Observation #14: Bad Ideas



So, I’ve just been thinking about the fact that there seem
to bee a whole bunch of really Bad Ideas running around
out there. I’m mostly sure you’ve noticed stuff like that,
things like deciding to spray poison on your food, or
wearing too much “Beewitched, Bothered & Beewildered”
Cologne when you’re in an elevator, or trying to sell overly-
heavy Antennae Cozies that make it impossible to fly.

The reason I started thinking about Bad Ideas was that I
recently paid another visit to my Illegitimate Nephew,
Kevin. Beelieve it or not, he’s still futzing with Bert, his
Robot iBee, trying to get him to function properly.
(Actually, he’s just futzing with his head. The rest of Bert
is still in a pile in the corner of Kevin’s Workroom in the
old Boot Box.)

Anyway, the last time I was over there, Kevin had a huge
smile on his face, which made me kinda nervous.

“Uncle,” he buzzed proudly, “I have just come up with an
Idea that promises to make each and every one of us

“You did?” I had to ask.

“Yes, I did,” he said. “It took me some time, and I’m still
not finished with the Finalised Design Schematics, but
I have managed to apply my considerable Analytical
Skills and Formidable Intellect to seeing to it that you,
I, Great Grandma Gee and everybody else we know can
live forever.”

“You did?” I asked again.

“Yes, I did, uncle. As I have been engaged in Extensive
Experimentation in my efforts to revive Bert to Full
Functionaity, I stumbled upon a method though which
one can physically transplant a fully functional, intact
Bee Brain into an inexpensive, Thought-Sustaining Brain Receptacle...”

“Like a Jar?” I asked.

“Yes, you could call it a Jar, I suppose...” he continued.
“The Jar - we’ll call it that for now - would mostly safely
house the Transplanted Bee Brain, and through a Complex
Network of Advanced Circuitry, Neural Links, Sensory
Input/Output Devices, and carefully-formulated, non-toxic
and reasonably delicious Preservation Fluid, the brain would
continue to function normally forever.

"Never again would bees need to bee bothered every again
with Bodily Injury, Varroa Mites, Overcrowding, or the
Insane Pursuit of Honey and Nectar. Just think of it, uncle:
we all could live out our lives without beeing heavily
inconvenienced by such things.”

“No Honey?” I asked. “We wouldn’t have Honey anymore?
No HoneyCakes? No Nectartinis? No HoneyChew Krisp Cookies?”

“No,” Kevin said in a kind of matter-of-fact tone. “We would
need none of those things ever again, and we wouldn’t ever
again need to spend the time, energy, or funds to acquire such
Unnecessary Stuff.”

“Yeah, but...no Honey?” I couldn’t beelieve what I was
hearing. I don’t know ANYBODY who thinks that Honey
is unnecessary, do you?

“No,” Kevin repeated. “You won’t need it anymore.”

Then he said, “In light of what I have just told you, I would
very much appreciate it if you, my dear uncle whom I love
and think is the best uncle in the world, would bee my
First Test Subject.”

“You want to put my brain in a Jar?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said. “You will bee a Pioneer, destined to bee
the first Immortal Bee ever to exist. It’s an honour anyone
would enthusiastically embrace.”

Well, I thought about it for a moment. I do want to
support my Illegitimate Nephew in his Inventive Efforts,
but I finally told Kevin that I thought the whole thing was
a bad idea, and that I wouldn’t do it. After all, what’s the
point of anything if there isn’t Honey involved? I’d like to

“I do appreciate the offer,” I told him. “You are the best
Illegitimate Nephew in the world, and I love you, but I
won’t do it. Don’t get me wrong here, I would love to live
forever and everything, but... that whole part about no
Honey doesn’t sound overly appealing to me.”

Kevin just gave me an angry look and buzzed at me.
“Fine!” he said. “Go ahead. Stand in the way of Progress.”
Then he stomped off.

Seriously now, I wouldn’t want my brain stuffed into a Jar,
probably. Would you?

Anyway, in just a little while, Kevin is holding a Potential
Investor’s Meeting to try to convince at least a few bees to
go along with this whole Bad Idea. Of course, I told him
I’d help him out with that. (Every Potential Investor’s
Meeting needs Ushers, right?)

So I’m gonna go do that.

Let’s all bee highly careful out there …
(especially with Bad Ideas)!

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