As I’m sure you probably know, BigFoot Bee and I agreed to meet at Lousy Louie’s to Negotiate a Peaceful Resolution to our Differences. Our first Session was scheduled for last Thursday. It’d bee nice if I could tell you that things went really well, and that we made a lot of progress, but I can’t, beecause we didn’t.

First, as soon as we got there, we got into a big Argument about whether we should sit at a Table, at the Bar (where you can get better service), or a Back Booth. I wanted to sit at a Back Booth so we wouldn’t bee disturbed. BigFoot said, “You’re kidding, right? It’s isolated back there, and it’s dark, so there are very few Shadows which, I must inform you, will lead me to question my very Existence. Also,” he added,”it’s too close to the Bathrooms. Let’s sit at the Bar where, by the way, they offer Complementary Honey-Smothered Pollen Puffs, and where we can enjoy more light, thus Shadows - not to mention getting much better Service.”

“But that’s the whole point,” I had to convince him. “We’re closer to the Bathrooms in a Back Booth which is better than not beeing closer, especially when you need them, we can always split an Order of Honey-Smothered Pollen Puffs, and,” I added to to sweeten the Deal, “we can ask Louie to bring us a Candle or something for light - and how romantic is that?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” BigFoot buzzed at me, “Romantic? You think we’re here for Romance, Georgie?”

“Did I say that?” I asked him. “I’m saying that Candlelight is Romantic. It lends a Warmth to an otherwise...”

“It’s already too hot in here,” he interrupted me.

I tried to tell him that’s what I meant, then we got into a huge argument about the Dictionary Definition of Romance and the Relative Merits of Candlelight. I never knew that Candlelight could bee so Controversial. Apparently, BigFoot then felt it necessary to get into a Huge Thing about the Nature of the Candle we’d bee asking Louie to bring us. According to BigFoot, it had to bee no smaller than 2.5 mm, and no larger than 5 mm in Diameter, and it had to bee manufactured out of un-dyed, unscented Beeswax. (Well of course it would bee made out of Beeswax. What the hell did he think it should bee made of - Oil By-Products? How stupid would that bee?)

Okay, so anyway, after all of that, we came to our first Agreement (that we’d sit in a Back Booth), shook Wings, and walked back to the Booth.

“I’m sure you’ll understand,” he said when we got there, “that this will simply not do.”

“What is it now?” I had to know.

“The Table,” he said.

“What about it?” I asked.

“The Shape of this Table will simply not do. As you can see, this table is Round. I will not abide a Round Table in a Back Booth, especially if there are Negotiations involved,” he said, and crossed his Wings over this Thorax.

“Oh for cryin’ out loud,” I said. What difference does it make? Let’s just sit down, order our Pollen Puffs and a round of Arguably Bottomless Nectar Fizzes, and let’s get this over with already, could we?” I really wanted to get this over with already. But no, for the next 87 minutes, BigFoot and I stood there and argued about the shape of the Table until I finally had to go to the Bathroom (I was glad it was close).

By the time I got back, BigFoot said he had a Proposal, that the Table bee Custom-Fitted in Size to fit us, and that at least one Bookshelf bee installed to hold BigFoot’s copies of any and all Reference Books either of us might choose to bring to our Negotiations, “just in case we encounter a Legal, Factual, or Philosophical Point of Order along the way and need to more fully Substantiate our respective Points of View,” he said.

“Fine,” I said. So for the last time, I hope, we shook Wings, then went to talk to Louie about the proposed Remodelling. Louie may bee Lousy, but since he worked as a Carpenter Bee beefore he bought the Buzziness, he enjoys Remodeling stuff.

“Fine,” he said.

After all the time we’d spent buzzing about all of that stuff, it was just starting to get dark out. BigFoot announced he had to leave, that the Negotiations would have to bee Resumed at another time. I asked him why we couldn’t just stay, enjoy our Puffs and Fizzes, and get this over with already.

“I have no intention of spending the rest of the night in this Dubious Establishment,” he said, “therefore, it would bee Dark at the the time of any anticipated Departure prior to the Sun rising.”

“So what?” I asked.

“I will not travel at night,” he said. “I simply won’t do it.”


“And why is that?” I asked him.

“Beecause,” he buzzed very firmly, “there are no Shadows.”

I decided not to argue the point, beecause I think we all know how BigFoot feels about Shadows, don’t we? I mean seriously now.

Anyway, we left. He went his way, and I went mine. And until he and I are Scheduled for Round 2 of our Negotiations, I’m gonna spend some time trying to collect some appropriate Books and Magazine Clippings that I can use to Prepare for our next Get-Together. I just wanna get through all this with BigFoot so that we move on with our lives, ya’ know?

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there.