with his wings on his hips (he has hips … I don’t know any other bee that has hips, but he has them), glaring at me.

“I get oh so tired of asking this, bee,” he said, “but just where in the hell have you been? I’ve been waiting for weeks for you to get me your next Inspirational and Informative Observation, but did you fulfil your Journalistic Obligations to your Beeloved Readers or to ME?”

I was about to try to answer his question when he got in my face and said, “Don’t bother answering that question, bee. NO. No, you DID NOT. Explain yourself.”

“Well, as I was about to say,” I started to explain, “I got stuck waiting somewhere…”.

“Waiting? Waiting for WHAT?” he rudely interrupted me.

“That’s kind of a long story, but while I was waiting, I kinda lost track of time when I started Binge-Watching the first, 87 Seasons of “The Hive Has a Great Deal of Talent”…and I was about finished until you said I had to show up here today. I was just three Episodes away from the end of Season 83 when you interrupted me, so… “.

“So you’re telling me you have Utterly Failed in your Obligation beecause you’ve been buzzy watching TV? Is that what I’m hearing, bee?”

“Well, if you put it that way, I guess I…”.

“Yeah, NO,” he said, pointing his wing in my face like he likes to do. “You’ll bee turning off that TV of yours and by sometime in the middle of the next week or two, you WILL have your next Observation on my Desk - OR ELSE!”

I gotta say I think it’s very unfair of my Editor to try to tell me what to do in my Free Time. It’s also highly unfriendly of him to put me on such an Impossibly Tight Deadline. But as I’ve said beefore, the last thing I wanna bee is “Or Elsed”.

Fine. I’ll put my TV on Pause, for now, and try to come up with another Brilliant Observation to suit him, then maybee I can get back to finding out who wins the Pre-Qualifying Semi-Quarter-Finals in Season 83. (I think it’s gonna bee either the Cricket who can hit High A above Middle C, or that Ladybug who does the Quick-Change Act. Whoever it is, I’m sure the Hive will get it right. As the show likes to remind us, the Hive ALWAYS gets it right. Probably.)

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there.

If you’re anything like me (which I’m mostly sure you are, even if you’re not a bee), it’s very rare that you forget stuff, am I right? Anybody who knows me knows that when it comes to not forgetting to remind myself to remember a bunch of stuff, I’m without question the most reliable bee in entire Universe, mostly.

So imagine my surprise a week or two ago - I can’t remember how long ago it was, but does that matter? - I somehow let it slip my mind that I needed to remember not to forget a Very Important Birthday. Of course, that was a problem. It’s rare that I forget to remember to remind myself to not forget to remember something important, ya’ know? But I guess the really bad thing was that the Very Important Birthday I forgot to remember to remind myself not to forget was my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin’s, Birthday.

And he was pretty upset about the whole thing.

When I tried to explain that I couldn’t recall why I didn’t not forget to remember his Birthday, he didn’t beelieve me. I’m sure you see my problem.

“Uncle Georgie,” he said, when I showed up something like a week late with his Birthday Presents, “you’re the best uncle in the world, and I love you, but it is the Major Consensus around here that you’re beeginning to suffer some sort of Early Onset Beezheimer’s, and that you need to dedicate some serious effort in attaining a Reliable Diagnosis and pursue a rigorous plan for addressing your problem on an Effective Therapeutic Basis.”

“What?” I asked. I got the part about how he loves me and stuff, which I really do appreciate, but he kind of lost me with the rest of whatever it was he said.

“Uncle, you need to go see a doctor about your Memory Problem,” he said.

“What Memory Problem?” I asked, beecause I really wanted to know.

Kevin just rolled his Compound Eyes at me and walked away.

Great Grandma Gee Gee was standing there, listening to the whole thing, so I asked her, “What is he even talking about?”

“Dear,” she said. “I realise this may bee difficult to hear, but I’m afraid Kevin may bee right. It’s not like you to forget somebody’s Birthday, especially Kevin’s, so maybee you should take his Advice and make an appointment with Ph.Bee this week.”

“An appointment for what?” I asked.

“To have your Memory Problem checked out, dear,” she said.

“What Memory Problem?” I asked.

Then she just let out a soft buzz and said, “oh dear”, then went back to baking her delicious and highly satisfying HoneyChew Krisp™ Cookies.

Which reminds me: I’m out of those. I need to remember to not forget to put it on my List of Things To Do to get more of those, and I’m gonna do that just as soon as I find it. I know it’s around here somewhere.

And hey! Ya’ know what today is? I just realised that it’s Monday today, the Best Day of the Week! I’m so glad I didn’t forget to remember THAT. Proof that whoever tried to say that I have a Memory Problem is completely, utterly, 110%, and totally wrong, probably.


Okay then.

Let’s all remember to bee Highly Careful out there!

I didn’t, so I asked, “What?” I really wanted to know.

“It’s come to my attention that you have been largely absent
from your Duties at this Publication during this Hot Season.”
“Really?” I asked him, “I’m not sure that’s entirely true,” I told him.
“I’ve been here the entire time, and so far, nobody else has 
complained at all, probably.”

“WRONG, bee. We’ve had a LOT of complaints over the fact that
you don’t seem to want to bee bothered to offer your Beeloved
Readers your questionably valuable Insights on any sort of 
dependable basis. That is unacceptable. Your Job Performance
has been Highly Deficient, and I won’t have it!”

He kind of went on like that for awhile, accusing me of doing
nothing but laying around the entire Season and eating a bunch
of HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ and beeing constiplated, then he 
said, “Listen up, bee: YOU will have your next Assignment on MY
DESK promptly at some point next week and have it ready for
publication... OR ELSE! Now get out of my Office!”

I really don’t like it when he gets like that, but there wasn’t much
I could say other than, “Fine.” I will say it was very nice getting
out of his Office and I really wished I could have left a lot sooner.
The whole experience just wasn’t pleasant. At all. 

Does anybody else think my Job Performance has been Highly 
Deficient? Yeah, I didn’t think so, either. 

Anyway, it looks like I’m gonna hafta’ spend the next few days
trying to figure out what the hell my next Assignment is (my
Editor wasn’t specific at all), so I should probably go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there. 

So the other day, when I was visiting the Hive, I ran into Ultra Violet. I hadn’t seen her in a very long time. She had just gotten a new Digital Ukulele and was working on some new material she wants to share at this year’s End of the Hot Season Pollen Fest. The stuff she was playing made me want to dance, mostly, but I felt so unbeelievably sluggish, I could only sit there, tap my foot, and moan. 

When she noticed that I was not feeling myself, she asked, “What’s the matter, Georgie? Why aren’t you dancing?”
“I don’t feel all that well,” I told her.
“You do look awfully bloated,” she said. “What’s that all about?”
“I think I overdid it last night when I ate that quadruple batch of Great Grandma Gee Gee’s delicious and marginally nutritious Royal HoneyChew Krisp™ Cookies. They’re just too delicious to stop eating.”
“Yes, they are,” she agreed, “but I think I have something here that will help you out.” Then she handed me a little, plastic vial of some sort of clear liquid.
“What is it?” I had to know.
“It’s a Laxative. I’m sure that will solve your problem. Just go back to your Shoe Box, set aside a few hours when you won’t bee disturbed, and drink this with exactly 87 acorn caps full of Diluted Nectar. You’ll bee feeling better in no time, probably.”

So I did that. And while I was sitting there, I noticed I suddenly felt Inspired. I decided the best thing to do would bee add to my Body of Literary Work by penning another Insightfully Observational Poem. I call it…

“The Fountainhead”

Oh Bloatation, bloating bloatativity,
you make me feel all bloated and fat,
and I’m just not sure how to deal with that.
But Hark! 
A Laxative this way comes!
I choke its tangy liquid down
and then I wait, but not for long,
for soon bursts forth a gurgling sound,
bursting forth and bursting forth,
and bursting forth until I say,
“This is how I’ll spend my day”.

-g.bee, 2018

I hafta say that I’m feeling much better today, especially since it’s Monday which I know we all agree is the Best Day of the Week. I’m thinking that there’s no better way to celebrate a Monday than to enjoy a nice batch of Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™. So I’m gonna go get some. And also maybee some more of that Laxative, just in case.

Until I return, then . . .

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

19

As I’m sure everybody already knows, I am an amazingly accomplished Poet. For a long time now, I’ve been offering my special brand of Astute Poetic Ponderings to almost dozens of mostly Adoring Fans in Hives around the World, giving them a Glimpse inside the True Romantic that is me, Georgie Bee.

Well, the other day, I decided to share my Latest Poetic Masterpiece with the Hive here. I made sure I had a highly visible copy of it, then I pinned it up on the Hive’s “NEWS, INFORMATION, and LOST & FOUND” Bulletin Board, then I just stood back to bask in the Joy as I watched the Raw Emotions sweep over the faces of my Adoring Fans as they’d read it.

I think I was standing there for about two hours and 17 minutes beefore some bee (I dunno who he is) finally stopped and, after he read some Ad for someone trying to find the owner of a pair of Misplaced Argyle Antennae Cozies, he spotted my Poem.

I was so excited as I watched his face take on an expression of Utter Amazement. Finally, he buzzed for some of his buddies to come hear what I had so generously shared.

“Hey, guys!” he said. “Ya’ gotta hear this. You won’t beelieve it.” So they came over to the Bulletin Board and stood there while he started reading my Poem out loud:

“An Ode to a New Morning

Oh, flowers, with your Blossomy Blooms,
and Polleny Nectar that’s sweet as the Moon
light shining on the curve of my Spoon,
how I wish you weren’t gone so soon.
And when you fade, 
I pull my Shade
and in secret delight
eat the Casserole I made
from your pollen
in the dim light of the day
when I hear the Night Bird calling:
“Ka-ree, ka-ree,” says the Bird,
though I don’t understand a word
of what he’s saying or why,
which makes me want to cry, 
tears falling from my Compound Eyes
like Stones,
so oft I say as I dally,
‘I think we are in Vorroa Mite’s Alley,
where the Dead Bees lost their bones. 
But No! No!' I say. ‘Rejoice! Rejoice!
The New Morning’s Sun
will soon bee Hois-ted!’

- g.bee 2018”

“Who IS this Georgie Bee?” I heard him ask. I was surprised when nobody seemed to know who I was, so I walked up, tapped him on his wing and introduced myself, “Me. I am Georgie Bee.” I told him. “THE Georgie Bee,” I added, knowing he was finally meeting the Actual, Real Me.

“So you wrote this?” he asked.

“Yes, I did,” I said proudly.

“Well, pardon me for saying so, but it just sucks. It is truly horrible. I think this is perhaps the worst attempt at Poetry I have ever had the grave misfortune of encountering in my lifetime. I think I’d rather have my wings slowly pulled off than to listen to stuff like this. Were you actually serious when you wrote this?”

For some reason, the other bees seemed to agree with him.

Geeeeeeeze. What was I supposed to say to that?

Instead of saying anything back to that Rude Bee, I pointed my left wing toward the Queen’s Chambers and buzzed really loudly, “WOAH! Look at THAT!” When they all turned around to look at what was going on, I left. Really fast.

Has anybody else run into something like this - somebody deciding they needed to give you their Opinion about something when you didn’t even ask for it at all? How rude is that? Seriously now. Don’t ya’ think that kind of Opinion Sharing is entirely unnecessary? I do.

Anyway, after I got home, I decided to spend a bunch of time by myself hiding inside that little hole that’s just next to my Shoe Box, thinking, and after Careful Consideration of that highly rude Unsolicited Opinion Episode, I’ve decided that I’m going to work even harder to write even more Poetry. Then I’m going to post it on the Hive Bulletin Board with a note that says, “Sorry, No Unsolicited Opinions Allowed Unless They’re Nice”. I am absolutely, positively sure that, one of these days, that Very Rude Bee will bee buzzing out of the other side of his face.

Probably.

As soon as I’m ready to publish more Inspiring Verse, I’ll letcha’ know. Until then . . .

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

A Note to my Beeps and Adoring Fans:

I just need to say that, apparently, SOME of my Beeps aren’t doing a very good job of understanding my point about Unsolicited Opinions. I say that, beecause it has been pointed out to me that maybee a few things in my Poetic Masterpiece may not bee completely accurate. While it’s true that we bees do not have bones, and that we also don’t have tear ducts, I remain mostly confident that most of my Adoring Fans, unlike the unnamed critic to whom I refer, are not only highly intelligent, but they understand what Artistic Licence is. Seriously now.

So I woke up this morning and after about three acorn caps full of my Morning Nectar, I realised that today is the First Day of the New Hot Season! I’m pretty sure just about everybody else was asking themselves the exact, same important question I was asking myself this morning: How many Mondays are we going to get to enjoy in this Hot Season?

I couldn’t find my Calendar anywhere, so I figured the only way to get a precisely correct and necessary answer to that question was to turn to a mostly-reliable Authority. Of course, we all know that had to bee my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin’s, Robotic iBee, Bert. So after I managed to straighten out my left Antenna (I slept on it funny last night), I buzzed over to his Boot Box.

“Happiest of Happy First Day of the New Hot Season, uncle,” Kevin said when I got there. “My schedule seriously cannot accommodate any Surprise Visits today, and even though I think you’re the best uncle in the world, and I love you, this Unexpected Intrusion had better bee Highly Important.”

“It is,” I told him. “It is Imperative that I speak with Bert. I am in serious need of some Reliable Information, and I know he is the only source I can completely trust, probably.”

“Fine,” Kevin said, then he disappeared into his Work Space and after about five minutes, he returned carrying Bert’s head (he still hasn’t gotten around to fully reassembling Bert yet).

“So ask your question, then please leave,” Kevin told me.

So I did that. I asked Bert, “Bert? How many Mondays will we bee enjoying in this New Hot Season?”

Bert’s head clicked and buzzed for a few seconds, then he finally spoke.

“Today is Thursday, June 21, 2018. The local time is 10:14 and 36…37…38 seconds and counting. The Outdoor Air Temperature is a balmy 293.3722 Degrees Kelvin, and at least two out of the three of us have better things to do today than to hang around answering Suspicious Questions. However, since it seems I have no choice but to address your Query, according to my Infinitely Accurate Calculations, there will be precisely 13 Mondays in this, the New Hot Season.”

“Satisfied, uncle?” Kevin asked.

“Not really. That doesn’t seem like very many Mondays to me,” I told him.

“Not my problem,” Kevin told me, then he told me to leave, go back to my Shoe Box, and let him get on with his Day.

So I did that.

I’m sure we’ll all agree that 13 Mondays is not very many Mondays, is it? And I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that I wish we had more than that. In fact, if you ask me, I think we’re getting Short-Changed on Mondays. Everybody knows there are 53 Mondays in all the four Seasons put together - and this Hot Season, we’re only getting 13 of those. That leaves something like 40 Mondays we’re NOT gonna enjoy this Hot Season. Is that even fair?

I don’t think so.

And worse than all that is the fact that we’re all gonna hafta wait four more days (counting today) beefore it’s finally Monday again. Seriously now. What the hell are we supposed to do beetween now and then? I need to know.

I think I’m gonna spend the rest of my day thinking about that. If I manage to come up with any bright ideas about what to do with Non-Monday Days - especially when they involve a Saturday and a Sunday - I’ll letcha know. Until then . . .

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

17

I hafta say that I’m feeling exceedingly lucky today. Not only is it Monday, my favourite day of the week, but it’s
also my Birthday! And, in case you’re wondering, I’m 42.
It seems like only yesterday that I was 41.

Ya’ know, when I think about it that way, it makes it feel like time is going by far too fast. It feels like it wasn’t that long ago that I was just learning to fly, but now, here I am, waking up every morning hoping my wings will even work. (They feel kinda stiff these days for some reason. What’s that all about?)

I also hafta say that my Antennae are definitely not as flexible as they used to bee, I can’t eat as many of Great Grandma Gee Gee’s highly nutritious Royal HoneyChew Krisp™ Cookies without feeling way Bloated and having to deal with a bunch of Digestive Issues, and when I watch my Stories on TV, everything seems Highly Blurry.

I’m pretty sure the Producers of my Stories aren’t doing as good a job of focusing their cameras as well as they used to. For example, I was watching the Season Semi-Finale, Part 3, of “Escape from Bee Island: The Curse of Roy” with my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, last night, and not only was the picture Highly Blurry, but it seemed as if everybody on the Show were softly humming their lines. I could barely hear what anybody was saying, mostly. (Luckily, I have Subtitles on TV, but those looked blurry to me, also.)

When I asked Kevin if everything looked Highly Blurry and sounded Super Muffled to him, he said, “No. Not at all. The Image Quality of this particular model of television has yet to bee surpassed by any other unit on the market today, and the Tri-Dimensional Immersive Surround Sound is second to none. I suspect the Problem is on your end.”

Geeeeeeze. I can’t stand it when I’m blamed for Poor Production Quality, ya’ know what I mean?

Then he said, “You know, Uncle Georgie, you’re the best Uncle in the world, and I love you, but I think you need to go have your eyes checked. All five of them.”

Fine.

So earlier this morning, I decided to take Kevin’s Advice and visit the Hive Physician, Ph.Bee, and ask him all about this. He looked me over, pulled on my wings, bent my Antennae, checked my Fuzz Density, and poked me with something sharp a bunch of times (“I need to do Fluid Level Tests,” he said).

After he was done, he said, “Everything looks Normal”.

“Normal?” I needed some clarification.

“Correct,” he said. “For a bee of your Advanced Age and Questionable Temperament, everything looks Normal.”

Then he told me to have a nice day, and pay on my way out.

So I did that.

I think I’m gonna spend the rest of my Birthday trying to figure out how it’s possible for me to bee Normal when I don’t feel anything like I used to, which I still think should bee Normal. It’s just not Normal. Seriously now. I just hope things don’t get any more Normal than they are now, ya’ know what I mean? There’s just no way to keep up with it, probably, especially if I get any older than I already am.
It’s all way too confusing, if you ask me.

If I remember not to forget to remind myself to tell you, I’ll letcha know if I manage to figure out what it even means to bee Normal. Until then…

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

So I was out buzzing around the other day, trying to find this one, particular bunch of especially wonderful flowers that, for as long as I can remember, grew just over the Garden Wall. I remember it takes about as much time as it takes to hum out about three choruses of “I’ll Bee Glad When You’re Dead, You Rascal You” to get there, usually. For some reason, though, I’d already sung five choruses of that thing and I still couldn’t find them.

Fortunately, I remembered not to forget to bring my Map with me, so I decided to just stop and get my bearings. When I landed, I noticed that there were two Worker Bees from a nearby, competing Hive, just kind of standing there. Evidently, they were on a break.

“Excuse me,” I asked them, “but could you help me out here?”

“Help you out? Do we look like some sort of Public Aid and Information Society to you?” one of them asked.

“Don’t bee so snide with the guy, ,” the other one, who seemed much more pleasant, said to her companion. “It’s pretty obvious he’s confused. And he’s a bee, so maybe we should help him out.”

“Whatever,” the other one said.

“So what can we help you with, Sugar,” the Pleasant Bee asked. I was going to tell her my name is Georgie, and that I don’t like anybody who doesn’t know calling me, “Sugar” (I think it’s rude), but I didn’t feel like pressing my luck, so I just asked her, “There always used to bee a really great bunch of flowers that grew here. They had the sweetest nectar and pollen that was a true delicacy. I wanted to grab some of that so I can make myself a Slow-Baked Honey Crusted Pollen Casserole for supper tonight.”

“That sounds delicious,” the More Pleasant Bee said.

“It is,” I told her. Then I told her that I couldn’t find those things, told her I thought I might bee lost, and asked if she knew where they might bee.

“I could not possibly say whether you’re lost or not, Sweetums,” she said, “but I know exactly the flowers you’re talking about, and I can tell you that they’re not there anymore.”

“So they’re gone?” I asked.

“‘So they’re gone?’” the Snide Bee said, evidently trying to sound like me. (She didn’t’.) “Yeah, they’re gone. Finished. Done. No longer there. Absent. Lost, never to return again.”

“But I thought they’d bee there forever. They always were,” I informed her. “I mean, I always think that most of the stuff I really like will just always bee there all the time forever, probably.”

“So you thought they’d bee there forever?” that Snide Bee asked, (kind of sarcastically, if you ask me). “Did you honestly think that if a specific bunch of flowers grow somewhere for awhile, they’re ALWAYS going to grow there, is that it, bee? What are you? Some sort of Serial Optimist or something?”

“Well, I ...” I started to say.

“Oh, Sandy,” the Pleasant Bee said, “don’t bee so rude. He was just asking.”

“Whatever,” the Snide Bee said. “I just can’t beelieve there are bees out there who haven’t figured out that Nothing Lasts Forever. Seriously now.”

The Pleasant Bee just kind of gave the Snide Bee a sideways glance and suggested that we should just drop the whole matter, and that they should leave and get back to work. So they did that.

You know, when I think about all this, it might bee Highly Overly Optimistic to think that just beecause something has been around for a long time that it will always bee around. I mean, a long time ago, I remember thinking that it would never stop raining and that we’d always have more water than we need. Wow, was I wrong about that one. And I also remember thinking that we’d never get rid of all those Toxic Paper Spoons the Snark Brothers kept trying to sell, but we finally did. Mostly. And what about Great Grandma Gee Gee’s delicious and satisfying Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™? Does all this mean there might bee a time in the exceedingly distant future when there might NOT bee any of those left? Seriously? I refuse to beelieve that - so maybee I am a Serial Optimist, whatever that means.

Geeeeze. The Implications surrounding this whole idea that Nothing Lasts Forever are making me feeling exceedingly confused and a bit insecure. I don’t like feeling insecure. At all.

I need to think a lot more about all of this. If I have anything more to say about any of it, I’ll let you know. Until then...

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

I’m pretty sure this is Monday, right? And, as we’ll all agree,
Monday is the Most Optimistic Day of the Week.

As everybody already knows, I’m a very Optimistic Bee, so
of course I love Mondays. (I used to bee more Pessimistic
when I was younger, but fortunately, I was in a Clinical Trial
that allowed my Doctor, (Ph.Bee), to do an Experimental Semi-
Radical Pessi-Ectomy to surgically remove my Pessimism.
Luckily, the Operation was a Success, mostly.

After the difficult Procedure was done, Ph.Bee said, “We didn’t
get it all, but we did our best. We’re not gods.”

Anyway, ever since then, I always think that everything will bee
just fine, generally speaking, which is why I’m sure we’ll all glad
that it’s Monday.

I mention all this beecause just now, I was standing around
the Hive Entrance, waiting for somebody who didn’t ever show
up (which is okay beecause it will give me time to go to
Bees ‘R Us and buy some new Shoelaces . . . I thought I had a
whole bunch of those things somewhere, but for some reason,
I can’t find any of them, so I hafta go get new ones).

As I was standing there, waiting, two bees flew by, and I heard
one of them (who sounded Super-Upset) buzzing about a Near-
Fatal Pine Sap Mishap she’d had the night beefore when she was
flying in her sleep.

“When I woke up, I realised that I had flown head-first into a
giant wad of Sap that was oozing from that nearby Pine Tree…”

“The one that’s two bushes down from the Hive, the big one?”
the other bee asked.

“Yes, that’s the one,” she said.

“Oh yes. That one has a Sap Problem,” the other bee said.

“Anyway, when I woke up,” she continued, “I realised that my
Antennae had gotten all stuck in that stuff,” she said.
“Fortunately, a massive gust of wind came up and I was finally
able to free myself from that Sticky Mess. I’m lucky to bee alive.”

Then the other one said, “Well, you know what they say:
‘For every Dark Cloud, there’s a Silver Lining’.”

Well YEAH, I think we all know that. But for some reason,
I couldn’t figure out what the hell a Dark Cloud had to do with
the whole thing, even if it did have a Silver Lining. The Problem
wasn’t with Cloudy Weather, it was with Pine Sap.

I dunno if anybody else has had a Mishap with Pine Sap,
but I’m sure that if you have, all you need is the Proper Solvent.
Problem solved, probably. Silver Linings are fairly useless when
it comes to dealing with that kind of a Sticky Mess. Oh sure, it
would bee helpful to have the extra Light that a Silver Lining
gives off beecause it would bee easier to see what you’re doing,
but that’s about it.

But then I thought, “Hold on now wait just a minute here.”
“If I had a Pine Sap Mishap in the middle of the night, I’d want
a whole bunch of Silver Linings to show up so I could see.”

The problem with that is that every Silver Lining has a
Dark Cloud that comes with it, which would only make
things even darker and make it even more difficult to see
anything. And who needs that?

I don’t.

This whole thing is highly confusing.

In the end, I decided that if I happen to have a Pine Sap Mishap
in the middle of the night, which is highly likely, I’ll just use a
High-End Flashlight so I can see what I’m doing.
I see no reason to bring this question of Dark Clouds and
Silver Linings into it, do you? I didn’t think so.

I think that when I buzz over to Bees ‘R Us for my Shoelaces,
I’m gonna pick up one of those. I should also probably get some
Sap Solvent while I’m there, just in case.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

So, I’ve just been thinking about the fact that there seem
to bee a whole bunch of really Bad Ideas running around
out there. I’m mostly sure you’ve noticed stuff like that,
things like deciding to spray poison on your food, or
wearing too much “Beewitched, Bothered & Beewildered”
Cologne when you’re in an elevator, or trying to sell overly-
heavy Antennae Cozies that make it impossible to fly.

The reason I started thinking about Bad Ideas was that I
recently paid another visit to my Illegitimate Nephew,
Kevin. Beelieve it or not, he’s still futzing with Bert, his
Robot iBee, trying to get him to function properly.
(Actually, he’s just futzing with his head. The rest of Bert
is still in a pile in the corner of Kevin’s Workroom in the
old Boot Box.)

Anyway, the last time I was over there, Kevin had a huge
smile on his face, which made me kinda nervous.

“Uncle,” he buzzed proudly, “I have just come up with an
Idea that promises to make each and every one of us
immortal!”

“You did?” I had to ask.

“Yes, I did,” he said. “It took me some time, and I’m still
not finished with the Finalised Design Schematics, but
I have managed to apply my considerable Analytical
Skills and Formidable Intellect to seeing to it that you,
I, Great Grandma Gee and everybody else we know can
live forever.”

“You did?” I asked again.

“Yes, I did, uncle. As I have been engaged in Extensive
Experimentation in my efforts to revive Bert to Full
Functionaity, I stumbled upon a method though which
one can physically transplant a fully functional, intact
Bee Brain into an inexpensive, Thought-Sustaining Brain Receptacle...”

“Like a Jar?” I asked.

“Yes, you could call it a Jar, I suppose...” he continued.
“The Jar - we’ll call it that for now - would mostly safely
house the Transplanted Bee Brain, and through a Complex
Network of Advanced Circuitry, Neural Links, Sensory
Input/Output Devices, and carefully-formulated, non-toxic
and reasonably delicious Preservation Fluid, the brain would
continue to function normally forever.

"Never again would bees need to bee bothered every again
with Bodily Injury, Varroa Mites, Overcrowding, or the
Insane Pursuit of Honey and Nectar. Just think of it, uncle:
we all could live out our lives without beeing heavily
inconvenienced by such things.”

“No Honey?” I asked. “We wouldn’t have Honey anymore?
No HoneyCakes? No Nectartinis? No HoneyChew Krisp Cookies?”

“No,” Kevin said in a kind of matter-of-fact tone. “We would
need none of those things ever again, and we wouldn’t ever
again need to spend the time, energy, or funds to acquire such
Unnecessary Stuff.”

“Yeah, but...no Honey?” I couldn’t beelieve what I was
hearing. I don’t know ANYBODY who thinks that Honey
is unnecessary, do you?

“No,” Kevin repeated. “You won’t need it anymore.”

Then he said, “In light of what I have just told you, I would
very much appreciate it if you, my dear uncle whom I love
and think is the best uncle in the world, would bee my
First Test Subject.”

“You want to put my brain in a Jar?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said. “You will bee a Pioneer, destined to bee
the first Immortal Bee ever to exist. It’s an honour anyone
would enthusiastically embrace.”

Well, I thought about it for a moment. I do want to
support my Illegitimate Nephew in his Inventive Efforts,
but I finally told Kevin that I thought the whole thing was
a bad idea, and that I wouldn’t do it. After all, what’s the
point of anything if there isn’t Honey involved? I’d like to
know.

“I do appreciate the offer,” I told him. “You are the best
Illegitimate Nephew in the world, and I love you, but I
won’t do it. Don’t get me wrong here, I would love to live
forever and everything, but... that whole part about no
Honey doesn’t sound overly appealing to me.”

Kevin just gave me an angry look and buzzed at me.
“Fine!” he said. “Go ahead. Stand in the way of Progress.”
Then he stomped off.

Seriously now, I wouldn’t want my brain stuffed into a Jar,
probably. Would you?

Anyway, in just a little while, Kevin is holding a Potential
Investor’s Meeting to try to convince at least a few bees to
go along with this whole Bad Idea. Of course, I told him
I’d help him out with that. (Every Potential Investor’s
Meeting needs Ushers, right?)

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there …
(especially with Bad Ideas)!

I noticed something interesting the other day. I suddenly noticed that some amongst us who simply have too much to say. And it doesn’t matter what the Topic might bee - they just have too much to say about it.

Take Bert, my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin’s, Artificially-Intelligent Robot iBee - or what’s left of him (as we all know, Bert was drastically wounded when one of those cheap Air Conditioning Units the Snark Brothers installed in the Hive last year fell on top of him . . . ever since then, Kevin’s been trying to piece him back together). Anyway.

I found it necessary to pay Kevin a visit to return the latest copy of the weekly Bee Monthly Issue the other day. I had planned to just buzz in, drop it off, and leave right away; unfortunately, when I walked in, Kevin was holding Bert’s head and he said, “Hey Uncle Georgie, I think I’ve almost managed to get Bert’s Negatronic Brain functioning properly, but I need you to help me run a few, minor tests.”

How could I say no? He’s my Illegitimate Nephew, after all.

“First,” Kevin said, “I need to ask you to ask Bert how he’s doing.”

So I did that. Then Bert (or his head, really) started to hum, his eyes lit up and he started to talk.

“How am I, you ask?” he said. “I will tell you. I am doing fine. My Negatronic Circuits are Sequencing beeyond even the most optimistic projections, and my Sensors are functioning at Maximum Capacity,” he said.

“I’m glad to hear that,” I said (beecause I was…Bert hadn’t been feeling that well after his Air Conditioner Mishap).

“On such a day as this,” he continued, “Wednesday, April 18, 2018 as recorded on the Gregorian Calendar, and at the Current Local Time, which is precisely Nine Hours, 27 Minutes, and 87 Seconds…88 seconds…89 seconds… MARK.”

“Okay, thanks, Bert,” I said, hoping he was done. He wasn’t.

“The Current Outside Temperature…”, he wouldn’t stop talking. “… is a balmy 281.483 Degrees Kelvin. The Relative Humidity is a Delightfully Tolerable 13.11%. The Surrounding Air Mass is traveling at a leisurely 0.2 Kilometres Per Hour at our present location…”.

“Okay, alright,” I said. “That’s about all the Information I need, so you can stop now.”

But he didn’t.

“… and a slightly more brisk 5.3 Kilometres Per Hour outside the confines of the Structure which we currently occupy… “ then his voice trailed off for just a second before he kept talking.

“You know,” he said in a Wistful Whine, “I miss my body. I really do. And do you know one of the first things I’d do if I were still all put together? Let me tell you: I ‘d… .”

Just then, Kevin stepped in and switched him off.

“I think,” he said, “Bert still has a few bugs. He’s never been that Overly Informative beefore.”

“Whatever,” I said, then gave Kevin back his copy of the latest weekly Issue of Bee Monthly, which (I probably forgot to mention) I had borrowed from him, and left.

So now, I’m Highly Informed.

Speaking of which . . . one thing I now know, and am glad that I remembered, is that tomorrow is ButterCup’s Birthday. I buzzed over to see her while she was on her break from the Hive’s Redundant Typing Pool the other
day and she asked me if I was gonna forget that again this year, and would I please stop running around telling everybody how old she is (I’ll just say she’s younger than I am), and that underneath all that makeup, she’s actually blue. Anybody who knows me knows that I know when to share and NOT to share, so…

“I would never reveal such Delicate Information, ButterCup,” I told her. “And OF COURSE I’ll remember your birthday! Geeeeeze.”

She just gave me a funny look and went back to her
Redundant Typing.

I need to remember that tomorrow, that it’s ButterCup’s
Birthday. I’m sure I will, probably. I also need to come up with some sort of Massively Unexpected and Useful Surprise for her. Something spectacular. Something that someone turning 29 would need and appreciate.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

Am I just imagining this? Or is it possible that I have just awakened on my Absolutely Favourite Day of the Week?

It’s Monday, right? Oh I do hope so.

You’re probably not going to beelieve this, but I really wasn’t planning on sleeping in as long as I have. Seriously.

Fortunately, just a little while ago, I had to get up to go to the bathroom. That’s when I found that “Things To Do on the First Day of the New Warm Season” I left myself beefore I decided to go Dormant. Beeing the Responsible bee that I am, I decided to stay awake and do what the List said I should do.

The first thing on the List was:

“A: PAY POWER BILL DUE MARCH 28th!”

I was sure I’d bee awake in plenty of time to do that. Apparently, I wasn’t. I suppose that helps explain why it’s so cold in here.

I called the S.P.& L. (Snark Power & Light) to get my Power (and my Personal Space Heater) turned back on, and told them that it was a total oversight on my part and that after all this time, they should have known I was planning to pay my Bill.

“Bee,” they said, “The Road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions.”

“Fine,” I said, and I paid my bill, so at least my heat’s back on.

The next thing on the List was:

“2. ENJOY A NUTRITIOUS & HIGHLY INFORMATIVE BREAKFAST”

I think we all know that 15 out of every 63 Entomologists recommend starting a New Season with a Hearty, Satisfying, Highly-Informed Breakfast, so I was gonna do that.
I was gonna sit down with a copy of the latest Issue of Bee Monthly Magazine over a pleasingly warm Acorn Cap full of Morning Nectar, some delightfully festive Pollen Flakes, and start Waking Up.

Of course, when I went to fix myself Breakfast, I noticed I was completely out of those delicious Top O’ The Mornin’™ High Protein Gluten-Free Dandelion-Flavoured Pollen Flakes. So. No breakfast.

Then I noticed that I didn’t have the latest, weekly copy of Bee Monthly Magazine I’d planned to read over Breakfast. (Evidently, at some point beetween when I fell asleep and I woke up, I completely forgot to remember to remind myself to send in that Discount Coupon for 87% Off a Renewal to “Bee Monthly” beefore my Subscription expired, which it apparently did just three days ago.) So now, I actually don’t know what’s going on. At all. And I had fully Intended to know. That’s just who I am.

Honestly, you’d think for as long as I’ve subscribed to that Publication, they’d know I wanted to renew my Subscription, but no. They cancelled it, so I called them to give them a Piece of My Mind, which I can barely spare at this particular point in time.

“You should have known I would get around to renewing my Subscription,” I told them. “I always have beefore,” I told them.

“Bee,” they said, “the Road to Hell is paved with Good Intentions.”

“Fine,” I said.

Then they told me that beefore they would Resume Delivery of their Fine Publication, I hafta go to their Offices in person, that I hafta bring at least three forms of ID, provide them with a Letter of Certification of Current Address, and pay a “Resumption of Delivery & Reinstatement of Lapsed Subscription Fee” beefore they’d get around to delivering the Latest Issue. They also said that I’m gonna lose my Inaugural Subscribers’ Subscription Rate, and NO, they wouldn’t accept the Discount Coupon I found in my Sock Drawer this morning for 87% Off a “Seasonal Subscription”.

“That expired 22 minutes ago,” they said. Geeeeeeze.

Seriously now.

Until they finally get around to starting Delivery again (which they told me would take “six to ten weeks to process”), it appears that I’m going to bee Uninformed. That’s highly unacceptable.

So I decided to buzz over to the old Boot Box and ask my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin (who’s still living there with Great Grandma Gee Gee, Gladys HoneyWings, and the Semi-Functional Remains of Bert, Kevin’s Robotic iBee), if I could just borrow the Latest Issue so I can find out what’s actually going on out there.

“Why? You’re not a Subscriber?” he asked. “That surprises me, uncle. Heretofore, I had always regarded you as beeing one of the more Highly Informed Bees around here. I don’t mean to sound insulting, but I find this revelation to bee very disappointing. Are you able to explain yourself?”

So I told him what had happened, told him that YES, I’m a Subscriber, that YES, I’m usually Highly Informed, told him it was never my intention that any of this would happen, then I asked him again if I could just borrow his copy.

“Of course you may,” he said. “but I will have to point out that, even though you’re the best uncle in the world, and I love you, you’re going to have to start beeing more responsible with your Good Intentions, though I suppose it may bee possible you meant well. Still, the Road to Hell, uncle,” he said, “is paved with Good Intentions.”

I’m pretty sure I had heard that somewhere beefore.

Anyway. After he warned me not to “crease or leave unsightly Wing Marks on the pages”, Kevin gave me his copy of this week’s Issue of Bee Monthly and I left.

Trust me when I say that I plan to read that sometime in the extremely near future and try to find out what’s going on out there. I’m gonna do that right after I catch up on my Stories (I just realised that I hafta watch something like 14of this Season’s “Escape from Bee Island” Episodes - and I hafta watch those beefore the Season Finale tonight!)

Still, I’m sure I’ll get around to catching up on my reading,
and of course, I’ll letcha’ know what I find out.

Until then, let’s all be Highly Careful out there!

So I was sound asleep inside my warm, cozy Shoe Box until
just now,when I was woken up by a bunch of noise outside.
I didn’t want to,but I got up, opened up my front door, and
asked a nearby squirrelwho was loudly crunching on one of
last year’s acorns what’s going on.

“What’s going on?” I asked him. “What’s all the noise about?”
“You don’t know?” he mumbled (it’s rude to talk with your
mouth full, but he did it anyway).
“No,” I told him.
“It’s the First Day of the New Warm Season and we’re all celebrating.”

Fine. I’m highly glad the Cold Season is finally over, but I’m
still amazingly sleepy. Still, I hafta say:

Happy New Warm Season, everybody!

With that, I’m gonna go back to bed and stay there until it
warms up more than this. Until then, please hold my calls. Thanks.

Has anyone else noticed that when somebody does something (or doesn’t do something), a whole bunch of stuff somehow changes?

I have.

I wanted to ask, beecause over the last week or three, a bunch of stuff has been happening around here, and it is having an unbeelievably huge effect on a whole bunch of bees. I’ve just come up with a totally original term to refer to this Phenomenon: The Ripple Effect. (Feel free to use that.)

You’re probably wondering why I’ve brought it up, right?
It’s beecause it’s Highly Relevant at the moment, that’s why.

From what I remember, I kinda told you a little bit about that whole Messy Incident with Harrizzzzz and ButterCup, right? Okay then. I went to their Preliminary Hearing a week or so ago, and watched as the Royal Court said they didn’t need anything more Preliminary than what they already had (“The Evidence is Incontrovertible,” the Judge said and said there was just no need for a Trial), so Harrizzzzzz was sentenced to bee Exiled to Northern Nebraska for the rest of his dishonest life, and ButterCup was sentenced to spend the next three Warm Seasons working in the Hive’s Redundant Typing Pool as, I guess, a typist.

The Hive needs good typists, you know. It’s too bad ButterCup hates to type, but I’m pretty sure that’s why the Judge gave her the Sentence he did. It could’ve been worse, probably.

I was actually hoping that I would get my Nectarator 5000 Nectar Saturation Gauge returned, but the Court said they’re keeping it as Evidence. Forever. Geeeeeze.

Anyway, so beecause of all that, a whole bunch of bees have been Highly Inconvenienced. Let me give you an example:

For quite awhile now, there was a small Swarm of bees that held Weekly Meetings of what they called The Hive Film Review Society & Indoor/Outdoor Adventure Club.
They’d been at it so long, they’d pretty much beecome a family. Well, now that ButterCup has to go to the Redundant Typing Pool, and Harrizzzzz is beeing shipped off to Nebraska, that whole Club is falling apart, which is a pity. But all the bees that were in that Club are having to find other things to do now, which is never easy during the Cold Season.

It’s the Ripple Effect.

And, of course, Harrizzzzz’s Buzziness Partner, JR, has to go out and find a new bee he can trust so he can keep his job. And lemme tell ya: it’s hard finding good help these days. Another Ripple Effect.

I did some quick calculations on this whole thing, and do you wanna’ know what I found out? I’ll tell you: I found out that, just beecause of that whole Messy Incident involving ButterCup and Harrizzzzz, there are approximately 87 bees (not counting those two or me) in about Six States whose lives have changed beecause of this whole thing. That’s amazing. The Ripple Effect is just amazing, isn’t it? Who knew?

So, as we all adjust to absorbing all these Ripple Effect-Motivated Adjustments to our lives, most of us are just trying to ignore the worst of it and stay warm. It’s intensely cold and windy out (not my favourite type of weather at all), so I, for one, am staying cozy warm and plan to avoid as many Ripple Effects as I possibly can until Further Notice.

Of course, the good news about all that, probably, is that the New Warm Season is only about three weeks away. By the time that gets here, it’ll start to warm up, and all those Ripple Effects will start to kind of fade away, mostly. (They do that, ya’ know). I, for one, can’t wait.

In the meantime, I should mention that you may or may not see me, unless it warms up a whole bunch. All this Cold Weather and Ripple Effects have really worn me out, so I plan to spend the next, few weeks sleeping. Mostly.

Until then, let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

Have you ever noticed that there are some amongst us who seem to bee highly, super good at Fooling everybody else? Ever run into anybody like that? Don’t ya’ just feel like a Huge Idiot when you find out you’ve been Lied To and Deceived? (I certainly do.)

I asked, beecause I ran into somebody like that just the other day.

I don’t know if you know this, but (Highly Skilled Bee that I am), I happen to own a mostly complete set of some Massively Specialised Tools that I use every once in awhile - like the Nectarator 5000 Nectar Saturation Gauge, which can come in really useful if you ever happen to find yourself in a Hive Tavern and suspect you’re beeing short-changed on that Nectartini that doesn’t look quite right.

Anyway. I decided to go out the other afternoon (it was really nice out, mostly), and grab myself a Nectartini. So beefore I left, I was looking for my Saturation Gauge. But I couldn’t find it. It was no longer there, where I keep my Saturation Gauges. I went out anyway - and who do you think I ran into? Harrizzzzz, that’s who. He said he was just getting off work and had to make one, final Delivery. That sounded beelievable.

Then I noticed something: there, in his back, left, Overall Pocket, was MY Nectarator 5000 Nectar Saturation Gauge. I know it was mine, beecause it had MY initials on it.
So I mentioned it.

“Hey, is that my Saturation Gauge?” I asked him.
“Is what your Saturation Gauge? I don’t have a Saturation Gauge,” he said.
“Yes, you do,” I said, and pointed to it right there in his pocket.
“No I don’t,” he said, (very convincingly, I might add).
“I would never have a Saturation Gauge,” he said. “I don’t use them, so I don’t need one. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen one those things. I wouldn’t even know what it looks like, probably.”

Then he walked away toward the Hive.

I couldn’t see the Gauge as he walked away, beecause when I wasn’t looking, he moved it into his front pocket, so I thought maybe I’d made a Mistaken Observation, or something. As it turns out, though, I hadn’t.

Completely by Accident, and thanks to my heavily convenient Security Surveillance Suspicious Activity Tracking Device, I happened to find out that his “Delivery” was to…get this: to take MY Saturation Gauge to ButterCup’s Cell in the Hive.
So he LIED to me. He DECEIVED me. I couldn’t beelieve it, mostly.

I hafta say that ever since I’ve known Harrizzzz, he’s done nothing but offer the appearance of beeing one of THE most honest, likeable, dependable, and kind bees I thought I’d ever met. Oh sure, his Obsession with Bee Racing was a little weird sometimes, but relatively harmless, mostly. (We all have something Weird about us, right?) But I’d even hafta’ say that, in the almost 484 Days since I’ve know this guy, I would’ve sworn he was the only bee I’d ever met who would never have tried to Lie to anybody.

But he did.

Everybody thought he had Integrity.

But he doesn’t.

Seriously now, how could I have been so wrong about him?
I feel like such a fool, mostly. But it gets worse. Listen to this:

Later, when I reviewed the Data Stream and Time Stamps from the Tracking Device, I found out that he showed up at ButterCup’s Cell Entrance, and when he got there, he said, “Hi Sweet Wings.”

Then ButterCup said, “Is that a Saturation Gauge in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?” Then they went inside her Cell.

I couldn’t beelieve it. And I couldn’t beelieve he also STAYED in there with her for approximately 2 hours, 4 minutes and 03 seconds.

I mean seriously now…what is THAT all about? I’m a bee who likes to know things, as we all know, so I decided to buzz over and pay ButterCup a Visit.

When she came to her Cell entrance, I asked her, “Whatcha’ been up to, ButterCup?”.
“Nothing,” she said. “Why are you asking so many Prying Questions? Haven’t I told you every time I see you that I’m not up to anything? Isn’t that what I say?” She sounded Defensive - and Deceptive.

“Why have you been receiving Stolen Tools, ButterCup?” I asked her. I needed her to tell me the Truth of all this. That’s only fair, right?
Well, all she said was, “I didn’t. I haven’t. I’m not.”
Then I asked her, “Why is Harrizzzzz hanging around with you so much?”
“Who?” she said.

More Lies.

So to make a Long Story short, she finally mostly Confessed that Harrizzzz had been stealing Tools for quite some time, and that she, ButterCup - my ButterCup - had been hiding all those Stolen Tools in her Pantry. There must have been 87 of those things in there - everything from Saturation Gauges to Pollen Separators to Wax Densometers, and then some. I also found out that she’d been spending an Inordinate Amount of Time with Harrizzzzz, and could tell this had been going on a Long Time.

I dunno how, but the Buzz managed to get around about what these two had been up to, so now, nobody trusts either of them - at all. So now, ButterCup and Harrizzzzz are facing 1st Degree Larceny charges in Royal Court. I’ve heard their Case comes up sometime around the middle of the Warm Season, sometime after a Preliminary Pre-Trial Hearing next week. (That should bee interesting.)

I hafta’ say that I’m very excited to watch the Trial and find out if they get the Book thrown at them - which, in the case of 1st Degree Larceny, is to bee locked in a tiny cell together for Life. Forever, (at least, that's the Rumour).

That would bee highly unpleasant, wouldn’t it? And it would bee a real tragedy, mostly. But then again, I think it’s not necessarily a bad thing when the Culprits get what’s coming to them, ya’ know? I think we’d all have to agree that Lies and Deception are two things we can all get along better without in our otherwise Happy Lives, and should bee Punished Severely, don’t you? I do, too.
I mean, who needs bees who just Lie and Beetray everybody? I don’t think any of us wants bees like that around. I know I don’t.

So, as I mentioned beefore, their Preliminary Pre-Trial Hearing comes up next week (I think it’s on either Tuesday or maybee Thursday, I can’t remember), but I’m gonna go Observe the Proceedings. And don’t worry…I’ll tell ya’ what happens.

Until then, let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

I have to say that I just realised that there are a whole bunch of Coincidences going on today. We have Three Massively Significant Things happening on the very same day. What are the odds of that happening, ya’ think?
3081593201787-to-One, maybee?

First, and as I am sure everybody here knows, today is not only the absolutely best day of the week - Monday - but it’s also the Very First Day of a New Year. I consider it a highly good Omen that the next year starts on a Monday. I’m totally certain everybody is every bit as excited as I am about that. Probably.

But I also have to mention that if everybody takes a minute to find your 2018 Calendar, you’ll see that today is the day for the Annual Feast of Saint Gefroren Schmiernippel, celebrating the Annual Ice Harvest. As disappointing as it may bee to everybody, I have been asked by Rudy, Feast Coordinator, to announce that this year’s Celebration had to be Cancelled. The fact is, it’s simply been far too
warm so far this Cold Season for much ice to form, so we’re all hoping for much more normal weather in this Coming Year. Usually, we have a lot more ice than we’ve gotten so far this year for some reason, but whatever we had, we had to use in our Pre-New-Year’s Nectar Fizzes. (There’s nothing worse than a Warm Fizz, is there?)

Anyway, I hafta say that I’m intensely disappointed, beecause I was really looking forward to all those Pollen Puffs, the Pollen Casseroles, and all those Nectartinis we get to enjoy every year. As it is, I’m just gonna stay home tonight and make myself a sandwich and a Nectar Fizz with whatever ice I can find. I hope I have enough sand.

Beefore I go do that, I just wanna wish everybody a Highly Happy New Year! I’m absolutely confident that this is gonna bee the best year in a very, very long time. Probably.

Let’s all bee careful out there!

I’m highly happy to announce that I managed to get most of my Stuff away from the Snark Brother’s Moving Company, and moved into my new Shoebox.

It’s amazingly comfortable, mostly, and I’m very pleased that I managed to get all moved in beefore all that Cold Weather happened. I do have kind of an air leak in one my Bedroom Windows (actually, it’s more of a hole than a window, but I’ve already hired somebody to help me deal with that).

But I do hafta say that I’m feeling a bit disappointed and beetrayed at the moment. Remember how I said I got MOST of my Stuff? Well, one thing I didn’t find were all those boxes I had that contained all my Sparkly Season decorations. When I went to find all those so I could start decorating for this year’s Best Sparkly Season Exterior Decorating Competition, they were all missing.
I was seriously disappointed.

When I called the Moving Company, my Case Worker told me she was sorry (even though I’m pretty sure she wasn’t), and that the Whereabouts of my Decorations could not bee firmly established. When I asked if they would compensate me for my Loss, she said, “You didn’t actually read your contract, did you?”

“Well… ,” I said.

“That’s what I thought, bee.”

Then she told me to have a Nice Day, and hung up.

Luckily, it didn’t take me long to find out where all those Decorations went. As it turns out, the Grand Prize Winners of this year’s Competition just happened to bee the Snark Brother’s Moving Company’s Headquarters Building, and they had used MY Decorations to win the Grand Prize of a Three-Day, All-Expense Paid Luxury Vacation Package to Narka, Kansas, where they are currently enjoying everything Narka has to offer, including free, daily tours of the Egg Candling Factory, located in Beeautiful Downtown Narka. I don’t mean to bee mean, but I hope it was closed when they got there. It would serve them right.

I gotta say: I really could’ve used a trip to Narka right about now, and I think I should bee the one enjoying that Highly Educational and Informative Tour. But no.

I can’t help but think that this whole thing is completely unfair and a total beetrayal of the Trust I placed in the Snark Brother’s Moving Company. If you ask me, Beetrayal is entirely rude and probably Illegal, ya’ know what I mean? (When I called my Lawyer, S.O.Bee, about filing a Beetrayal of Trust Lawsuit agains those guys, he asked me, “Did you read the contract?”
“Well…,” I said.
“That’s what I thought,” then he told me to have a nice day and hung up.

Anyway, next Sparkly Season, I’m gonna get even more, bigger, brighter, and better Decorations and teach those guys a Huge Lesson when I for sure probably win the Grand Prize - and I will bee the one enjoying a relaxing Narka Getaway.

Well, the Contractor (Harrizzzzz & Junior’s Custom Renovations) is gonna bee here pretty soon to put in that Window in my Bedroom. That’s gonna bee a huge relief. My wings almost froze off the other night, which was highly unpleasant. I woke up the next morning feeling like I had a couple of Refrigerated Ironing Boards stapled to my body. That hurt. A lot.

Okay then. Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

So I finally heard from that Moving Company about my Stuff. I just happened to pop by my old Boot Box to see how my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, was doing, and to grab a bunch of Great Grandma Gee Gee’s delicious HoneyChew Krisp Cookies, when the phone rang. (I guess Kevin decided to get a telephone, even though he told me that he wasn’t all that pleased, beecause the line was usually buzzy or isn't working, so he was Highly Excited that he'd gotten a call, even if it wasn't for him.)

When the phone rang, Kevin answered, then told me it was my Moving Company and that they wanted to talk to me.

“Mr. Bee?” they said.
“Yes, I am,” I said.
“We wanted to contact you to pass along some great news that we’re sure will make you very happy” they said.
“You’re gonna finally deliver my Stuff?” I asked, hopefully.

“No,” they said, “we’re calling to inform you that we’ve changed the terms of your contract with us! In lieu of our undertaking the Extreme Inconvenience to our Staff, Wear and Tear on our Equipment, and Exceedingly Exorbitant Costs related Delivery of your Stuff, we’re instead offering you the Opportunity to simply pick your Stuff up from our Storage Facility whenever it is convenient for you, and for only a small, additional Pick Up Fee. You may come by anytime beetween the hours of 6:05 and 6:10 a.m., Mondays and Thursdays and Saturdays, to pick up your Stuff.

“Of course, anything left behind in our Storage Facility after 6:10 a.m. on Tuesday, December 12, will bee auctioned off to satisfy your Storage Bill.

“A copy of your Revised Contract Agreement with us will bee mailed to you beefore the end of the year, most likely. Thank you for relying on us for your Moving Needs. Have a nice day.” Then they hung up.

Geeeeeeeze. All this time, I’ve been Totally Relying on this bunch to safely deliver all my Stuff to my new Shoebox, and they pull this. What a Huge Mistake. They’re Totally Unreliable.

Seriously now, I’m not even sure how what they’re pulling here is even legal, but my Lawyer, S.O.Bee, told me, “It’s legal. They own the company. Whatever they say goes. I would advise that you pick up your Stuff as soon as possible. Please pay on your way out.”

So I did that, and since then, I’ve been getting up every morning Highly Early and picking up my Stuff, piece by piece, and moving it into my new Shoebox.

And that’s why you haven’t heard from me for awhile. I’ve been buzzy doing that, and spending the rest of my time trying to figure out why it’s so difficult to bee able to depend on things these days, ya’ know what I mean?

Okay then. I have to get ready to go to bed now so I can get up early tomorrow and try to get the rest of my Stuff. As soon as I’m all moved in, I’ll invite everybody over for a Shoebox Warming Party. Probably.

Until then, let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

Has anyone else every noticed that sometimes, when somebody says, “I’m sorry,” it seems like maybee they don’t mean it? At all? I have.

Last Thursday, when I was waiting for my Stuff to bee delivered, I just had to sneak off for a quick second to grab a sip of Nectar (I was getting deHydrated just standing there waiting for so long). When I got back, there was a Note on my ShoeBox Door. It said:

WE WERE HERE. WHERE WERE YOU?
TO RESCHEDULE YOUR DELIVERY, PLEASE CALL 873187202956423, Extension 87, BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 8:00 A.M. and 8:02 A.M. THURSDAY or SATURDAY TO BEE PLACED ON DELIVERY RESCHEDULING WAITING LIST. PLEASE REFER TO YOUR CASE NUMBER, 003859301873922-A-112-598230-26-3 TO HELP EXPEDITE YOUR REQUEST.

PLEASE NOTE: OUR OFFICES ARE CLOSED ON SATURDAYS.

WE’RE VERY SORRY FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE THIS MAY HAVE CAUSED YOU AND LOOK FORWARD TO SERVING YOU, MOSTLY.

- Your Case Worker
Snark Brothers Moving and Storage

So after I finished getting all mad about missing my Delivery, I called the number on the Notice and talked to my Case Worker to get on the Waiting List to Reschedule the whole thing.

“Well, Mr. Bee, it looks like we might have an opening sometime in early December, if that works for you; otherwise, I’m afraid we won’t bee able to get you on our schedule until sometime in Early 2018. I’m sorry if this is causing you any discomfort or inconvenience, probably,” she said.

I know she didn’t mean it, and wasn’t sorry at all. I’m still trying to figure out why it is anybody would say they’re sorry when they’re not. At all.

Anyway, I took the opening in Early December, which means that I’m either gonna hafta keep living in that Abandoned Barbecue Grill with that Disingenuous ButterFly, or just move back into the Boot Box with Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew), my Great Grandma Gee Gee, and Gladys HoneyWings. I just might do that. At least if they tell me “sorry”, I can totally beelieve them, usually.

Okay then. Let’s all bee careful out there.

I just gotta say: I’m sick of beeing Lied To. If you have somebody like that in your life, I’m absolutely sure you know what I’m talking about, probably.

You already know that I’ve been waiting for all my Stuff to bee delivered to my new ShoeBox, right? And I’m sure you also remember that I’ve been sharing an old, abandoned Barbecue Grill with a ButterFly until I can get moved into my new place, right? So get this:

A couple of days ago, I had just gotten back to the Grill
when that ButterFly I’m living with fluttered over to me and said, “Hey. I have Amazingly Tremendous News for you. It’s the Best News ever, beelieve me. While you were out, somebody stopped by and asked me to tell you that your Stuff will for sure bee delivered tomorrow sometime. I thought you’d bee happy to hear that.”

“Yes, I am,” I said, beecause I was.

So the next day, I showed up at my ShoeBox way early, and waited for my Stuff to arrive. And I waited. And waited some more. I even waited until 6:18 p.m., a minute longer than I had to, beefore I finally gave up and left.

When I got back to the Barbecue Grill, I asked that ButterFly, “So, who was it that told you my Stuff was going to bee delivered today?”

“Why do you ask?” she asked.

“The Moving Company never showed up, that’s why. So I’m wondering where you got your Information.”

“You mean, about your Stuff beeing delivered?” she asked.

“Yes,” I said.

“I never said that.”

“Yes, you did,” I said. “I know for a fact you told me that.”

“No, you’re mistaken. I would remember saying that, beecause I have a Massively Superior Memory,” she said.
“Evidently, you just want to beelieve in Fake Facts, don’t you? Sad.”

Then just beefore she fluttered off to her corner of the Barbecue Grill, she said, “Oh, by the way, I got a Collect Call from your Moving Company while you were out. They wanted to make sure you got your Delivery okay. They seemed concerned, mostly. I told them everything was fine and thanked them for following up on your Delivery.”

Geeeeeeze. I knew that was just another Lie, beecause we don’t even have a telephone.

Really, I shouldn’t try to beelieve anything she might try to tell me at this point. Butterflies are Shameless Liars, especially the Orange ones. They almost seem proud of it, ya’ know? Luckily, everybody knows about them, so they’re never put in charge of anything important.

Anyway, I’m absolutely positive all my Stuff will bee delivered by 6:17 p.m. today, unless the Moving Company Lied to me. It’s gonna bee great to finally bee back in my own, Lie-Free Shoebox.

OH! I should mention that I’m gonna send out Invitations for a Shoebox Warming Party as soon as I get moved in. You’re invited. Until then…
let’s all bee highly careful out there.

Is it just me, or does it seem that some of the Buzzinesses out there these days don’t really care all that much about their customers?

I have a reason for asking.

Yesterday, I got a Call from my Moving Company. After we figured out that we were all okay and that we’re all were having a nice day, they finally got around to telling me the Purpose of their Call.

“The Purpose of our Call,” they said, “is to inform you that your Case has come up for Consideration, and we’re pleased to Inform you that you have been placed on the Primary Delivery Waiting List. What that means is that, all of your Household Beelongings will probably bee delivered to you sometime beetween Monday, October 30th and Thursday, November 9th, beetween the hours of 5:01 A.M. and 6:17 P.M. Will there bee somebody there to receive the Delivery, Deer?”

“Well, uh,” I told them, “I’m not sure. Can you bee more specific? I mean, would it bee possible to pin down the Actual Delivery Date and Time so I don’t have to just waste all my time waiting around for you to show up?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Deer, no. As you might imagine, we’re awfully buzzy at this time of year, what with all the Migrations going on. It’s Absolutely Imperative that you are there when our Delivery Truck shows up, eventually, otherwise, I’m afraid we are unable to promise Delivery beefore early 2018.”

“But…” I started to say.

“And, of course, we would have to charge you a Temporary Storage and MisHandling Fee if you do happen to miss your Delivery Time. And nobody wants that, mostly. So, can we count on your beeing at your New Address beetween the times I just quoted you, Dear?”

What could I say? “Probably,” I told them. Then they told me to have a Nice Day and hung up.

Geeeeeeeze. I don’t think Customer Service is what it used to bee, ya’ know?

Anyway, I’ve been just standing here by the Front Entrance of my New Shoe Box since yesterday morning, hoping my Stuff will bee Delivered soon. It’s Highly Inconvenient just having to hang around like this.

I also hope they show up soon. It’s really cold out and they have my Antennae Cozies. I hope my Antennae don’t break off. (That would hurt. A lot.)

Okay then. Let’s all bee careful out there.


PS: Happy Hallowe’en! I’d go to the Hive Hallowe’en Extravaganza, but I have to stay here. And wait.

Have you ever noticed that the older you get, the more highly unpleasant a thing it is to hafta move?

Seriously now.

I’m sure you haven’t forgotten to remember that I told you that I decided to downsize. It took me almost a week (eight days, 3 hours and 87 minutes, to bee precise) to find a nice, cozy little Shoebox. I couldn’t beelieve how amazingly difficult it is to find Reasonably-Priced Shoeboxes these days. I finally had to hire a Shoebox Broker to help me out on this thing. She was great, except that she kept calling me “Honey” which I thought was highly rude since my name is Georgie, you know. (Somebody needs to tell her to stop doing that to her customers.)

Anyway, I found one, then I had to deal with gathering all my Essential Beelongings and trying to find some help getting that stuff moved.

I asked Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) if he could help, but he just said, “Uncle Georgie, you’re the best uncle in the world, and I love you, but I’m still exceedingly preoccupied with trying to put Bert back together, so no.”

Everybody else I know said the same thing, so I ended up having to call a Moving Company. The Worker who handled what she called my “Case”, said, “Of course, deer, we’ll bee more than pleased to assist you” (which they did). She told me that all I had to do was to provide a complete and detailed Inventory with an Estimate Value, then submit my pre-payment in an amount equal to or greater than that Value, and they’d put me on the Waiting List. So I did that. Then I asked her, “How long is the Waiting List?” I had know.

“Well, deer,” she said (she kept calling me that…anybody who knows me knows I’m not a deer…I’m a bee), “We’ll try to get to your Case sometime beefore the beeginning of the Cold Season, but we can’t promise that."

So I’m still waiting. In the meantime, I’ve temporarily been living inside a nearby Barbecue Grill alongside a Migrating Butterfly who just sits around and lies all the time, and for some reason keeps calling me “Sugar”. The only time I can get away from all this is when I go have breakfast every day at a local Diner that has, without any doubt whatsoever, the totally best Honey Waffles I’ve ever tasted in my entire life, probably. I mentioned that, beecause there’s a Server there who takes my Order and keeps calling me “Sweetie”.

“Would like like more Waffles, Sweetie? Do you need some more Fresh Squeezed Nectar, Sweetie? Can I get you anything else, Sweetie?” I mean it just never stops. I wouldn’t even go back there if it weren’t for those Waffles and the Free Internet.

I just hafta ask: WHAT IS IT with all this calling your customers “Honey” and “Deer” and “Sweetie” and “Sugar”? I realise I’m Highly Adorable, mostly, but shouldn’t there bee a Limit to all the Outpouring of Affection? I think so. I think it’s just way too Overly-Familiar to run around and do that.

I mean, would I call my Boss (Felonie Snark) “Sweetie”? No, I wouldn’t, and neither would you if you ever met her.

Anyway, I’m still waiting to hear from the Moving Company, but I’m hoping that I’ll bee nicely situated in my new, warm and cozy Shoebox soon. That’ll bee nice.

Okay then. It’s supposed to bee a beeeeautiful day today so I’m gonna go enjoy that.

Let’s all bee careful out there.

I’m thinking of maybee moving. Again. And I have a mostly good reason for wanting to do that, probably. The fact is, I've started to notice that I haven’t been getting the Required Daily Minimum Amount of Sleep I should bee getting. I’m Highly Exhausted.

Here’s the thing: I’ve already mentioned that, up to now, I’ve been living in a Boot Box beecause I don’t particularly want to live in the Hive. Especially right now. I mean, it’s bad enough that place is already too crowded and noisy, but I just hafta make the Observation that, these days, things in the Hive are Uncomfortably Conflicted.

Never mind that the Hive has suffered those Unfortunate Mishaps with the Falling Air Conditioning Units. I did hear there was a Petition going around that is demanding that Queen Jemima makes a Royal Decree banning all Air Conditioning Units, that the rest of those things hafta bee removed immediately, and that she needs to hold the Snark Brothers Accountable for their Highly Gross Negligence, since they were the ones who sold those things to the Hive in the first place. (I think I agree with that, which makes me an Anti-Snarker, probably.)

Of course, the Snarks say they’re Not in Any Way Responsible (“Ya’s shoulda’ read da’ Fine Print,” is what Narville Snark wrote in an Editorial Letter to my Editor at the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record…and Online News), and for some Weird Reason, a bunch of bees who weren’t even hurt by those Falling Air Conditioning Units are siding with the Snarks. Those Snarkers say it’s better to bee cool than to bee safe. Easy for them to say since none of them was ever Crushed or Maimed by one of those things.

So things are tense beetween the Snarkers and the Anti-Snarkers in the Hive these days, especially with all this cold, wet weather and everybody having to stay inside all the time. Everybody’s Highly Edgy. It’s Amazingly Unpleasant.

Seriously now, who wants to live in a Noisy, Dangerous, and Edgy Hive where nobody can agree on even the Simplest Issues? Not me, that’s who.

Now, you’re probably wondering why I don’t just keep Not Living in the Hive and just stay in my Boot Box, right? Well, I’ll tell you why: lately, my Boot Box is almost as bad as the Hive, at least as far as Noise and Confusion goes.

First, my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, has turned the back half of the Boot Box into a Repair and Re-Fabrication Laboratory in an effort to try to Rebuild and Restore Bert (his Robot Bee), so he’s up at all hours banging on things and moving around Heavy Equipment and stuff. And, on top of that, Great Grandma Gee Gee has turned the other half into a Mostly All-Day All-Night Manufacturing Facility for her delicious Royal Honey Chew Crisp Cookies™, so she and Gladys HoneyWings are up all the time, Baking and Packaging Cookies. With all that noise, confusion, and having to get up in the middle of the night all the time for a Cookie, it’s pretty much impossible to get any Quality Sleep around here.

Oh sure, I suppose I could go out and buy some Antennae Noise Reduction Cozies, or maybee start taking some of that Effective Sleep-Enhancing and Appetite-Suppressant Medication they keep advertising on the Bee Network, but considering the Side Effects of that stuff, I think it would just bee healthier to move out.

Just as soon as it stops raining today, I’m gonna go out Shoe Box Shopping. (I used to live in a Shoe Box a long time ago, ya’ know, so I don’t think it would necessarily bee a bad thing to Simply and Downsize at this point.)

I need to find something soon, so I can bee sure to get all moved in and have my Cable installed beefore the end of the Cool Season. The last thing I wanna bee is Boxless this Cold Season.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee careful out there.

1

So I was hanging around by this Trashcan downtown the other day (somebody had told me I’d bee able to find half of a Delicious and Refreshing Used Cherry Sno-Cone there, if I got there in time, which I didn’t). While I was buzzing around trying to find that Sno-Cone, I couldn’t help but overhear a couple of Humans standing not too far away who seemed to bee having a Nasty Disagreement. It sounded like it might bee about something Highly Important, probably, so I stopped and listened for awhile.

The First Guy (who was wearing an old, dark grey “We’ll Never Have Paris” T-Shirt) kept trying to tell some Other Guy (who seemed to suffer from a Severe Hearing Problem), that he thought the World has a Problem with Global Swarming or something like that. (I hoped they weren’t talking about me.)

“Why won’t you get this? Why won’t you understand?” the First Guy kept asking. “Every storm is worse now, and we’re having more of them, ocean levels are already rising…this last summer was the hottest on record and, and . . .”

The Other Guy just held up his hand and said, “I just see your mouth moving. You might as well save your breath since I can’t hear a single word you’re saying.”

Well then, the First Guy (in the “We’ll Never Have Paris” T-Shirt) seemed to get Highly Mad and started yelling at the Other Guy who wouldn’t even look at the First Guy anymore and just pretended to bee ignoring him.

But seriously now. Why would the First Guy start yelling? The Other Guy already told him he couldn’t hear anything, so yelling wouldn’t help him hear any better, mostly. And why would the Other Guy not even LOOK at the First Guy anymore? At least he could maybee try to read his lips or something, right?

Anyway, after Several Long Minutes, I got so fed up with all the Yelling and Not Hearing, I just had to leave.

About all I can say is that I hope the Other Guy with the Hearing Problem gets a Hearing Aid soon so that the Guy in the “We’ll Never Have Paris” T-Shirt won’t hafta keep yelling at him the next time they get together, ya’ know?

Okay then. Let’s all bee careful out there.

What a Miraculously Wonderful day Monday is, usually, so I gotta say I’m a bit disappointed that today isn’t starting off all that well for me.

First, ButterCup is still all mad at me beecause we ended up beeing late to the Honey Ball. (I still say that it’s not my Fault that Bert didn’t get my Note asking him to remind me when it was time to leave. That was so unlike him to forget to remember like that.) She was furious that we completely missed out on all the Pollen Puffs. Also, it turns out the Ball wasn’t Casual Attire, after all. She was highly embarrassed to bee seen with me since I wore those Lounging Togs I picked up in Nebraska, and she told me that I “clashed” with her gown. That didn’t help things. At all.

And then this morning, I was late for my first day as Sales Coordinator for the Snark Brothers Enterprises’ line of Supreme Deluxe Self-Flipping Pillows™. Felonie Snark was highly upset, but as I told her, it wasn’t my fault beecause I had to go see my Editor first - Or Else.

“Didn’t I’s also says, ‘Or Else’ as ta’ yous beein’ on time ta’ yous foist day of woik, bee?” she asked me.

“Well yeah,” I said, “but I wasn’t sure what you actually meant by ’Or Else’. I know my Editor means it when HE says ‘Or Else’, even though I’m not completely sure what ‘Or Else’ means and I’m not sure I wanna know, so I decided that I shouldn’t take any chances with his ‘Or Else’. Does your ‘Or Else’ mean the same thing as my Editor’s ‘Or Else’?” I had to know.

As it turns out, they both mean the same thing, so Felonie informed me that she’s withhold three weeks worth of Non-Pay and is insisting I work 87 minutes of Overtime every day to make up for the hour I was late. Geeeeeze. I guess from now on, I hafta prioritise my “Or Else’s”. As if things aren’t confusing enough.

And speaking of confusion, my Editor seemed confused when I asked him about that Trophy.

“What Trophy?” he asked me.

“You know…the Trophy. The one I won for my Interview Show,” I reminded him.

“There’s no Trophy, Bee, beecause you didn’t win anything. In fact, we’re still trying to settle the Defamation of Character Lawsuit that Butterfly filed against us after your Show. You’re just lucky I haven’t fired you from your job as Staff Reporter after all this.”

Geeeeeze. I didn’t even know I had a job as a Staff Reporter for the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record…and Online News.

Then he started asking me a bunch of silly questions about why I hadn’t reported on the Horribly Unfortunate Mishap in the Hive over the Summer.

“What Horribly Unfortunate Mishap?” I asked.

“Apparently, as you’ve been off, pampering yourself with a Self-Indulgent Vacation, you seem to bee totally unaware that several bees were Severely Injured when one of those Air Conditioning Units the Snark Brothers installed in the Hive came loose from its Mounting Bracket and ended up crushing several victims,” he told me.

“No, I hadn’t heard about that at all,” I said. (I hadn’t.)

“That explains the Highly Insensitive Note you left to Bert, then, doesn’t it?”

“Insensitive Note?” I asked.

“Yes, the one in which you asked him to remind you when it was time to leave for the Honey Ball. The one he never saw beecause of his beeing crushed, maybee beeyond all repair, by that falling Air Conditioning Unit?”

“Oh, yeah, that Note. Bert was crushed?” I asked.

“Yes, crushed,” he said, “maybee beeyond repair. Several bees were severely injured. Lefty lost both of his Wings, so now nobody knows what to call him, and Lester Bee is facing Extensive Rehabilitation. He still hasn’t uttered a single buzz since the Mishap.”

The minute he told me about the Mishap, I finally understood why it was that Bert never reminded me about when it was time to go to the Honey Ball, and why ButterCup is so mad at me: It was all the Air Conditioning Unit’s fault!

I can’t wait to tell ButterCup.

“So what do you have to say for yourself?” My Editor asked me.

“Well, if I may, I’d like to make an Observation or two . . . “ I started to say.

“An Observation, bee? You’re making Observations now, are you? I don’t have time for your Observations today, but I’ll tell you what: you go right ahead and make your Observations, but put them in writing and have them on my desk beefore the end of the week!”

“But … “ I started to tell him I have another job now, but he didn’t seem interested.

Then he said, “Now get out of my Office!”

So I did that.

ButterCup’s gonna bee so happy to hear that she really doesn’t need to bee mad at me anymore. She can blame that Air Conditioning Unit instead of me! Isn’t that great?

Okay then, my Break’s over. Time to get back to trying to Coordinate those Pillows.

I’ll catch up with everybody the next time I get some time off. Until then, let’s all bee careful out there.

SO, another Hot Season has Come and Gone, and here we are at the beeginning of a new Cool Season! Time passes highly quickly, doesn’t it? It seems like only yesterday that it was still the Hot Season.

Well, tonight’s the night. In just a few, short hours, the Annual End of the Hot Season Honey Ball will beegin.

I hafta say that I feel amazingly lucky that I managed to get Tickets to this thing. When I showed up at the Hive Ticket Office, they asked me to provide Proof of Identity and Residence (evidently, bees from other Hives have been trying to sneak in so they could monopolise all the Pollen Puffs, so Hive Security had to step in and take charge). Of course, I left all my Papers in my Boot Box. When I finally remembered where I put those and got back to the Ticket Office, there was a “NO MORE HONEY BALL TICKETS AVAILABLE” sign hanging on the door, and they were closed.

There’s no way that ButterCup would have forgiven me for messing up on the Tickets, but lucky for me, as I sat in front of the Ticket Office Door trying to figure out what do about this whole thing, Felonie Snark (my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin’s, Formerly Estranged Sister) just happened to buzz by.

“Yous looks discouraged, bee,” she said. “What’s da’ sad face all abouts?” (I couldn’t help but notice that Felonie is starting to sound more and more like her Alleged Father, Narville, and Uncle Chaz the longer she hangs out with those guys.)

To make a long story short, I explained my dilemma to her, then she said, “Then it’s lucky for yous I jus’ happened ta’ bee passing by. It jus’ so happens that I can procures two Tickets for yous - for a price, of course.”

Now, I think we all know already that Honey Ball Tickets are FREE this year, thanks to Queen Jemima’s “Hive Morale” Initiative which, among other things, provides free Event Tickets for every Event to every bee in the Hive, along with a six-week Membership to Bendy Hallowayover’s “Bee Fit” Fitness Spa and Salad Bar, and some Discount Coupons for Bees ‘R Us. So, I really didn’t understand why I should hafta pay Felonie for anything, but she told me that if I didn’t agree to her Terms, she wouldn’t give me the Tickets.

“So how much?” I asked her. “How much Honey do you want?”

“Oh, I doesn’t wants Honey, bee” she said. “What I needs, what I means ta say is, what da’ Company needs at dis particular-like juncture is …well, let’s jus’ calls it a Sales Coordinator, for lacks of a better toim. I hears yous gots some experience in dat field, so if yous wants dese Tickets, yous gotta come woiks for us. Or Else.”

How could I say no? Also, I gotta say that I felt highly flattered that Felonie was familiar with my fairly impressive background in Sales. I think it’s fair to say that I probably still hold the Sales Record for Door-to-Door Door Sales. I’m also pretty sure that Lawsuit involving those Paper Spoons has been dropped, so as far as I know, I have a clean Employment Record. Probably.

Anyway, I needed the Tickets, so I told her I’d do that.

“But can I ask what kind of Sales I’m gonna Coordinate?”
I asked.

“I supposes dat’s not a unreasonable request,” she said. “Sure. YOUS is now da Official Sales Coordinator for da’ Snark Brudders Enterprise’s newest Product, da’ latest in Sleep Comfort: da Supreme Deluxe Self-Flipping Pillow™.”

Seriously now, who doesn’t want and need a Self-Flipping Pillow™, especially a Supreme Deluxe one? I’d say just about everybody.

I start on Monday. Unfortunately though, I already know I’m gonna bee late on my First Day, beecause my Editor says he wants to see me. (Maybee that Personalised Monogrammed Trophy for my probably winning the Best Non-Broadcast Semi-Fictional Mostly Live Interview Show, Four Minutes or Less, finally arrived. I dunno why he couldn’t have just had that delivered or something, ya’ know?)

Anyway, I gotta get ready to take ButterCup to the Honey Ball. I’ll bee picking her up early for that, since she made it Very Clear that she doesn’t wanna miss out on the Pre-Reception supply of Pollen Puffs this year, so I’m gonna make sure we’ll definitely bee on time, mostly. (“How?” you ask? I’ll tell you: Just to bee on the safe side, I’m gonna leave a Note for Bert, Kevin’s Artificially-Intelligent Robot Bee, and ask him to remind me to leave on time, that’s how.)

I can always depend on Bert, even though I haven’t seen him around since I got back. He’s probably off getting a Software Update or something. I just need to make sure I remember to write him that Note.

So I’m gonna go do that right now while I’m still remembering not to forget.

I’ll catch up with ya sometime after the Honey Ball, then!
Until then, let’s all bee careful out there.

Well, I’m back.

I dunno if anybody else realises this, but not only is it Monday (the most Highly Spectacular Day of the Week), but there are only about four days left in the Hot Season. And I’m pretty sure we all know what that means, don’t we? That means that, this Friday, it will bee time for the Annual End of the Hot Season Honey Ball once again!

That’s always a Festive Event, usually, so I’m glad I got back from my Extended Vacation in time for that. The fact is, I hadn’t planned to return until Saturday, or maybee Sunday, so it’s lucky I started flying back early.

I’ve already asked ButterCup if she’ll bee my Special Date for the Ball. She said, “Fine,” so I can tell she’s mostly excited about the whole thing, probably.

“And remember, bee,” she reminded me, “don’t forget to pick me up early so we can get there in time for the Mandatory Royal Reception and the Queen’s Speech. We missed out on the Pollen Puffs last year and, quite frankly, I just won’t live with that kind of disappointment again. And while you’re at it, try to exert yourself and wear something appropriate this year. That Puce Tuxedo you showed up that time just won’t cut it.”

I told her she didn’t have to worry since, the fact is, the last time I had it Dry Cleaned, it shrunk a whole bunch
so it doesn’t even fit anymore.

“Good,” she said, then she left and went back to work.

Of course, this means I have less than two weeks to figure out Who I’m gonna wear. (My Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, informed me that Queen Jemima has issued the Formal Decree that this year’s Theme is “An Informal Celebration of the Common Working Bee”, so I’m guessing that means that this year’s Festivities will require Casual Attire. Maybee I’ll just wear those Beelarenta Lounging Togs I picked up in Nebraska last month.
They’re highly comfortable.) I also need to go buy the Tickets beefore they’re all sold out.

So I’m gonna go do that.

I’ll catch up with ya’ later.
Until then, let’s all bee careful out there.

When I walked into his Office, I said, “I understand you, my Beeloved Producer, wishes to see me.”

“NOT your Producer, bee, beecause you no longer have anything to Produce. I’m your Editor, and don’t forget that.”

“But…” I started to say.

“I’m just going to get this out of the way right now: YOU’RE FIRED. You are now officially out of a job.”

“But…” I started to argue with him, but he interrupted me.

“I want you to know that I had a HIGHLY unpleasant visit from a Vorroa Mite after your Show last week. He showed up here with a huge swarm of his friends to Protest your Show. To say that he wasn’t happy is an understatement. He and his other Mites wanted you FIRED. They just kept AT me until I finally agreed to their Demands. It took me the rest of the day to get rid of all those Mites - and I don’t appreciate that one bit. The last thing I need or want in this Office are irritating Vorroa Mites giving me a hard time.”

“Fired?” I asked. “You mean, you’re hiring somebody to host MY Show? I don’t understand. How can it bee The Georgie Bee Interview Show if I, Georgie Bee, am not the host?”
“No,” he said. "There is no more Show. Period."

“But…” I started to say.

“Listen up, bee. Your Show has caused us enough trouble. And now, with this Vorroa Mite Infestation, I’ve HAD IT. We’re cancelling your Show. As of right now, it’s OFF THE AIR. DONE. FINISHED. That is IT.”

“But…” I tried to argue the point with my Producer … er…Editor, but he just pounded his wing on his Desk and said, “Now GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!”

So I did that.

At this point, I think I should apologise to my Beeloved Viewing Audience for my Editor cancelling my Show like that. I was really excited that, next week, my Guest was gonna bee a Firefly (aka “Lighting Bug”), but now, I have to call his People and give him the bad news. It’s highly sad, beecause I’m absolutely, completely certain that the Interview would have been Beelitzer Prize-Worthy. Probably.

Anyway, I guess I’m out of a job. I guess, in some ways, I’m not too overly upset, though . . . I really didn’t like having to get up in the middle of the night, so at least now I can sleep in.


This also means that I can finally take a long-awaited Vacation. It IS still the Hot Season, so is there a better time for a bee to stop working and take some time off?
I don’t think so.

So I’m gonna do that.

Okay then! I’ll see everybody when I get back. Until then, let’s all bee careful out there!

When I walked in, he just looked at me the way he does and asked me, “What is it with you?”

“What?” I didn’t know what he was talking about, so I had to ask.

“Do you realise that for two out of your three Interview Shows - that’s 67.666667% of the time - your Guests never actually were interviewed?” He seemed upset by this.

“Since you put it that way,” thought about it, “that is highly odd, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is, bee,” he said. “And the ONE Guest you DID finally start interviewing ended up calling me in the middle of the night and expressing his extreme discontent over the fact that you refused to let him talk. Or chirp, as the case may bee.”

“Well,” I tried to explain, “I know there are a lot of larvae that might bee watching my Show, so it seemed to me that he was about to start talking about stuff that … .”

“Just stop,” he said. “In case you weren’t aware, bee, he has filed a Formal Complaint with the Hive Communications Commission demanding that our Licence to Broadcast bee terminated, and has stated his intention of convincing any would-bee Interviewees to boycott your Show.”

“That’s gonna complicate things, isn’t it?” I asked, “but, if that’s the worst of it, then I’m sure my Ratings can only go up now, right?”

“Wrong, bee. We need to talk about your Scheduled Guest from last week’s Show,” he said.

“Oh, you mean that Monarch Butterfly that didn’t show up at all and…” he interrupted me. (He likes to do that.)

“…and who you sat there and spent the entire Show bad-mouthparting? Yes, that Guest. The same Guest who is now suing us for Libel, Slander, Defamation of Character, Emotional Damage, and Loss of Anticipated Wages.”

“And that’s my fault?” I asked. Geeeeze, I really didn’t understand why he was blaming ME for the fact that an arrogant and untrustworthy Butterfly who simply refused to honour a Contract was MY fault. But he did.

“One more chance, bee,” he buzzed at me. “ONE. MORE. CHANCE. You’d better pull it together in your Show next week - or Else! Now get out of my Office!”

So I did that.

Apparently, if my Editor…er…Producer doesn’t like my Show next week, I’m gonna bee Or Elsed. In case that’s never happened to you, lemme tell ya’: it isn’t pleasant.

But I have absolutely NO doubt whatsoever and know that beeyond even a hint of a shadow of a doubt that my Show next week is gonna bee the best yet, probably. I’ve scheduled an Interview with a Varroa Mite. I’m gonna give him the opportunity to explain why he and his obnoxious friends find it necessary to make our lives as bees so miserable.

So stay tuned for that - you won’t wanna miss it.

Right now, I hafta go to a Production Meeting. I wanna find out why my microphone never seems to work when I’m taping the shows.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Until Thursday, then . . . let’s all bee careful out there.

I think it’s fair to say that most everybody feels the same way I do about Mondays - we love ‘em and wish we had more of them, right? Well get this: I was looking forward to highly enjoying next Monday until, just awhile ago, I got a message from my Editor…er..Producer telling me that I hafta bee in his Office first thing Monday Morning - or Else. Evidently, he wants to talk to me about this week's Show. He didn't sound happy.

Geeeeeeeze. And I’m supposed to enjoy my weekend with that hanging over my head? Is that even legal?
If it is, it probably shouldn’t bee. But whatever.

So, I had to waste my whole Monday Morning sitting in my Editor’s Office (who how calls himself my “Producer”), listening to him go on and on about what a disaster my first Interview Show was.

We’re taking a quick Lunch Break, then I hafta go back to his Office and waste the rest of this otherwise Better-Than-Most Monday. Geeeeeeeze. Even more aggravating is that it’s a Perfect Day out, and I had planned to spend this afternoon working on my tan.

When I walked in this morning, my Editor…er…Producer just looked at me, and in a Highly Sarcastic Tone said, “Do you realise,” he said, “that you got a 0.000000087% Market Share from your first Broadcast?”

“That’s good, right?” I figured since it wasn’t all 0’s, so that meant SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE was watching, right?

“No,” he said, “that is not good. In fact, it’s horrible. Why do you think pretty much everybody DIDN’T watch your Show, bee?”

“Beecause,” I had guess, “my Show was on in the middle of the night when everybody was asleep? And beecause most of my audience don’t own TV’s?”

“You’d love to blame Station Management, wouldn’t you?” he just kept buzzing at me as he pounded his wing on his Desk.

“NO. It’s beecause your first Interview Guest did not show up. You failed to get her to appear on your Show.”

“Well yeah she did show up,” I attempted to correct him, “she just wouldn’t let anybody see her, that’s all. But I’m almost 100% completely sure that’s why they’re called Brown Recluse Spi…,” but he interrupted me.

“No, more excuses, bee. I’m giving you one more chance. That’s it. If your guest this week doesn’t appear on camera, I’ll bee cancelling your Show, and we’ll just broadcast back-to-back Episodes of those Pharmacetical Mini-Dramas everybody finds so entertaining and informative.”

“But…” I started to say.

“Nobody wants that. Probably. So this afternoon - and for as long as it takes - you will bee HERE, meeting with your Production Team in THIS OFFICE and providing us with your assurances that we do not find ourselves having to rely on Pharmaceuticals. Am I CLEAR?”

I told him that beeyond any shadow of any doubt, I completely and fully understood most of what he seemed to want me to do, probably, but reminded him that this week’s Scheduled Guest is a Field Cricket, and they mostly also don’t like to bee seen in public. Especially on TV.

“Not my problem, bee,” he said. “That’s YOUR problem. And YOU will SOLVE IT.”

Then he told me to get out of his Office and bee BACK to meet with my Production Team by Noon - Or Else.

So I hafta do that.

Geeeeeeeze. I’ve just been kinda sitting here since then, thinking about getting ready to go to lunch and trying to figure out how to get a Cricket to appear on Camera. This isn’t gonna bee easy, ya' know?

By the way, what time is it?

Oh geeeeeeeeze. I gotta’ go.

Bee sure to tune in to my new Show on Thursday!

Until then . . . let’s all bee careful out there!

So, as you can see, Kevin managed to finish fixing the Technical Problem we were experiencing with our Broadcast Signal. We’re ready to start the Show. Mostly.

My first Interview will bee the day after tomorrow, and I’ve been very busy getting her ready for her Life-Changing Appearance on my Show. At the moment, she’s beeing a bit difficult, though, and keeps telling me she isn’t sure if she wants to do the Interview.

“You know how I am about publicity,” she told me yesterday. I told her I did, but that I was completely sure everything was gonna bee fine, probably.

I dunno why, but she still doesn’t seem convinced. But don’t worry. I’m a very persuasive bee, as you already know. All the marketing on her Appearance has already been sent out, and unless she wants to hafta deal with my lawyer (S.O.Bee) and a massive Breach of Contract Suit, she’ll show up for her Interview. A deal’s a deal, right?

Okay then. I gotta go bee persuasive somewhere else.
Again, Stay Tuned for my New Show on Thursday!

Until then…let’s all bee careful out there.

Well, I was planning to start broadcasting my New Show - The Georgie Bee Interview Show - today; unfortunately, as you can probably see, we’re still having some Technical Difficulties.

I’ve asked Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) if he might bee able to help me out. We need to bee sure there’s a highly clear picture when my first Show goes on the Air. We owe it to you, our Beeloved Viewing Audience, to provide you with a Broadcast Image that is clear and contains each and every festive colour necessary for a successful Broadcast.

Kevin has assured me that he knows what the Problem is, and that he’ll have it fixed in plenty time for me to meet my Editor’s Deadline.

“According to my assessment of the situation,” he said, “and what it will require to affect an effective solution to the problem, I will need approximately a week. Maybee less. But I beelieve I can say with confidence that your Show should bee on the Air no later than next Thursday.”

“You’d better have it working by then, Kevin,” I told him, “OR ELSE! And thanks a whole bunch.” (I figured he would bee more motivated to work quickly if I delegated the Or Else my Editor gave to me, ya’ know?)

He just gave me a funny look and said, “Uncle Georgie, you’re my favourite uncle in the world, and I love you, but sometimes, you can bee a bit overly-demanding. All the same, you’re welcome.”

Anyway. I’m gonna spend the rest of day finishing up my Master List of Interview Guests sometime this week, then I’m gonna spend the weekend working on my diction. Somebody told me that, if nobody can understand what you’re saying on TV, they just won’t listen.

That’s probably true.

So remember… bee sure to tune in next week as we get ready to change the face of Broadcast Television, mostly.

STAY TUNED - and let’s all bee careful out there!

“Bee,” he said as soon as I walked in.

“Yes?” I said.

“Do you realise what you’ve done?”

“You mean, that thing with The Chair?” I asked.

“No,” he said. “I’m talking about last week’s Final Issue of ‘Life in the Stump’. You made a complete mess of things.”

“I did?”

“You did,” he said. “In particular, I suppose you don’t remember Item #2, the Item announcing the Ticket Sales for the Welcome to the New Hot Season Gala?”

“Yeah, I read that,” I said. “What about it?”

“Well, I will say that the headline was fine, but…”

“Yes, I thought it was very informative,” I interrupted him.

“Don’t interrupt me,” he said. “But the story? It was wrong! Wrong! Wrong! WRONG! You had the dates for ticket reservations ALL WRONG!”

“I did? I don’t even think I wrote any of that Report, since I was stuck in The Chair. Are you sure…” I tried to tell him I didn’t write that Item, but he seemed convinced I was the one who had messed up.

“First of all, June 14th is NOT on a Sunday. Secondly, ticket reservations had to bee in beefore last Friday. That was the 9th. Not the 14th. And the Event was on Sunday, the 11th, which you never reported at all. That means NO tickets were ordered, and nobody showed up. Rudy is furious. And it’s all beecause of your incorrect reporting of the Facts!”

Then he paused, looked at me, and asked, “Are you happy?”

I had to think about that for a minute or two.

“I guess I'd hafta say I’m pretty happy,” I answered. “I mean, my butt’s still a little sore from that Chair, but yeah, I’d say I’m happy, mostly. Why do you ask?”

“Bee,” he said as he started pointing his wing at me like he does sometimes, “it has beecome crystal clear that, when it comes to handling the sacred responsibility of accurately reporting the News, you simply cannot bee trusted.”

Geeeeeeze. I don’t know why he would say something like that, since I don’t think I was even the one who wrote last week’s Issue. I mean, he should’ve known I was still stuck in The Chair, so somebody else must’ve written all that wrong stuff. But he did blame me and there didn’t seem to bee much I was going to bee able to say to change his mind about that. Whatever.

“As of now, you will no longer bee our ‘Bee on the Street’, and you will no longer bee trusted to report the News that is important to the Hive,” he told me.

“But…” I started to say, but he buzzed me to bee quiet.

“BZT! The Editorial Board of the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record…and Online News has discussed this matter. Upon my Recommendation, the Decision has been made to move you OFF of Reporting, and INTO the Broadcast Entertainment Division, where you will bee responsible for creating, producing and airing a Weekly Programme. I don’t care what it’s about, as long as it has nothing to do with the News.

“It must bee in a format your viewers will find both interesting AND entertaining, and which, through the Sponsors YOU will find for this Programme, will bring in the honey revenues which you, through your lack of Attention to Detail, have cost us…” he said.

“But…” I started to say.

“…and your first Show WILL bee Broadcast no later than 48 hours after the beeginning of the New Hot Season - OR ELSE!”

“But, I haven’t done anything like that beefore. Beesides, nobody in the Hive has TV sets. And… .” I started to say, but he just gave me a dirty look and said, “Not my problem, bee.”

Then he said, “Now get out of my Office!”

So I did that.

So okay fine. Now I hafta do a Weekly TV Broadcast for everybody in the Hive, except that nobody in the Hive can ever watch it, since nobody in the Hive has a TV. Of course I guess maybee they can Stream it on their Devices and watch it that way. Or something.

Luckily, I already have a Massively Superior Idea for my New Show. It was so obvious, it came to me almost immediately. I figure that, since my Exclusive Interview with Queen Jemima a few weeks ago went so amazingly well, I am going to do a Weekly Interview Show, and I am going to call it, “The Georgie Bee Interview Show”.

It’s gonna bee great.

So, over the next several many days, I’ve gotta build a Set, find Camera Equipment and Lights, hire a Script Assistant, decide what I’m gonna ask each Guest who will bee on my Show, and figure out everything else I’ll need to do to win the coveted Beezer™ Award for Best Domestic, Possibly-Foreign-Language Non-News Interview-Format Programming in the Category of Mostly Semi-Non-Fictional InfoTainment, Daytime. (I’d go for the Nighttime Award, but I don’t wanna stay up that late, ya’ know?)

I’m mostly sure I’ll win.

Okay then. I gotta go get to work on all of this right away, so I’ll bee back as soon as my New Show’s ready to Broadcast! I know everybody’s as excited as I am. Probably.

So as they say in the TV buzziness: STAY TUNED!

Until then…let’s all bee careful out there!