Georgie Testifies . . .


So the next time somebody tries to tell me that I hafta conduct a Hive Census, remind me to remember not to forget to say, “Don’t make me do that.”  Seriously now.

For the past, two weeks, I’ve been trapped in the Royal Courtroom as the Around-the-Sundial Hearings regarding Case #553012-87Bee: BigFoot Bee vs the Hive Beeureau of Organic Population Accounting and Possibly Inappropriate Personal Data Acquisition, Georgie A. Bee, et. al”, have been going on.

When the Trial first started, they told me I had to bee Present inside the Royal Courtroom, and wait until I was called to enter my Officially Sworn Testimony - which they finally just did, and which I did, also (gave the Testimony).

Of course, after beeing trapped in that Court Room for over two weeks now with not much Honey or Nectar (I’m amazingly Hungry), and NO Bathroom, I almost passed out and soiled myself by the time they called me to Testify. And how Embarrassing would that bee, not to mention Unsanitary?

You’ve probably guessed that I need to find a Bathroom, but beefore I do, I thought it would only bee the Polite and Informative Thing to Do to let you know what’s been going on for the past couple of weeks. I knew you, my Beeloved Readers, have been Highly Curious, and clinging to the Edge of your Seat in the Excruciating Agony of Not Knowing, probably. So I’ll hold it a little longer, and tell you.

Okay, so as I’m sure you’ll recall, BigFoot Bee has named me in a Frivolous Lawsuit, claiming that my Final Count on the Census was Fraudulent, simply beecause I didn’t count every bee’s Shadow. As I just Testified, he is out of his Mind if he thinks I should’ve Counted Shadows, and, as I just told the Court, there is NO need to bee Questioning my Valid Tabulations. I know my Final Count was Highly Accurate, beecause I have all the Tally Sheets and Taped Interviews. This whole thing is Ridiculous.

Wow do I need to find a Bathroom.  

Anyway, it’s been bad enough that I’ve had to Hold It all this time, but they also stuck me way in the back of the Court Room for the entire Hearing, which meant that I couldn’t hear a dam thing that was beeing said. That was a Drag, especially when they were apparently buzzing about me, which was most of the time. How unfair is that? I don’t think anybody should bee able to talk about you beehind your back in Court, do you? Just the same, I could tell every time they were buzzing about me, beecause I could see BigFoot’s Lawyer, S.O.Bee, pointing his Wing at me sitting there in the Back of the Court, trying to Hold It as I am now, then everybody would turn around and Stare at me. And how uncomfortable was that? I mean, it was bad enough they wouldn’t let me go to the Bathroom. I think everybody Staring at you like that, especially when you have to go to the Bathroom, is Highly Rude, don’t you?

And why wouldn’t they let me go to the Bathroom? I’ll tell you. It was beecause of all the Threatening Protests going on outside the Court. Those have been going on for more than two weeks now, and I hafta say it’s gotten Ridiculous.

As a matter of Fact, the last time I asked them if I could use the Bathroom, a very unpleasant-looking Security Bee told me, “Under Normal Circumstances, we would issue you a Permit, and you would bee allowed to use the Facilities - with Strict Supervision; however,” he kept glaring at me, ”under the Current Circumstances, and to provide for your Safety as well as the Security of the Court, we must Lock and Barricade all Entries and Exits, and deny your Request. It is my Assigned Duty to help assure that Security. So just sit there, bee quiet and stop Complaining.”

“I didn’t say anything. I wasn’t…,” I started to tell him.

“What did I just say?” he said in a way that made me think that wasn’t really a Question.

So I did that.

Anyway, during this whole Mess, bees on both sides of the Issue have been getting more and more Agitated. The Pro BigFoot Swarm (the ones Protesting - the bees who were Mistakenly Convinced that the Census was Fraudulent), have made so much Trouble outside the Court, that we’ve all been trapped inside. With no Bathroom - even though I saw the Judge and the Lawyers leave a few times through a Back Exit, which I don’t think was fair at all. The Buzzing got so loud even the Royal Judge couldn’t hear what was going on, and of course I already had to go to the Bathroom even beefore they had to bring in all those Security Bouncers to deal with the Situation. I gotta say that it was a real Drag when they Barricaded the Doors and wouldn’t let anybody in or out, beecause, as I should mention, I already really, really needed to find a Bathroom in a Major Way. I’m just glad I finally got to Testify without Soiling myself, that the Situation was brought under Control, and I got to leave and so I could get to a Bathroom.

So I gotta go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!


A Frivolous Lawsuit...


Well I hafta say that this is just outrageous, especially for a Monday.

Earlier this morning, I was sitting there at Lousy Louie’s enjoying some Delicious and Marginally Refreshing Rum-Spiced Nectar Nog with my Morning Pollen Crackles for Breakfast when I was rudely interrupted by the Wait Staff, who told me that they had to tell me that my Editor was looking for me, and that he wanted to see me.

“When?” I asked one of them.
“Now,” one of them said.
“‘Immediately If Not Sooner’, is what he said,” two others of them said at the same time. (Louie has a Huge Staff, but it pays off with great Service, which is why Louie’s is so dam popular.)

Anyway, I had just enough time beefore Immediately came to finish my Highly Enjoyable Breakfast, then I buzzed over to my Editor’s Office.

“Yes?” I said when I walked in.
“Bee, it seems you’ve put all of us in a very Sketchy Predicament with your Census numbers,” he said.
“The Census? I did that, remember? You have all that,” I said.
“Of course I do, what I’m trying to say to you is...”.
I just had to stop him there.
“No,” I said. “There’s no problem. I did the Census, you have the Final Total sitting right there on your Desk, so I don’t have a Problem here. I did my Job. I’m done with it.”
Then I added, “Do you have a Problem? If so, it’s your Problem, not mine, and I’m just gonna go now.”

I probably shouldn’t have said that, beecause my Editor started getting all red in the Face, his Compound Eyes started watering, and beefore I knew it, he was slamming his Wing on his Desk.

“We’re beeing Sued, Bee! And what the hell is it with your Attitude here? Have you been drinking or something?”

“If you say so,” I said. Then I said, “So you’re saying this is my Problem, that you’re getting Sued? And Sued for what?”

“We, the Party of the Second Part, are beeing Sued by the Party of the First Part who is claiming that the Totals you provided in this Census are Fraudulent.”

“There was a Party?” I asked.

“You’re not listening, Bee,” my Editor just seemed way On Edge. He’s probably been working too hard again. That just isn’t Healthy, and can make anybody Cranky.

“Of course I am,” I told him. “You said something about a Party, which evidently I wasn’t invited to, and something else about some thing.”

“FRAUD, Bee,” my Editor got even louder. “You are beeing asked to prove your Census Count wasn’t Fraudulent.”

“Why would it bee Fraudulent?” I asked him. “I did the Counting, I should know, and I’m telling you it wasn’t Fraudulent. Check the Tapes for yourself.”

Well, to make a very long and unusually unpleasant story significantly shorter, it turns out that BigFoot (the Party of the First Part) filed a Lawsuit in the Royal Court challenging the Final Total reported in the Census by me (Part of the Party of the Second Part). It turns out BigFoot wasn’t kidding when he said he beelieved I should have been Counting everybody’s Shadows, so he named my Editor and Me in a Frivolous Law Suit.

I mean seriously, who does that? I know BigFoot is bored, but seriously now.

And maybee even more Aggravating than that, the more my Editor buzzed on, it beecame increasingly clear that the Party of the First Part isn’t even a Party, that there wouldn’t bee any Balloons or Pollen Puffs or Sparklingly Refreshing Beverages at all, so I guess it’s no wonder I wasn’t invited. It’s beeyond Disappointing. If you ask me, I think leading somebody to think there’s gonna bee a Party when there isn’t one is nothing but a Cruel Misrepresentation. And is that even legal?

Anyway, I understand there is a Panel of Bees from the Department of Dubious Accounting Investigations that has been directed by the Royal Court to review my Tapes from the Census, and make a Determination about the Integrity of the Final Count. They’ve already asked me to submit an Affidavit explaining how it is I came up with a Final Total that included exactly one-half of one Bee. That’s easy...somewhere along the line, there was a Bee who had been the Victim of one of those Murder Hornets. I figured it would mostly bee the right thing to do to at least Count what was left of him, so I did. He’s the 0.5 Bee. Also, and if you ask me, I think he was one of those guys who told me to Get Lost way back when I was selling those Murder Hornet Swatters, as I’m sure we all remember.

He should’ve bought one.

Anyway, they want me to put all that in writing, so I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!


The Census is Complete!


Well if this isn't a Special Day, I dunno what is.

First, it's not only Monday (there aren't enough Mondays in the week, as far as I'm concerned), but it's also the First Day of the Cold Season, and it's the Big Day I'm finally gonna bee done with this dam Census. And it's about time. I'm sick of Counting Bees.

In just a little while, I'm gonna make my way to my Editor's Office, and present him with the Final Count and 5,539.87 feet of Recorded Interviews for the Official 2020 Hive Census. It is with Complete Confidence that I say that I'm absolutely, completely Sure without any Doubt whatsoever that, despite all the delays, distractions, and death threats, I have managed to conduct this Census with a level of Unsurpassed Precision and Integrity. Beeyond any question whatsoever, my Editor can rely on the absolute Accuracy of the Final Count, mostly. And I'm positive that just as soon as my Editor reviews the Data I've gathered and will bee providing him (duly Recorded on Light Purple Form #C-3787.9900001111111 and Lavendar Form #C-3787.990000111111, and which I just happened to find under a pile of dirty socks just last night), he'll not only bee Highly Pleased, but he'll also additionally get around to offering me that Significant Raise and Generous Benefits Package he should've given me several years ago, as well, finally. Probably.

So just as soon as I finish filling out these Forms and dropping them off at his Office, I'm gonna buzz over to Lousy Louie's and Toast the Day with a deliciously refreshing, ice-cold Nectartini (or maybee two). (Louie makes the Best Nectartinis, and always remembers the Bendy Straw and Festive Umbrella, as you may know.) I think I've earned it.

So I'm gonna go do that.

Let's bee highly careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature

Georgie has ONE WEEK left to finish the Census...


One week. I have one more week - just Seven Days - to get this dam Census done. And if you ask me (which I think you should beecause I'm the one doing this Job), I'm only about maybee five-eighths of a quarter halfway through Counting and Interviewing every Bee around here. Seriously now, how in the hell am I supposed to end up with any kind of Final Number that is anywhere close to beeing Accurate by next Monday? I'm thinking I can't; however, as you know, I've been Informed that I must Submit those Forms (the Light Purple Form #C-3787.9900001111111, and the Lavender Form #C-3787.990000111111) no later than Noon on Monday, December 21, 2020 - Or Else. So here I am, still doing this.

The only thing that makes any of this even Marginally Acceptable on any level is that next Monday is a Monday (the best Day of the Week as we all know), and this Miserable and Highly Dangerous Job will bee done. Finally. Monday can't get here soon enough for me.

In the meantime, it seems there was some brief Confusion about this whole Census last week when I was Counting and Interviewing Bigfoot (you know, that guy whose feet are so large, he can't get off the ground, so he just sits there and reads). Anyway, during the Interview portion, Bigfoot asked me, "So Georgie, are you also counting shadows, just to double-check the Accuracy of this Census?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked him.

"Well, if you didn't Verify your Count by also counting the Shadows, how do you know that bee was actually occupying physical space and time? Without the shadow, how would you bee able to Confirm that bee's Existence?"

"No, really," I said, "what the hell are you talking about?"
I not only needed to know why he was asking these Ridiculous Questions... I am supposed to bee the one asking the Ridiculous Questions. And, to tell you the Truth, I didn't have Time to stand around and get into a big Philosophical Thing with Bigfoot, for crying out loud.

Still, he just kept going on and on like this. Personally, I think Bigfoot needs to take a Vacation from his Overthinking stuff, ya' know? And beesides, as I pointed out to him, if I were gonna Count every bee's Shadow, I'd hafta' start all over again with this thing (I haven't been Counting Shadows so far), and I'll tell you right now - I'm not gonna do that. I simply don't have the Time.
Of course Bigfoot didn't care about any of that, and started giving me a Hard Time about the whole Thing.
"Your Objective is Accuracy, is it not?" he asked me.
"Well yeah," I told him.
"Well then, you have no other choice than to retrace your steps and conduct a Re-Count, and..." I interrupted him.
"Let me just stop you right there," I said. “After I'm done Counting you, which I almost finished doing, I'll bee moving along, and trying to get this Job done. Then,
when I am done, and the Paperwork has been Filed, I’m gonna go over to Lousy Louie's, order myself a Tall Nectartini, and try to forget I ever had to deal with any of this. You're certainly free to join me and to continue to engage in Irrelevantly Significant Philosophical Discussions over drinks at that time, if you wish, but right now, I'm gonna count you, then I'm gonna bee on my way."

So I did that. I counted him. As I was leaving, I was pretty sure I heard him buzzing after me, "I hope you counted my Shadow, else your entire Enterprise is a Farce."


Anyway, for the next Week, I'll bee inside the Hive, doing my best to finish up this Count. I hope everybody stands still so I can do takes forever when they move around, ya' know?

So I'm gonna go do that.

Let's all bee Highly Careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature

The Latest on Georgie's Count...


If you’re anything like me, you’re every bit as happy as I am that it’s finally Monday again, the best day of the week. It’s about the only day I get a chance to stretch my Wings and catch my breath. And I hafta say that today, I’m pretty much exhausted. Lemme tell ya’, the past few weeks have been a real pain in the stinger.

First (and as I mentioned the last time we visited), I had to buzz over to the Snark Brothers Enterprises headquarters recently to count (and Interview) everybody there. That included Narville and Chaz Snark, Narville’s Allegedly Legitimate Daughter, Felonie Snark, and anybody else who happened to bee working there. That ordeal started with Narville Snark. After waiting four-and-a-half hours in his Waiting Room, he finally agreed to see me. (“You have two minutes,” his Secretary told me. “Use it wisely.”)

Finally, I was shown into his Office and he pointed to a Chair (we all know what that means, don’t we?), so I sat down.

“I sees yous is outta’ da Hospital, bee,” he said.
“Yes, and thank you so very much for that whole thing,” I said, mostly sarcastically.
“Yous is welcome, bee,” he said, but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t beeing sarcastic.
“So what is it yous wants?” He seemed impatient.
“I’m here to conduct the Hive Census,” I told him.
“And what da’ hell does that means, bee?”

I was surprised he didn’t know what a Census is. I thought everybody knew what a Census was. Apparently not.

“I need to count and to conduct a brief but Needlessly Intrusive Interview with you and everybody else that works here,” I told him. “It’s for Official Purposes.”
“Maybee yous tink yous gonna do dat, and maybee yous even wants to do dat, but yous not gonna bee doin’ dat, bee. Wes don’t wants yous snooping around here, asking questions, and stickin yous nose into places it don’t beelong. Somebody could gets hoit. Do wes understands one anuder?”

He seemed annoyed, so I decided not to correct him over mentioning my sticking my nose into places, since I don’t have a nose, exactly.

“Fine,” I said, “I can already at least Count you, and Chaz, and Felonie, but may I at least ask how many other Bees you Employ here at your Questionably Fine Facility?”

“Yous mays not,” Narville said, “nor mays yous ask where deys comes from, if yous knows whats good for yous.”

“Geeeeze. It’s not as if I was gonna turn you in for having Possibly Illegal Bees working for you,” I tried to explain to him, “I’m simply trying to do my Job here, and obtain a Mostly Precise Count of the Bees in this area, even the ones that might not have Papers. I just hafta count everybody, that’s all.”

“So yous tinks we has Illegal Bees here, does yous bee? Is dat it?” Narville got that Highly Unfriendly Look in his Compound Eyes (you know the one), and said, “I suggests yous leaves da premises - or Else.”

So I did that. The last thing I need to do is spend another month with Nurse Beeatrice tied to a bed in the Hive Clinic. I’m mostly sure that nobody wants that, hopefully.

After Carefully Considering all the Observed Activity at the Snark Brothers Facility, and doing some Rudimentary Speculative Calculations, I kind of guessed that they are almost exactly 873.5 Bees working there, so I added that number to my Total (so far), then decided to pay an Official Census Visit to my Always-Affectionate and Usually Understandingly Forgiving Girlfriend, ButterCup. When she answered her Cell Door, I could tell she was Highly Excited and Happy to see me.

“What?” she said in that Aggressively Curious tone she has.

I told her I was there to Count and Interview her for the Census, and she said, “Not now, Georgie. This is a very Inconvenient Time. Fleur and I are doing our Antennae and Waxing our Stingers. You just don’t stop in the middle of something like that. I would suggest that you come back at a more Convenient Time, maybee sometime after next Tuesday, when our Schedules will bee able to better accommodate you.” Then she gave me a quick Hug and went back to her Antennae thing. Whatever.

If you ask me, I think her Antennae and Stinger look perfectly fine, usually, (and so do Fleur’s, but don’t tell ButterCup I said that).

You know, if I keep having to put up with all these Obstructions and Delays, I’ll never get this Census done beefore the Deadline which just happens to bee an Unreasonably Short Three Weeks away. That’s like less than 22 days, I think. And I hafta say that, as much as I’ve tried, I’m not at all sure this Census is even gonna end up beeing mostly Accurate, but the fact is that I just hafta keep going with this thing. Or Else.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

GeorgieBee Signature