Escape from Bee Island: the Mystery - 9


I dunno. I think after last week’s Lecture, I’m beeginning to think my Illegitimate Nephew, Kevin, is right when he said, “Should we maybee change the channel and see if something else is on? This Competition seems to bee seriously going nowhere.”

When I pointed out to him that we needed to keep watching because ButterCup - and Fleur, of course - still faced Possibly Likely Non-Survival, he said, “Uncle Georgie, I know you’re very concerned about ButterCup, as I know we’re all concerned about both her and the Continued Well-Beeing of the Always-Delightful and Alluring Fleur, and even though you’re the best Uncle in the world, and I love you, I must ask: where is the Entertainment Value? I mean, if the Entertainment Value just isn’t there, what’s the point?”

He does have a point, but quite frankly, I still do need to find out if ButterCup manages to survive this whole Ordeal, even if she is my Girlfriend. In the end, we all agreed that if they can’t give us more than Pointed, Long-Winded Lectures, there are gonna bee a lot of us who just might find ourselves Channel Surfing on this thing, ya’ know what I mean? I mean, we’re not here to bee Educated, right?

Fortunately, this week’s Episode was much better. Even Kevin thought so. (Bert didn’t offer an opinion, probably beecause he was still unplugged - though I’ll bet he was listening. He always is.)

“This week’s Episode was much more engaging,” Kevin said, “so we’ll continue to watch. But if they start up with the Boring Lectures Routine again, I’m changing the Channel.”

“Fine,” I said.


The first thing that happened this week was that the Survivors of Team Bee (Umberto, Team Captain, and Double-Survivor, Nigel), managed to rejoin forces on the North Side of the River of Poo, and were heading up the Rocky Slopes of WaHaHoo Mountain after they spotted a flash of sunlight flickering off what they were sure was the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny. It looked as if they might have a Fighting Chance in this whole thing.

“There it is,” Umberto buzzed loudly. “The Jewel!”
“Good show,” Nigel said.

It looked like maybee they were about to maybee win the Competition, until all of a sudden, there was that Terrible, Mountain-Shaking Shriek. It was the Screaming Banshee. She’d spotted them coming after her Jewel, and let out an Antennae-Bending Shriek that caused a Giant Rockslide. Unfortunately, Umberto was a bit too slow, and was almost immediately squashed when a huge Boulder landed right on top of him. Ouch. But at least it was quick, mostly.

“Oh bloody hell,” Nigel kept yelling as he somehow managed to dodge all those big Rocks and Boulders that were coming at him (Nigel’s very Agile).


Later, in a “Survivor’s Interview” with Clive Beexter (Host and Island Master), he said, “I feel jolly good about my performance today. It was a tough day, but I gave it my best, and am pleased to have Prevailed. It’s a bloody shame what happen to my Mate, but he always knew what he was in for - and thank the Queen that his end came quickly, mostly.” Then he said that it was obvious he was going to have to take the Back Way up WaHaHoo Mountain to avoid the Screaming Banshee and get to the jewel that way.

“Stealth,” he said, “will bee the key to circumventing the Banshee and lead my rousing victory, old man.”

Then Nigel went off and started making his way up the Back Side of WaHaHoo Mountain and, if you ask me, he was beeing very Stealthy about it.

In the meantime, Boris and Jasmine on Team A finally stopped arguing about who would end up taking the Jewel of Questionable Destiny home with them. Somebody probably told them that there are only four more Episodes left beefore the Season Finale (when we find out who, if anybody, Survives and claims the Amazingly Powerful Jewel of Questionable Destiny), so I think everybody had better start moving things along a little faster. 

“Ve vill move northward, toward the Vestern Slope ov the Mountain and make camp near the Riffer of Poo,” Boris said.

“That would bee an acceptable Plan,” Jasmine replied, “but we must not camp too near the River, else we will certainly bee overcome by Toxic Poo Fumes. On this, I am decided.”

Boris just kind of rolled his eyes, said, “Fine,” then they started heading generally North.

But you’re probably wondering where Team C (Fleur and ButterCup) are at this point, aren’t you? Well, you’re gonna love this - it’s highly cool.

Thanks to the Specialised Equipment Fleur had secretly stashed on the Island, Fleur and ButterCup have been making steady progress toward WaHaHoo Mountain without suffering any Ill-Effects of the Island’s Toxic Environment at all. Since they were both wearing those BioHazard Suits, they were able to take the easiest route to the Mountain by going through the HoneyCane Fields. They even had enough time to take the Visitor’s Tour of the Operational Facilities, and browse the Visitor’s Tour Memorabilia Shop, where they both got a bunch of free Samples. ButterCup also bought a Souvenir Nectar Mug that says, “I Survived the Bee Island HoneyCane Fields Tour and All I Got Was This Lousy Mug”.  

Then using that
very cleverly-designed, Agency-Issued, two-passenger Glide-Along Transport Device ButterCup had been dragging along this whole time, they were able to gracefully glide right over the surface of the River of Poo, and spent the rest of the Episode setting up camp where we saw them enjoying an Evening Snack of Fire-Roasted HoneyCane. 

Then the Episode ended.

Of course, that made me feel highly hungry, so I asked Great Grandma Gee Gee if it would bee okay if I ate another Wingful of her Always-Delicious and Mostly-Nutritious and Satifying Royal HoneyChew Krisp Cookies™ beefore I left to go back to my Shoebox and go to bed.

“Of course, dear,” she said. “Take all you want, but try not to spoil your supper,” which was weird, since I already had supper beefore I even went over there. I guess she forgot that, but just the same, I said, “Fine.”

And that’s what happened this week.

It’s nice to see that the Competition is finally getting somewhere, even if there was one more Fatality this week. That’s always a good thing, usually.

So, as usual, I’ll bee back next week - same time, same place - and let you know what happens in Episode 10. I can hardly wait.

Until then, then . . .
let’s all bee highly careful out there.

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