Escape from Bee Island: the Mystery - 12


I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that, after last week’s Gripping Episode, there are a lot of my Beeps who are wringing their Wings over what happened this week. Am I right? I thought so. (Just a friendly bit of advice: don’t wring your Wings too hard, or they’ll tear. And trust me, that hurts. A lot.)

This week’s Episode was absolutely the best yet, even if it took place at night, and it was so dark that we all had a little trouble actually seeing what was going on.

We did find out at the beeginning of the Episode that Clive Beexter (Host and Island Master) and his Crew are still recovering from the Grievous Wounds they suffered from that Unexpected Encounter with the Screaming Banshee last week. They had been transferred from the Island Field Hospital to the Island’s Chaz Snark Memorial Rehabilitation Clinic (I dunno why they call it that, beecause the last I knew, Chaz Snark is still alive, but whatever), and were still in Relatively Intensive Care. Hopefully, though, Clive - and his Crew - will bee back next week, for the Almost Nearly Live Grand Season Finale. So that’s good.

Some highly exciting things happened this week. First, in a Stinger-Tingling, Edge-Of-Whatever-You’re-Sitting-On Moment, we watched as the Camera followed ButterCup up the side of WaHooHoo Mountain (or whatever it’s called) with that Bag containing the Fake Jewel of Questionable Destiny tied to her Stinger. She looked like she was really struggling with this thing, but somehow, she made it all the way to the top, and managed to sneak beehind where Boris and the Screaming Banshee were still playing Game 3 of the Deciding Parcheesi Play-Off. The Banshee’s attention was obviously very focused on the Game, and her back was turned to the Jewel, so we were all hoping that she wouldn’t spot ButterCup as she tip-toed up beehind her.

It was pretty nerve-racking at one point when, after she got to where the Jewel was (just a few steps away from the Banshee), she untied the Bag from her Stinger and pulled the Fake Jewel out. ButterCup was just about to make the Big Switch when she somehow managed to trip over the empty Bag and landed very ungracefully on a pile of dried-out Vegetation. Of course, that made a huge Crunching Sound. Everybody was sure that the Jig was Up, and that the Banshee was going to spot ButterCup - and that would bee the end of her. ButterCup froze, expecting the worst. Luckily, Boris could see what was going on, and beefore the Banshee could turn around to check out the noise, he started coughing and sneezing really loud. That distracted her.

“Please to excuse me,” he said. “but I happen to bee much allergic to small Island Mammal making terrible noise.”

The Banshee didn’t say anything, but just gave Boris a Tissue, shrugged, and went back to plotting her next Move in the Game.

After it seemed safe, ButterCup very carefully grabbed the real Jewel of Questionable Destiny with her Wing, and very meticulously replaced it with the Fake Jewel. Then she crept very slowly to where she’d left the empty Bag, put the real Jewel into the Bag, tied it to her Stinger, and silently made her way back down the Mountain to where Fleur was waiting. It was highly suspenseful.

“Fine,” Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) said. “So I lost the Bet. I hope you’re happy.” I was, beecause Kevin had bet me a Large Stack of Valuable Coupons from Bees’R’Us that ButterCup wouldn’t bee able to switch the Jewels without beeing found out. I bet him she would, beecause if there’s one thing I know about ButterCup, it’s that she functions highly well under Pressure, most of the time. I don’t hafta tell you that not only was I very glad she hadn’t been Found Out after she’d made all that noise, and was able to make a Clean Getaway without beecoming the Screaming Banshee’s next Victim, but I was also really happy that I’d won the Bet and ended up with all those Valuable Coupons. I really needed them.

Anyway, when ButterCup found her way back to Fleur, both Fleur and Jasmine (from Team A) were standing there, waiting for her.

“Ah, Mon Cher,” Fleur said to her, “vous has been successful. I knew vous could do zis.”

“Can we please leave now?” ButterCup asked her.

“Oui,” Fleur said, as she pulled out another Map and pointed to a spot marked with an X that said, “Meet Here”.

“Jasmine will lead uz, here, to ze Pre-Arranged, Zecret Extraction Point. Zere, ze zree of uz will board ze Zubmarine zhe has chartered for uz, and we will bee zafely tranzported away from ze Island, along with ze Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Queztionable Deztiny.”

How clever was that? The three of them were going to leave the Island by way of a Secret Submarine. Of course, this meant that, since they were leaving beefore the Season was actually over, Fleur, Jasmine, and ButterCup wouldn’t bee around for the Grand Finale next week, but I hafta say it was a good thing that ButterCup was finally gonna bee able to get off that Island. I’m pretty sure she mostly didn’t enjoy the Competition, even if she did end up winning it. In a way.

So the Camera followed the three Finalists to the Secret Extraction Point, which was on a Beach on the north end of Bee Island, where Jasmine had hidden a Pre-Inflated Inflatable Rubber Raft that was cleverly disguised as the oil-soaked remnants of a Sea Urchin.

“We will use this Raft,” Jasmine said, “to Rendezvous with the Submarine which is currently lying off the Coast near the Shipping Lanes, where we will bee met by a Submarine which has been skilfully painted to look as if it were nothing more than an Innocent Freight Submarine. But we must make haste, else we will miss our Window of Opportunity.”

“Great, that’s great,” ButterCup said. “So let’s go already.”

Fleur was kind enough to hold the Jewel of Questionable Destiny for ButterCup while she climbed in, then she passed the Jewel back to her while she joined her in the Raft. As soon as Jasmine got in, they could bee on their way to Relative Safety.

“Oh dear,” Great Grandma Gee Gee said, “I do hope Jasmine is careful. She needs to bee sure she doesn’t puncture the Raft with her Red Stilettos and make it sink. They’re awfully pointy.” As it turned out, though, she didn’t have to worry.

Fleur was just turning around and reaching out her Wing to help Jasmine make her way into the Raft when, all of a sudden, there was that Terrifying Screeching Sound again, and they all saw another huge flash of light that came from the general direction WaHooHoo Mountain (or whatever it’s called), where (we all remember), Boris and the Screaming Banshee were still playing the Deciding Parcheesi Game.

Jasmine stopped, let go of Fleur’s Wing, and looked back toward the Mountain. Then she turned, reached out her Wings, and gave the Raft containing Fleur, ButterCup, and the Jewel of Questionable Destiny a big push, which sent them floating away from the Shore and toward spot where the Submarine was waiting.

“My most sincere apologies,” she called to them as they floated away toward the waiting Submarine, “but I cannot - I must not - accompany you, as we had so carefully planned and hoped. You must take the Jewel and leave the Island without me.”

Mais pourquoi?” Fleur shouted after her. (I don’t speak French, so I dunno what she asked her.)

“Beecause,” Jasmine said, “I must stay beehind and learn the Fate of Boris, to learn if he still lives, or if, facing an unusual and unexpected Parcheesi Defeat, he has met his end from the terrible powers of the Banshee.”

Then she added, “I am, after all, a Team Player.”

With that, she gave a quick wave, turned and disappeared in the direction of the Mountain. And that was the last we saw of her.

The Camera followed the Raft until we could see that Fleur, ButterCup, and the Jewel of Questionable Destiny were safely taken on board the Submarine, and we watched it sink out of sight. I hope they remembered to close the door beefore they did that, ya’ know?

“I wonder what it costs to Charter one of those things,” Kevin asked.

“A Submarine?” I asked. “What for?” I couldn’t imagine a reason why he’d ever need a Submarine, ya’ know?

Kevin just looked at me and said, “Uncle Georgie, you’re the best uncle in the world, and I love you, but sometimes you’re seriously lacking in the Imagination Department.”

Geeeeeeeze. I dunno why the hell Kevin has been so critical lately, so I just said, “Fine,” then I decided to go home to my Shoebox beecause, quite frankly, I was tired after all that, and I was feeling a little, totally insulted.


Anyway… next week is the Mostly Live Season Finale. Hopefully, Clive Beexter will make it out of the Clinic in time for that, and we’ll find out what happened with Jasmine, Boris, and the Banshee. Until then, then …

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature

Escape from Bee Island: the Mystery - 11


Well, as it turns out, Great Grandma Gee Gee was right: Fleur de Bee and Jasmine have absolutely and without any question whatsoever probably been Collaborating during this whole thing. Also as well, we finally found out what Parcheesi has to do with defeating the Screaming Banshee and claiming the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny.

When the Episode opened, Clive Beexter (Host and Island Master) had found out that Fleur and Jasmine have been Collaborating, so he and the Camera Crew showed up to confront them with Formal Charges. Unfortunately, Clive and his Crew apparently forgot that, just beecause they are in charge of producing “Escape from Bee Island”, it didn’t mean they enjoyed any Immunity from the Screaming Banshee, so when Clive was just about to serve Jasmine and Fleur with the Relevant Paperwork, he didn’t realise he and his Crew were standing right in the middle of a clearing that was highly vulnerable to Banshee Attack.

“I have in my Wing,” Clive started to say, “the Relevant Papers formally charging Fleur de Bee and Jasmine with…”

But beefore he could finish what he was saying, there was that Highly Annoying, Antennae-Splitting Shriek, and another blinding Flash of Light. The next thing we knew, Clive and his entire Crew were laying on the ground. Only the CameraBee and Clive managed to somehow survive the Attack. The rest of the Crew - including the Gaffer and Best Bee - were all turned into something that looked an awful lot like piles of Melty, Grey Ooze. That was disgustingly repulsive, mostly. Then they took a Commercial Break.


When they came back, there was a Notice on the TV Screen informing Viewers that Clive and the CameraBee were mostly okay, but they would have to bee treated for their Grievous Injuries. Then they tuned back to the Action (they must’ve had a Spare CameraBee, Gaffer, and Best Bee somewhere or something), starting with Team C.

“What is that Bag Fleur’s holding in her Wing?” Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) asked.

“I dunno,” I said. “It looks like a Bag of some sort.”

“I can see it’s a bag, uncle, but what’s IN the Bag?”

“How would I know what’s in the Bag?” I had to know.

Well, we didn’t hafta wait long to find out. It turns out that, inside the Bag, Fleur had an Exact Duplicate of the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny - a very convincing Fake version of the Real Thing. But even after we found out about that, we still didn’t know what Fleur planned to do with it.

Then they switched over to Team A, and a conversation beetween Boris and Jasmine, as Jasmine told Boris that, thanks to Fleur’s Intelligence Gathering Activities, she had found out that the only way to defeat the Screaming Banshee was to beat her in a Best-Out-of-Three-Game Parchessi Challenge. (Now we know what that folded-up Parcheesi Board was all about, don’t we?)

“If you are able to claim victory over the Banshee, we will then claim the Jewel, and will prevail in this Competition,” she told him.

“Da, fine,” Boris said. “I vill easily defeat her.”

“That is my hope,” Jasmine told him.

“Not to hope. Beelief,” he said. “I vill certainly vin.”

The reason Boris sounded so sure of himself is beecause it just so happens that he’s his Hive’s Undefeated Champion in Parcheesi. It was pretty clear from his amazingly arrogant tone of voice that he was highly confident in his abilities, and was completely sure he would defeat the Banshee. (Kevin, Great Grandma Gee Gee, and I all agreed that he was coming off as pretty insufferable, ya’ know?)

Then the Camera went back to Team C, just in time to let us hear some of the Details about a Brilliant Plan Jasmine and Fleur had apparently cooked up. It was simple: Boris would engage the Screaming Banshee in Parcheesi, and while her attention was deeply focused on the Game, someone from Team C would sneak up the side of the Mountain beehind her, very quietly snatch the real Jewel of Questionable Destiny, and replace it with the Fake One, then make their Escape beefore the Banshee discovered what was really going on. It was a very dangerous, but very beeautiful Plan, if you ask me.

When the Action returned to what was happening with Team A, we watched as Boris tucked the Parcheesi Board under his Wing, climbed up the Mountain to the Screaming Banshee’s Domain, and loudly buzzed, “I hereby challenge you to a Vinner-Take-All Parcheesi Play-Ov, Banshee!”

Just then, we got a look at the Banshee as she emerged from her Cave (she lives in a Cave, which must bee very damp, but that probably explains why she looks like she does…also, I don’t think her Cave has a Shower). If you’ve never seen her, lemme tell ya: she was highly scary-looking as she stood there. Her red eyes squinted as she just laughed at Boris, and screaming at him that he would never, ever claim the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny.

“Fool,” she cackled. “Many have tried and died in their Heavily Misguided Attempts to defeat me and claim my Jewel. Prepare to die.”

“Fine,” Boris said.

He set up the Game, making sure that the Banshee was seated with her back to the Jewel. Then they beegan to play Game One.

When the Camera switched back to Team C, we watched as Fleur gave ButterCup a Map that showed her the safest way up the Mountain to get to the Jewel.

“Why do I have to bee the one that has to do this?” ButterCup asked. “Why are you making me do this?”

Fleur just gave her a hug, and said, “Vous will bee fine, mon cher. It izz imperaTIF zat moi ztay beehind to make ze nezzezzary arrangements for our Safe Ezcape.”

“But…” ButterCup started to say, as Fleur tied the Bag with the Fake Jewel in it to her Stinger, and gave a little push up the first Big Step on the Mountainside.

ButterCup’s so brave, isn’t she?

Anyway, when we returned to the Action with the Parcheesi-Off, we found out that the Screaming Banshee had already won the first Game. All she needed was one more game and that would bee that. As the second Game started, you could tell that Boris was Highly Aggravated about losing Game One, so he was obviously taking his time making more Calculated Moves.

As it turns out, his Strategy worked perfectly, and Boris managed to beat the Banshee in Game Two. So now, they were tied, one to one. It would bee the next and final Game that would determine whether Boris would emerge Victorious, or, as the Banshee said, he’d bee dead - and if that happened, it seemed unlikely that ButterCup would bee able to get away with switching the Jewels.

And that’s where the Episode ended. Now, we hafta wait a whole, nother week to find out what happens. How frustrating is that?

“Oh dear,” Great Grandma Gee Gee said. “I do so hope things work out for everyone.” Kevin and I agreed, especially me, since it would bee very nice if ButterCup could make it back home alive and in time for the End of the Hot Season Honey Festival. I’d hate to hafta go alone.

In case you’re keeping track of things, there are only two more Episodes left in this Season: Episode 12, where we will hopefully find out what happens with Boris and the Banshee, and if ButterCup manages to swap out the Fake Jewel for the Real one - then Episode 13, the Live, Grand Finale, where we find out for sure who, if anybody, survives the Competition to win. I seriously can’t wait.

Okay then. Until next week at this exact same time and mostly same place…

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature

Escape from Bee Island: the Mystery - 10


I hafta say that, after watching Episode 10, this Competition is not only getting Ruthless, but the Intrigue Factor just went up in a major way. I’m highly intrigued.

First of all, and in case you aren’t aware (which you’re probably not), all three Teams have closed in on WaHaHoo Mountain. When we left Team Bee (or what was left of it), Nigel was beeing as Stealthy as possible while he tried to get to the Jewel of Questionable Destiny by going up the Backside of the Mountain. And that’s pretty much all we know about him, other than there was another one of those Hugely Large flashes of Light that seemed to come from beehind the Mountain, so there’s a suspicion that Nigel may have met the same Fate as Tang, and if that’s true, there might bee only two Teams left in this thing: Team A, with Boris and Jasmine, and Team C, with ButterCup and Fleur de Bee - and all of them managed to find their way to a safe spot at the foot of WaHaHoo Mountain.


So that’s a good thing. Though, it would bee nice to know what happened to Nigel. 

Anyway, while we were watching this week’s Episode, Great Grandma Gee Gee said, “Maybee I’m just a silly old Worker with an Over-Active Imagination, but I still don’t trust those two.”

“Which two?” Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew, Estranged Brother of Felonie Snark and possible Co-Heir to the Snark Empire) asked.

“Why, Fleur and Jasmine, dear. I just can’t put my Wing on it, but I just know there’s something going on beetween those two.”

“That again?” Kevin asked in that kind of voice that sounded Highly Exasperated (you know the kind). 

I was pretty much sick of listening to those two arguing all the time (I think they’ve been living in the same Space together for too long, and I’m pretty sure it’s getting to bee time that Kevin start thinking about moving out and finding his own place, but I think he’s still not sure he can afford the Rent out there. It is pretty expensive these days, but I’m mostly sure he could figure it out beecause he’s a very clever Nephew), so I said something.

“I think Gee Gee’s onto something here,” I said. “Haven’t you noticed how, every time there’s a Break in the Action, we see Fleur and Jasmine coming back from the Restroom together, and they always seem to bee carrying something different than when they went in?”

“You see, dear,” Gee Gee said to Kevin, “and you think I’m just a silly old Bee that’s just good for making my Insufferably Delicious Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™. My stars, even Georgie can see there’s something going on here beetween those two.”

“I can?” I had to ask.

“Of course, dear,” Gee Gee said. “I know you’re just as sure as I am about this.”

“Okay,” I said, though I wasn’t sure exactly what I was sure of, exactly.

So this whole thing with Jasmine and Fleur has beecome Highly Intriguing. The more I think about it, the more it appears they’re secretly Conspiring to cook up a Plan that will bee Mutually Beneficial. (I think we all know that Fleur is really big on Game Theory, so it would make sense that she’d want to deal with this Competition in the most Sensible and Positive way possible, probably.) 

One of the things I noticed was that, the last time Jasmine and Fleur came back from the Restroom, Jasmine was carrying what looked like a folded-up Parcheesi Game Board (you know - one of those Portable Parcheesi Game Boards), and Fleur was carrying that Manual that I think anybody who’s a serious Parcheesi Player owns, “Strategic Parcheesi Manoeuvres for Everyday Use”.

I’m not sure, but I think those two ARE up to something, and it involves Parcheesi. But what the hell could that all bee about?

Anyway. After Fleur and Jasmine went back to their Teams, the Intrigue got even more Intriguing. First, Jasmine gave Boris the thing that looked like a folded-up Parcheesi Game Board, and he gave her a Code Book. Now if that isn’t Suspicious, then I suspect I don’t know Suspicion. Then when Fleur got back to ButterCup (who was sitting there, waiting in her BioHazard Suit and who just kept saying, “I really, really need this to bee over.” As I might have said beefore, I feel highly sorry for her, even if she is my Girlfriend), she whispered something to her. ButterCup stood up and said, “Really?”

“Oui, mon cher,” Fleur said to her. Then they went to a brief, 22-minute Commercial.

Quite frankly, nobody can figure out what any of any of this is all about. But after the Commercial was over (which just happened to bee an ad for Parcheesi Boards, so we’re all beeginning to suspect there’s paid Product Placement going on in this Show - how greedy is that?), and just beefore this Episode ended, Clive Beexter came on and told everybody, “We wish to reassure the Viewers at Home that next week, in Episode 11, there will bee Serious Issues addressed regarding what unquestionably appear to bee Questionable Activities amongst Certain Parties who involved in the Pursuit of the Jewel of Questionable Destiny,” which, as we all know, is against the Rules.

So we’re all looking forward to that.

Beetween now and when I get back next week at approximately the same, exact time, I’m going to start looking into Rental Properties for Kevin. But don’t tell him I’m doing that. I think we all know why. So until then...

Let’s all bee highly careful out there.

GeorgieBee Signature

Escape from Bee Island: the Mystery - 9


I dunno. I think after last week’s Lecture, I’m beeginning to think my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, is right when he said, “Should we maybee change the channel and see if something else is on? This Competition seems to bee seriously going nowhere.”

When I pointed out to him that we needed to keep watching because ButterCup - and Fleur, of course - still faced Possibly Likely Non-Survival, he said, “Uncle Georgie, I know you’re very concerned about ButterCup, as I know we’re all concerned about both her and the Continued Well-Beeing of the Always-Delightful and Alluring Fleur, and even though you’re the best Uncle in the world, and I love you, I must ask: where is the Entertainment Value? I mean, if the Entertainment Value just isn’t there, what’s the point?”

He does have a point, but quite frankly, I still do need to find out if ButterCup manages to survive this whole Ordeal, even if she is my Girlfriend. In the end, we all agreed that if they can’t give us more than Pointed, Long-Winded Lectures, there are gonna bee a lot of us who just might find ourselves Channel Surfing on this thing, ya’ know what I mean? I mean, we’re not here to bee Educated, right?

Fortunately, this week’s Episode was much better. Even Kevin thought so. (Bert didn’t offer an opinion, probably beecause he was still unplugged - though I’ll bet he was listening. He always is.)

“This week’s Episode was much more engaging,” Kevin said, “so we’ll continue to watch. But if they start up with the Boring Lectures Routine again, I’m changing the Channel.”

“Fine,” I said.


The first thing that happened this week was that the Survivors of Team Bee (Umberto, Team Captain, and Double-Survivor, Nigel), managed to rejoin forces on the North Side of the River of Poo, and were heading up the Rocky Slopes of WaHaHoo Mountain after they spotted a flash of sunlight flickering off what they were sure was the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny. It looked as if they might have a Fighting Chance in this whole thing.

“There it is,” Umberto buzzed loudly. “The Jewel!”
“Good show,” Nigel said.

It looked like maybee they were about to maybee win the Competition, until all of a sudden, there was that Terrible, Mountain-Shaking Shriek. It was the Screaming Banshee. She’d spotted them coming after her Jewel, and let out an Antennae-Bending Shriek that caused a Giant Rockslide. Unfortunately, Umberto was a bit too slow, and was almost immediately squashed when a huge Boulder landed right on top of him. Ouch. But at least it was quick, mostly.

“Oh bloody hell,” Nigel kept yelling as he somehow managed to dodge all those big Rocks and Boulders that were coming at him (Nigel’s very Agile).


Later, in a “Survivor’s Interview” with Clive Beexter (Host and Island Master), he said, “I feel jolly good about my performance today. It was a tough day, but I gave it my best, and am pleased to have Prevailed. It’s a bloody shame what happen to my Mate, but he always knew what he was in for - and thank the Queen that his end came quickly, mostly.” Then he said that it was obvious he was going to have to take the Back Way up WaHaHoo Mountain to avoid the Screaming Banshee and get to the jewel that way.

“Stealth,” he said, “will bee the key to circumventing the Banshee and lead my rousing victory, old man.”

Then Nigel went off and started making his way up the Back Side of WaHaHoo Mountain and, if you ask me, he was beeing very Stealthy about it.

In the meantime, Boris and Jasmine on Team A finally stopped arguing about who would end up taking the Jewel of Questionable Destiny home with them. Somebody probably told them that there are only four more Episodes left beefore the Season Finale (when we find out who, if anybody, Survives and claims the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny), so I think everybody had better start moving things along a little faster. 

“Ve vill move northward, toward the Vestern Slope ov the Mountain and make camp near the Riffer of Poo,” Boris said.

“That would bee an acceptable Plan,” Jasmine replied, “but we must not camp too near the River, else we will certainly bee overcome by Toxic Poo Fumes. On this, I am decided.”

Boris just kind of rolled his eyes, said, “Fine,” then they started heading generally North.

But you’re probably wondering where Team C (Fleur and ButterCup) are at this point, aren’t you? Well, you’re gonna love this - it’s highly cool.

Thanks to the Specialised Equipment Fleur had secretly stashed on the Island, Fleur and ButterCup have been making steady progress toward WaHaHoo Mountain without suffering any Ill-Effects of the Island’s Toxic Environment at all. Since they were both wearing those BioHazard Suits, they were able to take the easiest route to the Mountain by going through the HoneyCane Fields. They even had enough time to take the Visitor’s Tour of the Operational Facilities, and browse the Visitor’s Tour Memorabilia Shop, where they both got a bunch of free Samples. ButterCup also bought a Souvenir Nectar Mug that says, “I Survived the Bee Island HoneyCane Fields Tour and All I Got Was This Lousy Mug”.  

Then using that
very cleverly-designed, Agency-Issued, two-passenger Glide-Along Transport Device ButterCup had been dragging along this whole time, they were able to gracefully glide right over the surface of the River of Poo, and spent the rest of the Episode setting up camp where we saw them enjoying an Evening Snack of Fire-Roasted HoneyCane. 

Then the Episode ended.

Of course, that made me feel highly hungry, so I asked Great Grandma Gee Gee if it would bee okay if I ate another Wingful of her Always-Delicious and Mostly-Nutritious and Satifying Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ beefore I left to go back to my Shoebox and go to bed.

“Of course, dear,” she said. “Take all you want, but try not to spoil your supper,” which was weird, since I already had supper beefore I even went over there. I guess she forgot that, but just the same, I said, “Fine.”

And that’s what happened this week.

It’s nice to see that the Competition is finally getting somewhere, even if there was one more Fatality this week. That’s always a good thing, usually.

So, as usual, I’ll bee back next week - same time, same place - and let you know what happens in Episode 10. I can hardly wait.

Until then, then . . .
let’s all bee highly careful out there.

GeorgieBee Signature

Escape from Bee Island: the Mystery - 8


I hafta say that this week’s Episode of “Escape from Bee Island” was highly informative, and also, at the same time, mostly dull and boring, unless you’re one of those who likes Lectures, which I’m not one of, usually.

First, let me start by giving you Summary of where each Team stands in the Competition so far:

Team A:
Status and Whereabouts Unknown

Team BEE:
Status Unknown and Whereabouts Unknown, mostly

Team C:
Status and Whereabouts Unknown.

The last thing we saw or heard from any of the Competitors was at the beeginning of this week’s Episode. That was an Interview with Nigel (who, as we all remember, surprised everybody by showing up alive in the last Episode). He had just finished saying, “I was bloody lucky to squeeze out of that one, old boy. It was a bit of a Sticky Wicket and…”, and just when he finished saying “Sticky Wicket”, everything blacked out. There was no picture, there was no sound, and nobody knew what the hell was going on.

Finally, everything came flickering back on, and the Host (and Island Master), Clive Beexter, started mostly sincerely Apologising for the Unfortunate Technical Difficulties they were experiencing.

“We deeply apologise to the Viewers who are still with us for the Unfortunate Technical Difficulties we currently seem to bee experiencing. Our Technical Staff is working on the problem, and, as you can see, they have managed to rig a Temporary Torchlight and Signal Generator, so that we are able to continue remain on the Air. We expect to have our Full Capabilities restored beefore the end of this week’s Episode.” (They didn’t.)

“In the meantime,” he continued, “in order to fill time, and in keeping with their Pledge to provide at least Marginally Valuable and Educational Content in their Broadcasts - as required under Part 4, Section 287, Paragraph 3 of the Bee Communications Act of 1989 - the Producers have asked me to use this opportunity to share with you, our Viewers a glimpse into the Ecological Devastation that has all but destroyed Bee Island.”

Then he kind of just sat there in the Torchlight, and started talking about how the Snark Brothers had moved in and built the Now-Toxic Honey Cane Operation, and how all that SquareDown™ they use has really made a mess of things in every way. I think we already knew all about that after that time BeedelBee (… or is it DeedelBee? - I can’t remember… I could never quite tell what they were saying his name was beecause, quite frankly, they were kind of mumbling…) died while he was crawling to the top of that Poison Palm Tree. So that part was pretty much boring.

Then Clive finally started dragging out some Visual Aids - well, it was actually just one Visual Aid. That was a Map of Bee Island (and which looked suspiciously like the same Map of Bee Island that Fleur had, if you ask me). He used a highly attractive Laser Pointer to direct our attention to the Area of the Map that showed the Mouth of the River of Poo on the North-Left End of the Island.


“Please allow me to direct your attention to the Mouth of the River of Poo, which is conveniently located on the North-Left End of Bee Island. As you’ll notice, it is situated dangerously near a very active Shipping Lane, where every day, dozens and dozens of Transport Ships, Commercial Tankers, Cargo Ships, Cruise Ships, Tugboats, Pontoons, Sailboats, Yachts, Rowboats, Canoes, and Rubber Rafts pass every, single day. It is the Currents from those passing Seagoing Vessels and what those Currents carry with them that feeds the now-Foul and Toxic River of Poo.

Then the camera kind of turned, Clive looked at us sideways, the music got all dramatic, and he and started talking in that “This Is Important, so Listen Carefully-Or Else” voice of his.

“Let me interrupt with a bit of history for a moment,” he beegan. “The River of Poo hasn’t always been so Foul and Toxic. Oh no, it most certainly has not. At one time, the Precious Waters of the Poo ran clear and clean. The Native Inhabitants of this Once-Island-Paradise relied on the River’s Bounty for their survival. It’s original name, ‘Poo’, comes from those same, Local Inhabitants, and meant - literally translated, ‘Winding, Liquid River that Starts Up OverThere and Ends Somewhere Down There Where Flow Flowing Waters Sweet” - or ‘Poo’, for short.

“So what turned the River of Poo into a River of Poo, you may ask? As all the Assorted Seagoing Vessels I told you about beefore floated past the Mouth of the River, too many of them beegan dumping their Poo and other Toxic, Insoluable, Unwanted Substances right into the water. And all of that Vile Material hast ended up beeing sucked up and carried down the River, transforming the formerly Pristine Waterway into the Vile, Toxic River of Poo we see today.”

“That’s disgraceful,” Great Grandma Gee Gee said while we all sat there listening to Clive unravel a terrible tale of Pollution and Irresponsibility Gone Mad.

“My heavens, in this Day and Age, how could such a thing happen, dear?” She said.

“Are you addressing that question to me?” Kevin (my Illegitimate Nephew) asked her.

“No, dear, I was asking Bert,” she said. (As I’m sure we all remember, I plugged Bert back in last week, so he was awake during this week’s Episode), so I’m sure Gee Gee felt confident that beeing the Purely Objective Artificially-Intelligent Mechanical Entity he is, he’d bee able to condense all the Pertinent and Available Data, and come up with a fairly decent Answer.

“I’m sorry, Gee Gee,” Kevin told her, “but if you wish to address a Question to Bert, you must press this Button on his Left Forearm, and say slowly and clearly, ‘Excuse me, Bert’, then he will bee in Listening Mode. So you will need to ask your question again, beecause he could not have possibly heard you.”

Gee Gee was just about to do that, when Bert unexpectedly spoke up and said, “Activation of Listening Mode will not bee necessary. I was listening. I heard everything. I am always listening. And thank you for asking. Your questions are sometimes appreciated,” he said in that Whirry Voice of his.

“According to recently-collected, Available and Pertinent Data to which you refer in your question, and which directly pertains to the Continued Responsible Use of our Waterways,” Bert beegan, “there has been an expanding problem with Assorted, Seagoing Vessels - and others - dumping their Refuse and other Unmentionable, Toxic and frequently Insoluble Substances into our Lakes, Rivers, Streams, Ponds, Seas, and Oceans. Unfortunately, the accelerated pace of their ongoing Negligence has significantly contributed to a growing problem of irrevocably damaging previously Balanced Ecosystemic Environments and perpetuating a Cycle of self-destructive Beehaviour. The Problem has been significantly exacerbated by Unenforced or Absent Laws which, if implemented and enforced, would significantly serve to protect these areas from continued, and Catastrophic Damage.

“As our Host and Island Master, Clive Beexter, pointed out to us, the River of Poo found running through Bee Island is the End Product of this thoughtless Negligence. I trust I have answered your Question.”

Well, he hadn’t answered it as far as I was concerned, but Gee Gee just kind of sighed and said, “Thank you, dear.”
(No, it hadn’t, not for me anyway.)

Then Bert kind of beeped and whirred and said, “The current time, on my Mark, is 17 hundred hours, 28 minutes, and 13 seconds. Mark. The current, local outdoor temperature is a balmy 299.0389 Kelvins.”

Geeeeeeezzzze. I hafta say that sometimes I have a real problem understanding what in the hell Bert is even saying. I feel like I need a dictionary or something, ya’ know what I mean? I was gonna ask him to repeat what he’d just said in a different way so I could understand him, but beefore I could do that, Kevin reached over, flipped a switch on Bert’s back, and Bert went into Sleep Mode.

I hafta say that I think it’s beeyond creepy to think that Bert could probably still hear what everybody was saying, even after Kevin put him in Sleep Mode, don’t you? I hope I didn’t say anything Untoward beefore I left and went home that night, ya’ know what I mean?

Anyway, the Lecture - and the Episode - finally ended with Clive telling us to “Bee sure to tune in again next week, when we’ll bee checking in on the current, Surviving Teams,” then they went to that commercial that I’m pretty sure they’ve already shown us about 3,897 times, at least, and I still can’t figure out what they’re trying to sell. I wish they’d run of it already, whatever it is.

I’m sure next week’s Episode will bee a lot better, especially if they fix that Power Failure, so you can for sure trust me when I say that, next week at this same time, I’ll bee back to tell everybody who isn’t watching the Show beecause of that Outrageously Highly-Over-Priced Subscription Fee you hafta pay to see what happens next, what happens next. So until then . . .

Let’s all bee highly careful out there!

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