If you’re anything like me, you’re every bit as happy as I am that it’s finally Monday again, the best day of the week. It’s about the only day I get a chance to stretch my Wings and catch my breath. And I hafta say that today, I’m pretty much exhausted. Lemme tell ya’, the past few weeks have been a real pain in the stinger.

First (and as I mentioned the last time we visited), I had to buzz over to the Snark Brothers Enterprises headquarters recently to count (and Interview) everybody there. That included Narville and Chaz Snark, Narville’s Allegedly Legitimate Daughter, Felonie Snark, and anybody else who happened to bee working there. That ordeal started with Narville Snark. After waiting four-and-a-half hours in his Waiting Room, he finally agreed to see me. (“You have two minutes,” his Secretary told me. “Use it wisely.”)

Finally, I was shown into his Office and he pointed to a Chair (we all know what that means, don’t we?), so I sat down.

“I sees yous is outta’ da Hospital, bee,” he said.
“Yes, and thank you so very much for that whole thing,” I said, mostly sarcastically.
“Yous is welcome, bee,” he said, but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t beeing sarcastic.
“So what is it yous wants?” He seemed impatient.
“I’m here to conduct the Hive Census,” I told him.
“And what da’ hell does that means, bee?”

I was surprised he didn’t know what a Census is. I thought everybody knew what a Census was. Apparently not.

“I need to count and to conduct a brief but Needlessly Intrusive Interview with you and everybody else that works here,” I told him. “It’s for Official Purposes.”
“Maybee yous tink yous gonna do dat, and maybee yous even wants to do dat, but yous not gonna bee doin’ dat, bee. Wes don’t wants yous snooping around here, asking questions, and stickin yous nose into places it don’t beelong. Somebody could gets hoit. Do wes understands one anuder?”

He seemed annoyed, so I decided not to correct him over mentioning my sticking my nose into places, since I don’t have a nose, exactly.

“Fine,” I said, “I can already at least Count you, and Chaz, and Felonie, but may I at least ask how many other Bees you Employ here at your Questionably Fine Facility?”

“Yous mays not,” Narville said, “nor mays yous ask where deys comes from, if yous knows whats good for yous.”

“Geeeeze. It’s not as if I was gonna turn you in for having Possibly Illegal Bees working for you,” I tried to explain to him, “I’m simply trying to do my Job here, and obtain a Mostly Precise Count of the Bees in this area, even the ones that might not have Papers. I just hafta count everybody, that’s all.”

“So yous tinks we has Illegal Bees here, does yous bee? Is dat it?” Narville got that Highly Unfriendly Look in his Compound Eyes (you know the one), and said, “I suggests yous leaves da premises - or Else.”

So I did that. The last thing I need to do is spend another month with Nurse Beeatrice tied to a bed in the Hive Clinic. I’m mostly sure that nobody wants that, hopefully.

After Carefully Considering all the Observed Activity at the Snark Brothers Facility, and doing some Rudimentary Speculative Calculations, I kind of guessed that they are almost exactly 873.5 Bees working there, so I added that number to my Total (so far), then decided to pay an Official Census Visit to my Always-Affectionate and Usually Understandingly Forgiving Girlfriend, ButterCup. When she answered her Cell Door, I could tell she was Highly Excited and Happy to see me.

“What?” she said in that Aggressively Curious tone she has.

I told her I was there to Count and Interview her for the Census, and she said, “Not now, Georgie. This is a very Inconvenient Time. Fleur and I are doing our Antennae and Waxing our Stingers. You just don’t stop in the middle of something like that. I would suggest that you come back at a more Convenient Time, maybee sometime after next Tuesday, when our Schedules will bee able to better accommodate you.” Then she gave me a quick Hug and went back to her Antennae thing. Whatever.

If you ask me, I think her Antennae and Stinger look perfectly fine, usually, (and so do Fleur’s, but don’t tell ButterCup I said that).

You know, if I keep having to put up with all these Obstructions and Delays, I’ll never get this Census done beefore the Deadline which just happens to bee an Unreasonably Short Three Weeks away. That’s like less than 22 days, I think. And I hafta say that, as much as I’ve tried, I’m not at all sure this Census is even gonna end up beeing mostly Accurate, but the fact is that I just hafta keep going with this thing. Or Else.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

Okay, so I’m finally able to take a short break from my Census Duties, and let everybody know what’s been going on.

First, I met with my Editor and talked to him about getting an Alternative to that list of Inappropriately Prying Questions he gave me that I’m supposed to ask every Bee I count.

“What are you talking about, bee?” he asked me, so I held up the list. He snatched it out of my Wing and started reading it.

“Oh for crying out loud, Bee,” he said, “you haven’t been asking everybody THESE questions, have you?”

“Of course I have, just like you told me to,” I said.

“You have the wrong list, bee. These questions are the ones Ph.Bee, the Hive Doctor, gave me to answer beefore my next Appointment. They’re Highly Personal. These are NOT the questions you’re supposed to bee asking for the Census. You grabbed the wrong List.”

Then he gave me a New List of Questions and said, “THESE are the Questions you should have been asking. You have to start over from the beeginning and do this Job right - or Else! Now get the Hell out of my Office!”

So I did that. And I also had to start all over with Counting and Interviewing everybody for this Census.

Geeeeeeeeze. With only 39 days left in the Cool Season, I’m not completely sure I’ll bee able to make the deadline of having all this done beefore the beeginning of the Cold Season. Seriously now. I should’ve asked my Editor for an Extension, but I got the feeling he wasn’t in the Mood.

Anyway, so far I’ve Counted and Interviewed exactly 6,287 Bees for this Census, but there are a hell of a lot more Bees to go on this thing.

I hafta say that I was glad I waited to Count and Interview Great Grandma Gee Gee until after I had the new Questions. I wasn’t looking forward to asking her how many Orgasms she’d had in the last month, if you know what I mean. I’m thinking that would have been more than awkward. Instead, I asked her about her Lineage. Of course, that opened up a whole Thing and she spent about two hours and 23 minutes telling me all about her Family History dating back to her Ancestors arriving in this country from Europe, and the role they all played during the Revolution, supplying Honey to the Human Troops. That was marginally fascinating. Luckily, the whole time she was talking, I got to just sit there and munch on a whole bunch of her Delicious and Marginally Nutritious Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™. I ate so many of them that I fell asleep while she was still talking, so it’s a good thing that Tape Recorder was going most of the time (it ran out of tape about halfway through her Interview…as I said, she was very Long-Winded).

Well, I guess my Break is over, and I need to get back To It. My next stop is the Snark Brothers (who make me Seriously Nervous for a lot of Reasons), but they have to bee Counted and Interviewed just like everybody else.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!