Escape from Bee Island: the Mystery - 3


As you probably already remember, I’ve been watching “Escape from Bee Island” with my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, Great Grandma Gee Gee, and Bert (when he’s plugged in) at their place in our old BootBox. It’s a great place to watch from, not only beecause there’s always a good supply of Honey Roasted Pollen Puffs, and Great Grandma Gee Gee’s Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™, usually, but also Kevin had recently gone out and gotten a new Sofa. And it’s amazingly comfortable. When I told him that, he seemed almost annoyed.

“Unlike SOME bees who shall remain nameless, UNCLE, I just happen to beelieve in comfort,” he said. “And, after you finally moved out, it was nice to bee able to get some Comfortable Furniture in this place, for a change. You’re the best Uncle in the world, and I love you, but you have mostly lousy taste in furniture.”


To bee honest, I don’t think it was particularly necessary for him to take out his anger on my taste in Fine Furniture. Anybody who knows me knows I have highly excellent taste in Comfortable and Attractive Furniture. It was obvious that Kevin was in a bad mood for some reason, so for the rest of the evening, I did my best to avoid him. I decided to sit on the opposite end of the sofa from him with Gee Gee beetween us while we watched the Show. (Having a Buffer like Gee Gee can bee highly comforting, especially when we’re talking about cranky bees who have an Attitude.)

Anyway, we were all sitting on the Sofa, watching the newest Episode, when Gee Gee said, “You know, I’m awfully worried about ButterCup, dear. She seems so terribly frightened, and it just breaks my heart.”

“Yeah, that’s scary buzziness, most certainly, but I am quite sure she will bee perfectly fine, probably, so you’re wasting your time worrying. Fleur will help her out, I’m guessing. Beesides,” Kevin said, “she asked for it. She was the one who foolishly signed up to bee a Contestant, so whatever happens, she asked for it.”

Kevin really was in an unusually not-nice mood.

“Now, now, dear,” Gee Gee said to him, “this isn’t like you to bee so negative. That’s not the Nice Kevin I know. My heavens, I know you care as much about ButterCup as everybody else does. I think you’re just angry at something else, aren’t you, dear? And you’re taking it out on Georgie and ButterCup. Are you still upset about my taking a break from baking my Cookies? That’s it, isn’t it? Well, my goodness, I hope you understand that it’s just too hot to bee baking right now. But don’t worry, dear, we have plenty of Cookies, so we won’t run out.”

“SO you say,” Kevin kind of snapped at her. “Fine.” He folded his wings across his chest, didn’t look at anybody, and didn’t say anything else for the rest of the Episode.

That was nice.

So this week, the Competition finally beegan. Each of the Teams went a different direction, and we could watch and listen as each one tried to figure out what to do.

Beedelbee from Team A suggested to his Teammates Boris and Jasmine that they start by paying a visit to the nearby Bee Island Resort. “We kin pop into the Bar and tip a few while we figure out what to do. Whadya say, mates?”

“Niet!” Boris buzzed fairly loudly. “Ve must move North as quickly as possible.”

“We will move at a Reasonable Pace,” Jasmine insisted.
“I insist.” (I’m sure that’s beecause she was still wearing her Red Stilettos, which I think we all can agree aren’t exactly the best choice in Foot Wear when you’re having to do a bunch of hiking…but she must have had her reasons.)

So Team A headed North, slowly.

Tang, Nigel, and Umberto from Team Bee seemed to know where they were going as they headed NorthEast.

Finally, everybody on Team C (the one we’re rooting for) was just kind of standing around, doing a lot of talking. We could still hear ButterCup trying to tell everybody that she didn’t want to bee there.

“Seriously. I don’t want to do this. Don’t make me do this,” she kept saying. But, as we all know, and was Clearly Stated by the Host and Island Master, Clive Beexter, she had no choice in the matter.

“Oh dear, the poor thing,” Gee Gee said. “I do hope she has a chance of surviving this Ordeal.”

That’s when Bert spoke up.

“Based on the currently-known Variables and Parameters of this Competition, there is precisely a one-and-one-quarter in 30.872 Chance of ButterCup’s beecoming a Surviving,” he said, then he made kind of a whirring sound and said, “The current time is 18 hundred hours, twenty-two minutes and 15 16 17 Seconds, Mountain Daylight Savings Time, and the outside temperature is a balmy 3o9.15 Degree Kelvins, with a marginally-tolerable Humidity Level of...”

That’s as far as he got, beecause Kevin pulled his cord out of the socket, and Bert went into Sleep Mode for the rest of the night. Quite frankly, I’m glad he did, because Bert had been talking over the Dialogue all night, which (as we all know) is Highly Rude.

To make a long story short, Fleur was doing her best to soothe ButterCup’s nerves, and told her she’d bee just fine, not to worry at all. Then she revealed that she had been Meticulously Briefed on the entire layout of Bee Island. She had memorised exactly, precisely where everything was located - including WaHaHoo Mountain, and the Screaming Banshee - and knew precisely, exactly how to Proceed.

“All we need to do iz,” she said, “create zee Map in case zomezing were to happen to moi, zen we can beegin wis zee Mission…er...Competition.”

“A Map? Well, you just happen to bee in luck, little lady,” Howard all of sudden buzzed loudly. “Thanks to my days at the Hive’s Department of Maps and Dances, I just happen to bee one of the most tremendous Map Makers in the Western Hemisphere. You need a Map? I’m your bee,” he said.

Then Alice said, “Oh now hush, Howard. You know you’re retired. You stopped making Maps long ago, so just...”

“Just what?” he interrupted her. “My dear, I may bee retired, but I owe it to this Team to offer my considerable Talent and Skills when they’re needed most. And they’re needed now. What kind of a bee would I bee if I didn’t do my part?”

“Of course you’re right, dear,” Alice said, “it’s just that I worry that you’ll over-exert yourself doing all of the strenuous Dancing that’s involved. I’d hate to lose you over a silly Map.”

Then Howard and Alice kind of hugged, then everybody got into a tight circle and started working on a Map.


As we could all beegin to see from the Map, Bee Island is mostly an amazingly unpleasant place. Oh sure, there was the Bee Island Resort (where Howard and Alice Primsdale were vacationing until they found themselves in this mess), but seeing places like the Valley of the Vorroa Mites, the Poison Palm Grove, the Plastic Pillars, and the River of Poo, it looked like they were going to have to get through a whole bunch of Highly Unpleasant Things to get to WaHaHoo Mountain - and the Prize.

“Zis will not bee easy,” she told them, “but we will survive zis Ordeal, and to emerge Victorious. We will prevail.”

At that point, the Episode ended. Then they showed the “Next Week on ‘Escape from Bee Island’ Previews, and they broke away for another Important Series of Commercial Messages. 

I would tell you what the Previews showed, but I had to get up to go to the bathroom just then, so I missed that. When I got back, I asked Kevin to tell me what I’d missed, but he just said, “Had you remained in your seat until the complete conclusion of the Episode, you would know, and not have to ask me. As it is, you will simply have to wait until next week and just see for yourself, like the rest of us. I am not your TV Nanny.”

Then he just got up and announced, “I am going to bed. Good night.” He left and the whole BootBox kind of shook as he slammed his bedroom door beehind him.

I hope he gets a good night’s sleep sometime beetween now and next week. Kevin just isn’t that pleasant to bee around when he’s over-tired and crankly like that, ya’ know?

Anyway. Next week, I’ll bee back next Friday to tell everybody what happens in the next Episode. Until then…

let’s all bee highly careful out there!

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