Well, I just came from my Editor’s Office. I was highly glad I could finally deliver the Reasonably Reasonable Negotiated Terms of the Settlement that BigFoot and I worked out which included the Fairly Sizeable Tab from Lousy Louie’s.

“You’re joking, right?” My Editor said when he looked over the Tab. “During your Negotiations, you consumed 387 Allegedly Bottomless Nectar Fizzes, and 193.5 orders of Honey-Smothered Pollen Puffs?? How is that even possible?” He seemed upset.

“They were difficult Negotiations,” I told him.

He just gave me one of those Suspicious Looks of his (you know the ones) and threw the Tab on his Desk. 

“And what else?” he asked me.

I gave him a copy of the “Terms of Fair and Equitable Negotiated Settlement” that BigFoot had so kindly provided, and which I had signed. He seemed to take a hugely long time reading the list. Every once in awhile, he’d let out an Aggravated Buzz then give me an Aggravated Look, but finally, he put the Document down on his Desk and said, “Fine.”

So that’s that. My Editor’s going to publish a Special Pull-Out Section of the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record...and Online News, and pay the Food and Beverage Tab from Lousy Louie’s (which means BigFoot can finally go back home and get back to doing whatever the hell he was doing beefore this whole mess started).

As for me, I can... I think I’m gonna… maybee I should… . Actually, I’m not sure what I’m gonna do at this Juncture. I’ve been so buzzy with the Census, BigFoot’s Frivolous Lawsuit, and the Negotiations, I haven’t had a chance to think about what I’m gonna do.

I looked at my Editor and asked,  “So what am I supposed to do now?”

“You don’t know?” he asked me.

“No, I don’t,” I said, “if I knew, I wouldn’t ask, probably.”

“I would suggest you find out,” he said.

“And what’s that? Find out what?” I asked him.  I needed to know.

My Editor just kind of looked at me and said, “Far bee it from me to tell you what you should already know, bee, but if you don’t, I would Strongly Suggest you go find out - Or Else. Now get out of Office.”

So I did that, and now, I guess I’m just gonna go try to find out whatever the hell it is that I apparently don’t know but probably should. 

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

Okay, so it turns out that Note somebody slid under my ShoeBox Door was a Buzz•O•Gram™ from my Editor. He said he had lost his Patience with me, and that I had to show up in his Office with the final Negotiated Settlement with BigFoot no later than sometime next week - Or Else.

Of course, I couldn’t do that yet, since BigFoot and I still hadn’t reached a Final Settlement. About all I can say is that I was Highly Relieved when I returned to our Back Booth at Lousy Louie’s, and BigFoot was sitting there, holding the Agenda.

“Item #4: Final Settlement,” he said as I sat down and ordered myself a Double Nectar Fizz.

“I thought we’d already done that Agenda Item,” I told him. “I’ve already agreed to sign a Sworn and Notarised Affidavit stating that I beelieve BigFoot Exists. I mean, what else do you want from me?” I had to know. Literally.

“That’s what we’re here to finish discussing,” BigFoot said, “but beefore we can move on to the Final Item on the Agenda, ‘Closing Remarks’, we must negotiate a Fair and Reasonable Settlement that Stipulates the Full, Completely and Specific Provisions that Satisfy my Demands.”

“Fine,” I said.

“Fine,” BigFoot said.

For the next several hours, I sat there and listened to BigFoot list his Demands, one after another after another after another.

Beeyond Absurd Requests for things like LifeTime Season Tickets to the Hive Opera (they’re doing “Madame ButterFly” this Season), and a pair of Oversized Roller Skates (“I need more Efficient means of Transportation,” he said), one of his Demands was that his Existence bee acknowledged publicly through an In-Depth, Tell-All Interview to bee published in a Special Pull-Out Section of the Bee Times Gazette Journal Record...and Online News. And another was that the Hive set aside one Month each Year to Celebrate ‘Shadow Awareness Month’.

“Fine,” I said.

“Also,” he was pushing it as far as I was concerned, “you have to pick up the Tab we’ve generated by virtue our time here. Out of a sense of Consideration Fairness, I shall leave an Appropriately Generous Tip.”

“Fine,” I said.

It turns out that BigFoot had already written down his Demands in the form of a Formal Agreement, so of course, I signed that.

Feeling Satisfied that we had finally reached a Fair and Equitable Settlement, we moved on to the next, and Final Item on the Agenda, “Closing Remarks”.

“In Closing,” BigFoot beegan, “I just want to say that it’s mostly been a Relatively Pleasant Experience engaging in these Ongoing Negotiations with you, and I’m pleased we were able to come to a Fair and Equitable Settlement. Might I suggest that we Celebrate our Accomplishment with yet another Round of Unavoidably Bottomless Nectar Fizzes - and a Large order of Louie’s Honey-Smothered Pollen Puffs?”

“Fine,” I said, but in Closing, added, “I’m just glad this is finally over.” Then I waved my Wing toward the Beverage Service Centre, and buzzed, “Louie! Another Round!”

Louie brought us some more Nectar Fizzes and Puffs, then BigFoot and I both decided to stay for the Floor Show (it was Ultra Violet’s Closing Night, and there was no way I was gonna miss that). By the time that was over, I asked Louie to bring me the Tab which, as it turns out, was Highly Huge.

“I don’t have that much Honey with me at the moment,”I told him, and there’s no way I’m washing that many Dishes, so I promise I’ll bee back at my Earliest and Most Convenient Opportunity to pay this off.”

“You’d better, or Else,” Louie said. “In the meantime, just to bee sure you don’t try to Stiff me on this Tab, I’ll bee keeping your Little Friend here as Security - let’s call it a Tip, for now.”

I’m sure when BigFoot offered to leave the Tip, he didn’t mean that he would bee the Tip, but that didn’t seem to bother him. Instead, he asked Louie, “You see me?”

“Of course I do,” Louie told him, “and I see how much you and your Pal Owe on this Food and Beverage Tab, so don’t get any ideas about blowing out that Candle while my back is turned, and trying to pull a Disappearing Act on me.”

“I wouldn’t think of it,” BigFoot said, (though I’m pretty sure he’s thought of doing exactly that especially since that Conversation seeing as how he’s been held for Ransom as a Tip in Louie’s Back Booth all night and, so far, most of Today).

“And as for you,” he pointed his Wing at me, “I’ll bee waiting.”

“Fine,” I said. Then I left.

So my next Stop is to go get this Settlement Notarised, then I’ll be paying my Editor a Visit. I’ll present the Terms of the Settlement then give him this Surprisingly Large Food and Beverage Tab so he can give me a bunch of Honey and I can go back to Lousy Louie’s and Free BigFoot from the Back Booth.

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

So when I got back from the Bathroom, I was happy to see that BigFoot…I mean Reginald… had ordered us another Round of Allegedly Bottomless Nectar Fizzes, which I thought was Highly Thoughtful of him.

“That was Highly Thoughtful of you to order us another Round, Reginald,” I told him.

“You’re welcome, but you don’t have to call me Reginald. You can call me BigFoot, like everybody else. I’m used to it, mostly,” he said.

“Fine,” I said, then I said, “Okay, now that we’re done with Item #1 on the Agenda, ‘Introductions’, and we both know who we are, let’s go on to #2, which where you explain why you filed this Frivolous Lawsuit. I mean seriously now, why did you?”

“ ‘Why?’ you asked,” he asked, then he stood up and said, “tell me, what do you see?”

“I see you, BigFoot, aka Reginald Filbee III,” I said.

“That’s encouraging,” he said. “But what else do you see?”

I looked and looked, but about all I could see was BigFoot and the Wall beehind him, so I said, “Uhmmm…”.

“Let me help you out with this,” BigFoot said. “Do you see my Shadow? Do you?”

“Well, yeah,” I said.

“Good,” he said, and he sat back down in the Booth and drank the last of his Nectar Fizz.

“What would you have done if I stood up, and you didn’t see my Shadow?” he asked. “What would you think then?”

“I dunno,” I said, “I never thought about it,” I said, beecause I’d never thought about it.

“If something Exists,” BigFoot said, “and if it’s Real, it casts a Shadow, right?”

“Yeah, I suppose it usually does,” I supposed.

“Well there you have it, that’s my whole point,” BigFoot said.

“WHAT is your Point?” I asked.

“That if you cast a Shadow, you Exist, usually. And if you don’t cast a Shadow, chances are you might not Exist.”

“Well yeah,” I said, “that makes sense, but I still don’t get your Point.”

“My Point is,” he said, “that I’ve spent the better part of my life hearing everybody argue about whether BigFoot even Exists. I’ve even heard somebody say that I don’t Exist. Do you have even a vague idea how uncomfortable it is to hear that? Do you?”

“Uhm…” I started to say.

“No, you don’t,” BigFoot said, then he started dragging out a whole pile of Newspaper Clippings and Magazine Articles talking about how BigFoot is just a Myth, and there’s no Proof he even Exists.

“You see? You see all of this?” he asked. “And you wonder why I might bee feeling Insecure about beeing Counted in the Census?”

“Not really,” I had to admit. “But what does all that have to do with your filing a Frivolous Lawsuit over the fact I didn’t count Shadows for the Census? Do you seriously beelieve I’d Count a Bee who didn’t Exist?”

BigFoot gave me what I’d call a dirty look.

“You still don’t get it, do you?” he said. “After putting up with everybody arguing about whether I even Exist, I wanted nothing left to Chance. I wanted to bee dam sure you Counted me in the Census. For all I know, you’re a Doubter.”

Then BigFoot pulled out a thick Volume, “The Big Book of Unanswered Questions, 3rd Edition” from the Shelf in our Booth, opened it to Page 1187, and pointed his Wing at something he’d Underlined.

“Here, as you can see for yourself,” he said, “Beescartes was not completely Correct in saying that just beecause you THINK you Exist that you DO Exist. In my Opinion, you must also have a Shadow as concrete Proof of that Existence.”

“Oh for crying out loud,” I told him. “I never had any Doubt whatsoever that you Exist, BigFoot. I would have counted you even without your Shadow. The same goes for every other bee-and-a-half I Counted.”

“So you say,” he said.

“Yes I do,” I said.

“I would prefer that your Casual Assurances take the form of a Signed and Notarised Affidavit stating that you, Georgie A. Bee, beelieve in BigFoot,” he said.

Seriously now, you can’t make this stuff up.

Finally, after a bunch of Back-and-Forthing, I was able to convince BigFoot that I beelieve he Exists, and that he was Counted in the Census, just like everybody else.

“Look,” I said, “I’ll sign whatever Paper you want me to saying that BigFoot Exists, but we need to move on to Item #3 on the Agenda: ‘Reach an Equitable Settlement’. Let’s get this over with already, could we?” I asked. “These Negotiations are really wearing thin, not to mention the fact that our Bar Tab is reaching Ridiculous Proportions. We just can’t keep meeting like this.”

“Unfortunately no, not today,” he said. “It’s just starting to get Dark out, so we will need to Resume these Negotiations at a Later Date.” Then he got up and left.

After listening to BigFoot trying to explain this whole thing about his Shadow, I didn’t know what to say, exactly. I needed to clear my Head, so after he left, about all I could think to say was, “Louie! Another Round!”

I’m totally somewhat looking forward to what I hope will bee the Last Session with BigFoot, mostly. In the meantime, it looks like somebody just shoved a Note under my ShoeBox Door, so I gotta go see what the hell that’s all about.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!

I’m mostly pleased to report that the Negotiations beetween BigFoot and Myself have finally resumed, and we seem to bee making some Progress.

For several days, neither BigFoot or I were able to make our way to Lousy Louie’s to continue our Talks due to a Highly Cold Cold Front and Nuisance Snowfall. You just don’t go out in Weather like that. Fortunately, the Unanticipated Delay gave me a chance not only to have Copies of our Agenda made, but to catch up on my Stories and get some rest. So when it was finally safe to go out and take my Seat in the Custom-Configured Back Booth at Lousy Louie’s, I was prepared, in a way.

“It’s nice to see you upheld your Obligations in these Negotiations, and brought the Mandated Copies of our Agenda to our Talks today,” BigFoot, who had apparently gotten there early and already ordered our First Round of Nectar Fizzes and some Honey-Smothered Pollen Puffs, said, which I hafta say was Highly Thoughtful of him.

“Yes,” I said, “so let’s get to it already so we can bee done with this.

“Fine,” BigFoot said, as he held his Official Copy of the Agenda in his Wings. “Item One: Introductions.”

Then he looked at me and asked, “And you are?”

Seriously now. I thought we both had a pretty dam good idea who we are.

“You know I’m Georgie,” I said, “and you know I know that you’re BigFoot.”

“Not so fast,” BigFoot buzzed at me. “Assumptions can bee exceedingly dangerous in Delicate Negotiations such as this,” he said. “I beelieve you have been entertaining some False Presumptions about my Identity.”

“I am?” I was beeginning to feel Highly Confused.

“You are,” BigFoot said. “You continue to refer to me as ‘BigFoot’,” he said, “but it seems you are Painfully Unaware of my Legal Name and Identity,” he said.

“I am?” I asked.

“You are,” he said. “In actual fact, my name is not BigFoot. It is Reginald Luxworthy Filbee III.”

I hafta say that he sounded serious.

“You are?” I asked.

“I am,” he said.

Well, I just hafta say that after finding out that I didn’t even know who the hell I was even talking to, I just had to call a Time Out and try to absorb what he was telling me while I used the Bathroom.

Which reminds me. Beefore I tell you more about what happened next, I need to use the Bathroom. So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee Highly Careful out there!