Well I hafta say that this is just outrageous, especially for a Monday.

Earlier this morning, I was sitting there at Lousy Louie’s enjoying some Delicious and Marginally Refreshing Rum-Spiced Nectar Nog with my Morning Pollen Crackles for Breakfast when I was rudely interrupted by the Wait Staff, who told me that they had to tell me that my Editor was looking for me, and that he wanted to see me.

“When?” I asked one of them.
“Now,” one of them said.
“‘Immediately If Not Sooner’, is what he said,” two others of them said at the same time. (Louie has a Huge Staff, but it pays off with great Service, which is why Louie’s is so dam popular.)

Anyway, I had just enough time beefore Immediately came to finish my Highly Enjoyable Breakfast, then I buzzed over to my Editor’s Office.

“Yes?” I said when I walked in.
“Bee, it seems you’ve put all of us in a very Sketchy Predicament with your Census numbers,” he said.
“The Census? I did that, remember? You have all that,” I said.
“Of course I do, what I’m trying to say to you is...”.
I just had to stop him there.
“No,” I said. “There’s no problem. I did the Census, you have the Final Total sitting right there on your Desk, so I don’t have a Problem here. I did my Job. I’m done with it.”
Then I added, “Do you have a Problem? If so, it’s your Problem, not mine, and I’m just gonna go now.”

I probably shouldn’t have said that, beecause my Editor started getting all red in the Face, his Compound Eyes started watering, and beefore I knew it, he was slamming his Wing on his Desk.

“We’re beeing Sued, Bee! And what the hell is it with your Attitude here? Have you been drinking or something?”

“If you say so,” I said. Then I said, “So you’re saying this is my Problem, that you’re getting Sued? And Sued for what?”

“We, the Party of the Second Part, are beeing Sued by the Party of the First Part who is claiming that the Totals you provided in this Census are Fraudulent.”

“There was a Party?” I asked.

“You’re not listening, Bee,” my Editor just seemed way On Edge. He’s probably been working too hard again. That just isn’t Healthy, and can make anybody Cranky.

“Of course I am,” I told him. “You said something about a Party, which evidently I wasn’t invited to, and something else about some thing.”

“FRAUD, Bee,” my Editor got even louder. “You are beeing asked to prove your Census Count wasn’t Fraudulent.”

“Why would it bee Fraudulent?” I asked him. “I did the Counting, I should know, and I’m telling you it wasn’t Fraudulent. Check the Tapes for yourself.”

Well, to make a very long and unusually unpleasant story significantly shorter, it turns out that BigFoot (the Party of the First Part) filed a Lawsuit in the Royal Court challenging the Final Total reported in the Census by me (Part of the Party of the Second Part). It turns out BigFoot wasn’t kidding when he said he beelieved I should have been Counting everybody’s Shadows, so he named my Editor and Me in a Frivolous Law Suit.

I mean seriously, who does that? I know BigFoot is bored, but seriously now.

And maybee even more Aggravating than that, the more my Editor buzzed on, it beecame increasingly clear that the Party of the First Part isn’t even a Party, that there wouldn’t bee any Balloons or Pollen Puffs or Sparklingly Refreshing Beverages at all, so I guess it’s no wonder I wasn’t invited. It’s beeyond Disappointing. If you ask me, I think leading somebody to think there’s gonna bee a Party when there isn’t one is nothing but a Cruel Misrepresentation. And is that even legal?

Anyway, I understand there is a Panel of Bees from the Department of Dubious Accounting Investigations that has been directed by the Royal Court to review my Tapes from the Census, and make a Determination about the Integrity of the Final Count. They’ve already asked me to submit an Affidavit explaining how it is I came up with a Final Total that included exactly one-half of one Bee. That’s easy...somewhere along the line, there was a Bee who had been the Victim of one of those Murder Hornets. I figured it would mostly bee the right thing to do to at least Count what was left of him, so I did. He’s the 0.5 Bee. Also, and if you ask me, I think he was one of those guys who told me to Get Lost way back when I was selling those Murder Hornet Swatters, as I’m sure we all remember.

He should’ve bought one.

Anyway, they want me to put all that in writing, so I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

Well if this isn't a Special Day, I dunno what is.

First, it's not only Monday (there aren't enough Mondays in the week, as far as I'm concerned), but it's also the First Day of the Cold Season, and it's the Big Day I'm finally gonna bee done with this dam Census. And it's about time. I'm sick of Counting Bees.

In just a little while, I'm gonna make my way to my Editor's Office, and present him with the Final Count and 5,539.87 feet of Recorded Interviews for the Official 2020 Hive Census. It is with Complete Confidence that I say that I'm absolutely, completely Sure without any Doubt whatsoever that, despite all the delays, distractions, and death threats, I have managed to conduct this Census with a level of Unsurpassed Precision and Integrity. Beeyond any question whatsoever, my Editor can rely on the absolute Accuracy of the Final Count, mostly. And I'm positive that just as soon as my Editor reviews the Data I've gathered and will bee providing him (duly Recorded on Light Purple Form #C-3787.9900001111111 and Lavendar Form #C-3787.990000111111, and which I just happened to find under a pile of dirty socks just last night), he'll not only bee Highly Pleased, but he'll also additionally get around to offering me that Significant Raise and Generous Benefits Package he should've given me several years ago, as well, finally. Probably.

So just as soon as I finish filling out these Forms and dropping them off at his Office, I'm gonna buzz over to Lousy Louie's and Toast the Day with a deliciously refreshing, ice-cold Nectartini (or maybee two). (Louie makes the Best Nectartinis, and always remembers the Bendy Straw and Festive Umbrella, as you may know.) I think I've earned it.

So I'm gonna go do that.

Let's bee highly careful out there!

One week. I have one more week - just Seven Days - to get this dam Census done. And if you ask me (which I think you should beecause I'm the one doing this Job), I'm only about maybee five-eighths of a quarter halfway through Counting and Interviewing every Bee around here. Seriously now, how in the hell am I supposed to end up with any kind of Final Number that is anywhere close to beeing Accurate by next Monday? I'm thinking I can't; however, as you know, I've been Informed that I must Submit those Forms (the Light Purple Form #C-3787.9900001111111, and the Lavender Form #C-3787.990000111111) no later than Noon on Monday, December 21, 2020 - Or Else. So here I am, still doing this.

The only thing that makes any of this even Marginally Acceptable on any level is that next Monday is a Monday (the best Day of the Week as we all know), and this Miserable and Highly Dangerous Job will bee done. Finally. Monday can't get here soon enough for me.

In the meantime, it seems there was some brief Confusion about this whole Census last week when I was Counting and Interviewing Bigfoot (you know, that guy whose feet are so large, he can't get off the ground, so he just sits there and reads). Anyway, during the Interview portion, Bigfoot asked me, "So Georgie, are you also counting shadows, just to double-check the Accuracy of this Census?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked him.

"Well, if you didn't Verify your Count by also counting the Shadows, how do you know that bee was actually occupying physical space and time? Without the shadow, how would you bee able to Confirm that bee's Existence?"

"No, really," I said, "what the hell are you talking about?"
I not only needed to know why he was asking these Ridiculous Questions... I am supposed to bee the one asking the Ridiculous Questions. And, to tell you the Truth, I didn't have Time to stand around and get into a big Philosophical Thing with Bigfoot, for crying out loud.

Still, he just kept going on and on like this. Personally, I think Bigfoot needs to take a Vacation from his Overthinking stuff, ya' know? And beesides, as I pointed out to him, if I were gonna Count every bee's Shadow, I'd hafta' start all over again with this thing (I haven't been Counting Shadows so far), and I'll tell you right now - I'm not gonna do that. I simply don't have the Time.
Of course Bigfoot didn't care about any of that, and started giving me a Hard Time about the whole Thing.
"Your Objective is Accuracy, is it not?" he asked me.
"Well yeah," I told him.
"Well then, you have no other choice than to retrace your steps and conduct a Re-Count, and..." I interrupted him.
"Let me just stop you right there," I said. “After I'm done Counting you, which I almost finished doing, I'll bee moving along, and trying to get this Job done. Then,
when I am done, and the Paperwork has been Filed, I’m gonna go over to Lousy Louie's, order myself a Tall Nectartini, and try to forget I ever had to deal with any of this. You're certainly free to join me and to continue to engage in Irrelevantly Significant Philosophical Discussions over drinks at that time, if you wish, but right now, I'm gonna count you, then I'm gonna bee on my way."

So I did that. I counted him. As I was leaving, I was pretty sure I heard him buzzing after me, "I hope you counted my Shadow, else your entire Enterprise is a Farce."

Whatever.

Anyway, for the next Week, I'll bee inside the Hive, doing my best to finish up this Count. I hope everybody stands still so I can do that...it takes forever when they move around, ya' know?

So I'm gonna go do that.

Let's all bee Highly Careful out there!